Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 This is something that is inherently innocent, but my mind races with all of the possible thoughts on this, so here we go. For no particular occasion, I bought a ticket package for the Portland Trailblazers for me and my girlfriend because she loves basketball and hasn't seen a game in years. OK, so it is no mystery that I have the tickets, and she also knows that I received a gift certificate to a fantastic seafood restaurant downtown as part of the package. The question and qualifiers. Given that I bought these tickets as a gift for her, and the certificate came as part of said gift for her, and that she knows about the gift certificate- *drumroll........* Do I break every social and dating rule, unspoken and otherwise, if I were to use this certificate openly when taking her to dinner at the fabulous restaurant on Valentine's Day? I will be doing other things such as flowers and another little (meaning under $20) gift I got her. Some things that may or may not matter are: we are completely infatuated with each other, are both new in our careers, have been dating for 3 months... hmm... it's known that she makes significantly more money than me (at least 33% more), I have bought her random little gifts in the past and jsut this past wekkend took her out (my treat) on a great dinner date to celebrate her receiving her professional license recently. Maybe a more relevant question is should I feel guilty doing that? Cuz I dont...
bluechocolate Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Do I break every social and dating rule, unspoken and otherwise, if I were to use this certificate openly when taking her to dinner at the fabulous restaurant on Valentine's Day? I really don't understand the dilema at all. Use the certificate.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Is the dilemma using the certificate or giving it to her to use? If so, use the certificate. I don't see anything wrong with that at all.
Kamille Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 It even makes sense to use the certificate. Those basketball tickets are like the gift that keeps on giving.
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Sweet... vindication for Krytie!!! The dilemma was simply whether it is poor taste to use a certificate to help pay for a Valentine's dinner at a nice restaurant. you know... would she be embarassed... should I be? Things like that. Keep the comments coming please...
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 No it isn't in poor taste.. Use it... 3 months.. you are past the monetary impression stage
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 For Valentine's Day, I would seriously suggest NOT using the certificate. The certificate came with the tickets, and the tickets/certificate combo is a present/gift/treat that you have ALREADY given her. It's akin to her birthday being a few days after Christmas. When her birthday rolls around, you wouldn't say, "Uh, what I gave you for Christmas was ALSO your birthday present" - or would you? You're in a relationship. There will be plenty of time to use the certificate in the future, but for V-Day, make it special (i.e., separate and apart from the OTHER thing). If you use the certificate, you will look like you're clearly trying to kill two birds with one stone, and that is NOT how you want to go about making your GF feel special. :-)
Kamille Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Oh wait - I had forgotten to put on my Miss Manner's hat... What would Miss Manner's say? I suspect it would be: You are infatuated with each other! Know that in this blissful and oh so enjoyable stage, a detail such as a gift certificate that you indirectly paid for anyways is just that: a detail. She will enjoy and love the meal because she'll be sharing it with you.
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 You're in a relationship. There will be plenty of time to use the certificate in the future, but for V-Day, make it special (i.e., separate and apart from the OTHER thing). If you use the certificate, you will look like you're clearly trying to kill two birds with one stone, and that is NOT how you want to go about making your GF feel special. This, my friends, is exactly why the question was posed in the first place. And thank you Star for being a dissenting voice among the responses. I needed to know that there was someone else who might imagine why I would feel a bit "weird" about it. I have never "shorted" her in our relationship, and I would hate to have the first "stupid man moment" be on Valentine's Day.
johan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 What's the big deal? You got the tickets. She should pay for dinner. Use the certificate for a night out with the guys.
Art_Critic Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Why would paying real cash for something instead of paying with a certificate be an error or a stupid man moment ? If the meal was free because you knew the owner of the restaurant would fear of looking cheap be the reason you would pay ? This isn't the first date with this woman and you are infatuated with each other.. If you have any question about how it would look to her then I would think take the high road and don't use the certificate.
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 This, my friends, is exactly why the question was posed in the first place. And thank you Star for being a dissenting voice among the responses. I needed to know that there was someone else who might imagine why I would feel a bit "weird" about it. I have never "shorted" her in our relationship, and I would hate to have the first "stupid man moment" be on Valentine's Day. It's not about being "shorted" or about who pays for what or how much it costs or anything like that, it's simply about making her feel special. Valentine's Day, as stupid and commerical as it is, is about making your SO feel special. The fact remains that you WILL be able to use the certificate, just on another day. So why would you even WANT to use it on V-Day? Does that make sense? K...Make V-Day SPECIAL, sooooooooo many guys don't. This includes refraining from using the certificate, or any sort of coupon. Ha.
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 If the meal was free because you knew the owner of the restaurant would fear of looking cheap be the reason you would pay ? Uh, on Valentine's Day, YES. This is exactly what men don't get - many, many women really LIKE Valentine's Day. They'll PRETEND like they don't, but honestly I don't know one girl who doesn't secretly hope that flowers get delivered to her office or something on V-Day. I'll tell ya that I don't like V-Day right now, but that's only because I'm single. If I were in a relationship, I'd want V-Day to be a further demonstration of our affection for each other, and that doesn't come by using something that we already have. Another example: You know how when you buy a cologne or perfume set it sometimes comes with a separate bag or other "gift with purchase"? Well, using the certificate in this situation would be like giving her the perfume for one occasion, and then giving her the bag for Valentine's Day. It's weird...and borderline tacky, regardless of what stage of the relationship you're in. I think some of the other posters aren't actually reading your original post - that the certificate came with the tickets, which was a separate gift to her. If you were given the certificate separately, say you won it or something or got it from your boss for a job well done, she wouldn't know about it and then it would be totally acceptable. But under the circumstances you've described, it's weird.
johan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I think she should pay for her own ticket. And buy dinner. And parking. On Valentines Day she should treat you real special.
Kamille Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Uh, on Valentine's Day, YES. This is exactly what men don't get - many, many women really LIKE Valentine's Day. They'll PRETEND like they don't, but honestly I don't know one girl who doesn't secretly hope that flowers get delivered to her office or something on V-Day. I'll tell ya that I don't like V-Day right now, but that's only because I'm single. If I were in a relationship, I'd want V-Day to be a further demonstration of our affection for each other, and that doesn't come by using something that we already have. Another example: You know how when you buy a cologne or perfume set it sometimes comes with a separate bag or other "gift with purchase"? Well, using the certificate in this situation would be like giving her the perfume for one occasion, and then giving her the bag for Valentine's Day. It's weird...and borderline tacky, regardless of what stage of the relationship you're in. I think some of the other posters aren't actually reading your original post - that the certificate came with the tickets, which was a separate gift to her. If you were given the certificate separately, say you won it or something or got it from your boss for a job well done, she wouldn't know about it and then it would be totally acceptable. But under the circumstances you've described, it's weird. I totally see your point SG, yet he said that he did have other things planned for Valentine's day. Personally, if I were showered with little attentions and offered a romantic meal in a restaurant, I really wouldn't care how he paid for it. The company, the time together would make me feel special.
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 They'll PRETEND like they don't, but honestly I don't know one girl who doesn't secretly hope that flowers get delivered to her office or something on V-Day. lol, I just ordered them yesterday... there is hope for me
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 OK guys... keep arguing because I need to come to a decision soon, lol. In my heart, I think I would feel a little uneasy about using it, but then I'm not used to really caring so much... that's because of her. And it's not that I am trying to impress her, it's that I don't want to look like the person I grew up as... if that makes any sense. Anyhoo... talk amongst yourselves... it's very helpful to watch the dialogue. Except Johan... dude, thanks for the input but I got it from here
johan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Don't ever buy a woman flowers. You might as well just put your still-beating heart in a vase. Then she'll water it until it finally withers up, and out it will go with the coffee grounds.
Kamille Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Don't ever buy a woman flowers. You might as well just put your still-beating heart in a vase. Then she'll water it until it finally withers up, and out it will go with the coffee grounds. The difference between Johan and Krytellan: One of them actually has a hot date on V-day. Guess which one?
johan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 All my dates are hot. I just don't have one on that particular day.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I'm staying with my original vote, V Day or not. But I have to admit that apparently I'm not all that typical. I am thrifty by nature, a coupon clipper. I shop at Super WalMart, even though I DREAD going, to save $20.00. Flowers sent to my office on V Day actually made me feel that they were about HIM, not me. He wanted my coworkers, who also happened to be my friends, to see his declaration of love. Maybe I would have felt differently if flowers had been sent "just because" on occasion. Gifts are very low on my priority list in a partner. I would prefer a $20 DVD that he knows I want (because he was listening) than a hundred dollar bill yo go buy myself "whatever I want." The act of picking something out for me personally, that has meaning to me, far outweighs the expense (or lack of) of the gift. It's truly the thought that counts to me. But that's just me and I don't have one day out of the year where I show my love. I show it every day and V Day is overrated and commercialized IMO. That said, yes he will get me something, he always does. I agree with Art Critic that using a certificate in the initial dating period wouldn't be wise, but I think it is totally acceptable at this point. If you intend to go to this restaurant many times in the coming months, and can afford the extra $20 expense, don't use it on V Day and use it later if that makes you feel less uncomfortable. I think you are a very cool guy from your posts and your GF is very fortunate to have you. If a gift certificate were to change her opinion of you after all that you two have been through, I would question the whole shebang. I am impressed with your honesty and willingness to work on things. You were burned and you didn't allow that to blacken your heart and devour your soul like so many do. Any bitterness has been directed to the one who deserves it, not half the worlds population. Congratulations on being of sound mind. Have a great V Day with your girl!
Author Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I think you are a very cool guy from your posts and your GF is very fortunate to have you. If a gift certificate were to change her opinion of you after all that you two have been through, I would question the whole shebang. I am impressed with your honesty and willingness to work on things. You were burned and you didn't allow that to blacken your heart and devour your soul like so many do. Any bitterness has been directed to the one who deserves it, not half the worlds population. Congratulations on being of sound mind. Have a great V Day with your girl! ... thanks so much.
insomnie Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Uh, on Valentine's Day, YES. This is exactly what men don't get - many, many women really LIKE Valentine's Day. They'll PRETEND like they don't, but honestly I don't know one girl who doesn't secretly hope that flowers get delivered to her office or something on V-Day. I'll tell ya that I don't like V-Day right now, but that's only because I'm single. If I were in a relationship, I'd want V-Day to be a further demonstration of our affection for each other, and that doesn't come by using something that we already have. Another example: You know how when you buy a cologne or perfume set it sometimes comes with a separate bag or other "gift with purchase"? Well, using the certificate in this situation would be like giving her the perfume for one occasion, and then giving her the bag for Valentine's Day. It's weird...and borderline tacky, regardless of what stage of the relationship you're in. I think some of the other posters aren't actually reading your original post - that the certificate came with the tickets, which was a separate gift to her. If you were given the certificate separately, say you won it or something or got it from your boss for a job well done, she wouldn't know about it and then it would be totally acceptable. But under the circumstances you've described, it's weird. I'm a girl and I *really* don't like V-Day. I think it's stupid. And I am in a relationship. Why does the guy have to spend money on the girl unnecessarily for her to feel appreciated? That seems a little sexist to me. He'll already be taking her out to a dinner for which SHE doesn't have to pay...I think it'd be silly to be offended just because no money was spent there and then. Isn't V-Day about showing appreciation for EACH OTHER and spending quality time together? It sounds like Krytellan has a lovely V-Day planned, certificate or not.
dropdeadlegs Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 ... thanks so much. No. Really. Thank YOU. Some days my mind literally swoons from too much negativity, and yes, I do realize I am participating in a forum that generally revolves around heartbreak. It is just so nice to see someone deal with bad situations in a positive way. You do that, and I need you here. Positive energy is energy well spent, the negative stuff drains a person. Venting is great; bitterness, if short term, is acceptable and expected. Please keep posting.
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