Kelso Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Hello everyone... I'm stepping back into the dating scene again after a breakup in October. I've been on few lousy dates since my breakup ... but most of them failed due to lack of interest on my behalf. I blame that on the fact that I hadn't recovered yet. That's not the issue here though. Few weeks ago I met this girl at a bar in town. She is a real cutie and we had a nice chat. I asked her for her number and she gave that to me. Unfortunately I had to go abroad the day after I met her for about 7 days so we text messaged a lot while I wasn't at home. When I finally got home I called her and asked her out on a date. That was Saturday 2 weeks ago. Unlike every other dates I have been on for the past weeks, I finally was excited to meet a girl on a date, and most importantly ... I was dead nervous. Well, we had some snack but then she wanted to go someplace else. She suggested that we'd rent a movie and go to my place. We did that, watched the movie. Then we talked for about 2-3 hours after the movie and she spent the night at my place. Nothing more than cuddling and kissing on a first date though. Since then, we've spoken a lot on MSN and I've met her few times. She has spent to nights at my place since our first date. I just don't know how I can bring this to the next step. Is it something that just happens or should I make any moves. I'm just so inexperienced ... or more like out of training as I haven't done this in a while. One thing that also bothers me is that I'm so afraid that I will start comparing her to my ex. I still have some feelings for my ex, but nothing in the way that I would like to get back into relationship with her. She's just a good memory ... and I'm so afraid that I blow this new thing be comparing her to my ex. Need some help on those matters ...
Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Man, can I be honest with you? Ditch the MSN and tech-based communication. Way too often it causes communication saturation and makes things boring. You want the next level? Save communication for face-to-face. Talk on the phone occasionally (maybe an hour every couple days) and use that for "get-to-know-each-other" time. When you're together, that's when you just chat and let the mood carry itself. I really feel that MSN and texting and crap like that totally ruins the get to know process. It should be about healthy anticipation. Ahh... anticipation. I remember what that used to be like before the internet. CREATE TENSION!!! Tension is the coolest thing and it creates its own chemistry. Tension is simply created when there is more feeling and expression than there is ways to express it. If you guys have chemistry, the tension will build and you wont be able to keep off of each other. And the biggest uberest couldn't possibly stress it enough thing that you can do? STOP SPENDING THE NIGHT TOGETHER FOR NO REASON. You may scoff at me and let your need for instant gratification win, but nothing makes a relationship boring faster than repeated sleepovers... especially with no nookie. And that goes for going "out" for dates too. LIMIT the time spent "hanging out" at home. I mean it... please please please listen to me That is all...
Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 just out of curiousity, why did u and ur ex break up? how long were u guys together? having even some feelings for ur ex may make it harder to be in a new relationship, may it turn serious at some point. as for comparing her to ur ex, its a fairly easy thing to do especially since u havnt been broken up with ur that long ago. i agree that u shouldnt spend the night anymore, she/u/both of u may realize that its too fast. just take it slow and try to resolve any feelings u still have for ur ex. they may interfere with ur relationship now, believe me its very easy to do.
Author Kelso Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I was only with my ex for about 7-8 months or so. Not a really long relationship, but I still cared a lot for her. She broke up with me, saying that she didn't love me anymore. Tough life, but I guess that inside I knew it all the time that this wasn't gonna last for long - and definetly not a lifetime. So I consider myself pretty lucky that we broke up before it got even more serious. I agree with both of you that the MSN and texting is a no way to go. It had a lot to do with me and my ex breaking up for example. She was always online at work and I was online most of the time while at school. We chatted a lot during the day - and when we finally met each other in the night ... why had nothing to say because of heavy MSN using. I told the new girl that we should limit the MSN conversations and meet instead and she thought it was a good idea. I did that few days ago. It only makes sense....MSN is simply a boring way to chat. Funny thing though. I was sitting at the library at my school when I wrote the post last night. Minutes after I sent it, my friend text messaged me and told me that my new girl and her friend just came to his place and they were watching a movie. I met the new girl through this friend of mine. He told me to come...and I did. There was no room in the sofa when I got there, so I asked "so ... which of you can I sit on?". Not even a second later, the new girl threw my friend from the sofa to make some space for me. It felt nice Thanks for your advices guys...really appreciate it...
Krytellan Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Nice way to take advantage of the situation... Good luck.
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