RichC Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Today I returned (mailed back) the last thing that belonged to my ex g/f; the garage door opener. This closes the final chapter. I hope things work out for her and the kids. The ex left her with a very bad self image and the demeanor of someone used to taking punishment. She was a woman you could picture walking out of a kansas wheat field in a sun dress with bare feet. She had the freckles and all. She is very good and firm with the kids but they are entering a stage that requires all of her attention and effort. Only she knows the real reason she broke it off but, at least neither of us had to say "I cheated" or "I was abusive" or "I didn't treat him/her well". I think that is about the best you can ask for sometimes. Despite still hurting a little I wish her peace and hope and faith and love.
notmakingsense Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 That's a nice way to leave it -- wishing her peace, love, faith, and hope for her. Just remember to give wish, and give, the same thing to yourself. Many people forget to treat themselves as well as they did their exes, so focus on that for now.
CaliGuy Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 That's a very mature way to deal with it my friend. Never wish something bad on someone. Appreciate the experience, learn from it and let it benefit you for when the next Ms. Wonderful comes into your life. You'll be so much better off
singleagain Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 But now abide faith, hope, love,these three; but the greatestof these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:13) Hi. Sounds like you are accepting it rather than questioning it. (something I have a hard time doing).......... Keep looking ahead! *I am from NW Indiana too!**
Author RichC Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Thanks for the responses. Singleagain: I am in LaPorte but take the train into Chicago everyday. Sometimes we have to do what is best for us but does not necessarily feel the best. I still think about her alot but that is not stoping me from moving forward. Since time does not stop I can't either.
singleagain Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Michigan City here. I know what you mean. It's been 11 months since we went our separate ways. Off on off on all summer and fall. Now it's been 6 weeks no contact. Seeing the light sooooooo much clearer now. But I still have days where I miss him more than words can say and I don't even know why now looking back on how he treated me. Oh-well. Im better because of it. take care.
most Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I am in the same boat...This month is freaking killing me. My guy pushed and rushed our relationship, was always talking about some day we would have a life together...he wanted a normal life with me...would talk about how he was looking forward to the "mundane" home life. Then all the sudden he bailed, said he was too freaked to continue with me, and just wanted to date others. I was floored, in fact I'm still in shock. I gave him all of me 110%, we never fought, never had unkind words. Its hard to sit here night after night and think about what I could have done differently. It would have been easier if I were this awful b*tch, or if he were some loser. But the fact is...he was dearest to me in heart & soul. I was so proud of us...like this was a relationship that I truely was so proud of, I treasured it. It hurts to know he didn't and I wish he would have said...I love you for this moment, but down the road....I'm gonna kick ya to the curb. Instead of...I can't wait to start a life with you. Also, I get angry at it all...more at myself for not being wiser, and for letting him have the power to cut me into shreds. Sorry Rich to hijack your post....i just know how you are feeling.
notmakingsense Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I am in the same boat...This month is freaking killing me. My guy pushed and rushed our relationship, was always talking about some day we would have a life together...he wanted a normal life with me...would talk about how he was looking forward to the "mundane" home life. Then all the sudden he bailed, said he was too freaked to continue with me, and just wanted to date others. I was floored, in fact I'm still in shock. I gave him all of me 110%, we never fought, never had unkind words. Its hard to sit here night after night and think about what I could have done differently. It would have been easier if I were this awful b*tch, or if he were some loser. But the fact is...he was dearest to me in heart & soul. I was so proud of us...like this was a relationship that I truely was so proud of, I treasured it. It hurts to know he didn't and I wish he would have said...I love you for this moment, but down the road....I'm gonna kick ya to the curb. Instead of...I can't wait to start a life with you. Also, I get angry at it all...more at myself for not being wiser, and for letting him have the power to cut me into shreds. Sorry Rich to hijack your post....i just know how you are feeling. Most -- this is classic commitment-phobic behavior. They come on super strong, then bail. Do a google search on "fear of commitment" or "commitment phobic" -- somewhere there is a list of tell-tale signs, I just don't have the link any longer. If your ex was one of these -- there is nothing you could have done differently. Relationships with these types of folks are almost always doomed from the start.
Author RichC Posted February 7, 2007 Author Posted February 7, 2007 You will survive this. But you must endure for awhile. Do not let the pain make you embittered. Heal as best you can and drive on.
most Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 I am trying to do just that...get on with my life, but it feels like I just got punched in the tummy. I'm trying to be more honest with myself..instead of thinking I lost a great guy, I say ...well its a mouthful, so I will keep it in. Thanks for the wisdom. Oh yeah google was great...I read lots of info.
singleagain Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Most - I could have written those same words! I just bought the book - Men - Who can't love by Steven Carter. GET it and read it. It is amamzing. It's my guy through and through. It helps to understand a little. I know exactly how you feel. We were together at Christmas and he said to me "I love where we are now and how our relationship is progressing" We spent the day at his moms house and then made dinner with his son and my son together. He grabbed my face and said he loved me so much- etc etc. THEN --- 2 days later it was over again. It's draining and I'm really on my way to a great recovery. I agree with Rich -- you must go through the pain. You just HAVE to go through it to move on. Hugs!
miss snoopy Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Well done RichC - very mature approach! Most - I think this was the link Notmakingsense referred to: http://www.relationship-remedies.com/Commitmentphobia.html Your story is exactly what my ex's ex went through with him. Not a single bad second in the relationship, he said, yet he still walked. With me he learnt to project and so it was all my fault, absolving him of any blame. Just thank your stars it ended before you got in too deep. I know it's hard but there's nothing you could have done or can do to change it. It's not you, it's him. The worst ones are those who have no insight. They think they just haven't found the right girl yet. Many people think C-P is an excuse for "he's just not into you" but they haven't experienced one yet. You need someone who will love you enough they won't want to be without you. Leave these CPs alone to stumble from relationship to relationship, getting worse and more selfish each time.
most Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 I swear...I promise, from this day on, I will look for this trait, I will watch for these signs and bookmark that site. Gonna remember this for a long time to come, even tho I think he's an azz, I learned something and today I feel empowerd! Thanks you all are awesome!
FallenTree Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Most -- this is classic commitment-phobic behavior. They come on super strong, then bail. Do a google search on "fear of commitment" or "commitment phobic" -- somewhere there is a list of tell-tale signs, I just don't have the link any longer. If your ex was one of these -- there is nothing you could have done differently. Relationships with these types of folks are almost always doomed from the start. This is why I love this site...I learn something new every day. Wow, this describes my previous bf very very much so. He came on super strong - talking about how we would be when we were an old couple (before we were even dating) - and other such things & being very much the "good" boyfriend (whatever that means but very much attentive, a bit too much sometimes) then suddenly after a week of hanging out & family events, that's it! He's gone. Also interesting - "relationships with these types of folks are doomed from the start" - so funny, since he wrote a song two months before we had started dating called "the Failing Machine" about how in the end, he would fail me and how I had all these choices in the world, etc etc. Then, right after a weekend of meeting my parents, etc. there was another song called "Drop That Loser" written about himself (he was saying he was the loser) - great song, but weird that he had such low selfesteem.
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