hunnybuns Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 How in the world do you understand the other man? Oh my god they play games with your head so friggen bad it is unreal. Does anyone have advice on what you can say to them???
MoonGirl Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Could you be more specific? I suppose it depends on the situation. I assume you are the MW? What about you playing games with your H and OM? I assume you're lying to one or both of them. I'm not here to judge you...I am separating from my H and have an OM (long story). My OM doesn't play games. Each OM, like each person, is different as has a different reason for being an OM. In any case, we could offer better suggestions if you offer more detail about your situation.
Author hunnybuns Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Well I have been the OW for about 5 months. We have been communicating through email mostly and on the phone when the spouses are not around. Things have gotten weird lately. We usually email each other everyday and I haven't talked to him in a week. He usually expects me to do the emailing thing first. Well I decided to try something. I emailed him last on Wednesday and he still has not replied to my message. I decided to wait until he actually does email me before I can talk to him. Well he has been playing games with me the last few weeks. Telling me what he wants to do and when we are getting together next only to lead me on a little bit. There is quite an age difference but we have discussed many things and we know all the consequences of our actions. He is not one that likes to talk alot and that bothers me. He tells me it is all about sex and pleasuring each other which is fine. But dont you usually talk a bit. I dont know. I think he is being very stand off ish. Maybe I should email him but I am not sure what to say. HELP!!! All he will tell me is that.......he has been busy with work....blah blah blah. Always putting me on hold lately!! What can I say???
MoonGirl Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Hi HB, If your MM is into you for only sex, then maybe he's getting turned off by the amount of contact you desire via email and phone. You are both married, and he probably thought he'd have a nice time with you on the side. Now that you're displaying some real emotions for him, he's probably backing off. Instead of being up front with you, he's probably trying to take the easy way out - ignoring you and hoping that you'll go away. Of course, I can't be sure of this, but that's what it sounds like. Your MM told you the truth - he's in it for the sex. Why are you cheating on your husband? From what I've read (and in my own situation), women cheat when their emotional needs are not being met at home. Are you looking for an emotional bond with someone other than your husband?
Author hunnybuns Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Well as for my husband I just have lost that thing for him because for a long time there was no intimacy in the relationship. As for the other guy. That is why I stopped the email for a few days. But he also said whenever I am ready for the next step to let him know. So I dont know if that means dont write until your going to be around to **** or what? I dont know. As for the emotions....not an emotinal affair. I have always wanted to be with this man sexually. The chance presented itself and so I jumped.
Meaplus3 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 How in the world do you understand the other man? Oh my god they play games with your head so friggen bad it is unreal. Does anyone have advice on what you can say to them??? Hunnybuns, I am not sure what you should say to him, but I am sure from my situation and many other's I have come across on LS, They all play games! Why are you cheating in the first place? AP:)
Author hunnybuns Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 I dont know I guess I just needed someone at that time and he was there for me. He is a really good friend...and sometimes friends ****!!
Meaplus3 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I dont know I guess I just needed someone at that time and he was there for me. He is a really good friend...and sometimes friends ****!! I can understand you needing him at a certain time with the lack of closeness in your marriage. But you are in a A!!! You need to get out. Forget him and focus on your H. If he's cheating with you and lying to his wife, why would you want this man in your life? You are going to end up very hurt. He will continue to play you until it's "Game over" time for him. Why be second best to someone when you can be first in your H's eye's? AP:)
Author hunnybuns Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Well I believe my husband is doing the same thing so why does it matter right?
YoMomma Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I dont know I guess I just needed someone at that time and he was there for me. He is a really good friend...and sometimes friends ****!! Good friends don't "****" their married good friends....that is unless they no longer want to be friends ! Then I say go for it...just be prepared for when the $hit hits the fan and you ALL wind up getting hurt.
MoonGirl Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 HB, It sounds like you're in a bad place, both in your marriage and your affair. It doesn't sound like either relationship is good for you at the moment. Are you sure your husband is cheating? Do you have enough love left to work things out?
YoMomma Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Well I believe my husband is doing the same thing so why does it matter right? Hunnybuns - It matters because if he is cheating, and you are cheating then why the heck are you staying married? It also matters to the OM's wife... don't ya think she's like to be clued in out the fact that her husband is screwing around with a 'good friend'? Whatever you do - don't get pregnant... :eek:
Author hunnybuns Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 well that is kind of why I posted. I am not really sure what do with my life actually. I am at a cross road and dont know where to turn. Just wanted to see what I could say to th OM. But I guess maybe I will just write and say hello or something. Who knows. Thanks for the help!!
Meaplus3 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Well I believe my husband is doing the same thing so why does it matter right? Why does it matter? Because you and your H are married to one another!!! I am sorry for your situation it sound's messy. I think you need to talk with your H and either try to fix your marriage or get out of the M. Are there kid's involved here? AP:)
Je Ne Regrette Rien Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 HB, it sounds like you're concentrating your efforts on a man who has only offered you sex. Why would he e-mail you? Why would he want to chat? He has given you a boundary - sex and nothing more. I wouldn't expect him to offer much more in the way of communication to you. You sound like you're ina very difficult situation and you may be concetrating your efforts on your MM to get away from the issues about your H - he's (possibly) cheating, you're cheating, you don't love him? Maybe you should think about sorting that one out before thinking about the games with the MM - they sound like you might be wasting a lot of time and energy on a man who isn't particularly interested in anything but sexual relations with you.
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I Know I guess I just like the attention the MM does give me.......The H does not. Doesn't care. I am just the maid around here. Cook, clean, do laundry.....I am not good for anything else. MM lets me be the sexual freak I like to be. I am a very sexual person and he allows things to happen where the H doesn't!!!!! Maybe I need some real help. I dont know. But things are just weird!!!
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 No he says it is okay that we email. It's just sometimes he is busy and cant get right back to me as quick as I would like. So I thought I was emailing a little too much so I slowed it down and now he still wont email. Who friggen knows. Maybe that is his way of saying he's done. But everytime I do the little threat thing where I say " Well I guess there is no need to talk anymore. I am done with this whole thing." Then he starts to come around. I dont know why but when I tell him I am done .....he always comes crying back and sends me these sexy emails telling me what he wants to do to me ETC....he plays games with my head and I told him not to **** with my head. He says " Oh you love it- -you know you do". Which I do. Who wouldn't want a man talking dirty to them telling them what they want to do to them sexually. GRRRRRRRRRR......frustrating. I think I am the one who is going to have to email him...but what do I say. I dont want him to think I am just talking because Valentines Day is coming up. HELP!!!!!!!!!!
ratingsguy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 No offense, but to me it sounds like you a very impulsive person... willing to do whatever makes you happy without much thought about the possible negative ramifications or consequences. Although truthfully, I guess a lot of us here could fall into that category... but it seems that you're not giving ANY thought to what you're doing. The best advice I can give is to step back and try to understand why you are doing what you're doing. Don't jump to conclusions... if you love your H, sit down and find out how he feels. Then tell him how you feel. I'm guessing that you're probably pretty young, and maybe you weren't ready to get married in the first place. But that's in the past now. You need to try to communicate better with your H, and try to understand yourself better to find out what it is exactly that you need. Once you figure that out, don't move too fast... again step back and plan things out carefully. Forget about the OM for now, because it looks like she's already forgotten about you. But then again, what do I know?
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I have sat down and talked it over with the H. You cant talk to him about it. He thinks I am weird for wanting sex all the time. Usually it is the women that says no....but no it's him. I have asked if we could have an open marriage. He just laughed it off and said I was crazy. I have told him if he doesnt start fofilling my needs then I will leave. I am not putting up with someone who comes home and expects everything to just be nice and clean , have supper on the table and all his clothes laid out for him....then just sit around and watch tv all night. When I get naked and get in front of the tv he tell me to move he is watching something. WEIRD Now do you understand why I need it from some where else?????
addicted2love Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I have sat down and talked it over with the H. You cant talk to him about it. He thinks I am weird for wanting sex all the time. Usually it is the women that says no....but no it's him. I have asked if we could have an open marriage. He just laughed it off and said I was crazy. I have told him if he doesnt start fofilling my needs then I will leave. I am not putting up with someone who comes home and expects everything to just be nice and clean , have supper on the table and all his clothes laid out for him....then just sit around and watch tv all night. When I get naked and get in front of the tv he tell me to move he is watching something. WEIRD Now do you understand why I need it from some where else????? Wow HB sounds like we've got the same H! I'm right there with ya on that one. Sometimes I feel like I'm the guy in the R.
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 yeah really. What is wrong with them seriously. Maybe they are brothers or something. LOL
addicted2love Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I know HB it's crazy. I've been M for 13 years. We started having these issues right after we got M. The honeymoon phase was very short lived. He used to reject me all the time and I started to think there was something wrong with me, that it was my fault. I spent the first 5 years of my M depressed. I used to think he just wasn't a sexual person and that sex didn't mean that much to him. That was until he cheated on my twice (possibly 3x but i'll never know for sure about the 3rd one). We are in MC trying to figure all of this out. He no longer rejects my advances but 9 times out of 10 it's me making the advance toward him. Not to pat my own back but I'm an attractive, smart, funny, thin, woman with some "mad skills" in the bedroom. Most of his friends complain that their wives want nothing to do with them. I've gotten to the point were I feel like I'm just not "the one" for him. He hates it when I say that but damn it sure seems that way. He says he's not a good "flirt" but that is only when it comes to me. I've seen him flirt with co-workers and our employees before. I don't even think he realizes he's doing it but he definately is "good" at it and I've brought it to his attention. I think he's into sex...just not with me. Who knows. Not that two rights make a wrong but that is one of the reasons why it was so easy for me to enter into my A.
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 My H is the same way. I tell him I want him to talk dirty to me or flirt with me and he says he doesn't know how. Then we go to a store or a coffee shop and he knows how to flirt with the women there. I dont get it. I used to be a very jealous person when it come to him looking and talking to other women but not anymore....I just do the talking and flirting with the other men. I dont care if he gets mad...because he doesnt care. It ok when the shoe is on the other foot. It's funny because he tries to make me mad and when it doesn't work he wants to know what is wrong with me. I think it is totally funny!!
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I just thought of something. Do you people think it's possible he thinks my man found our emails or something. Because that is why I always make contact first. Oh shoot I never thought of that!! DUH!! What can I say???
Author hunnybuns Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Emailed MM. This is what I said. "Just wondering if you received any of my mail and making sure eveything is ok"" He responds. Hi No this is the first mail I've gotten WTF?? He responded. I responded back and I am waiting for another. We will see what he says!!
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