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Coping tips :)

RocketMan2

By RocketMan2
in Coping

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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I've taken a lot of good advice from people on here, and it has been really helping me so thanks a lot everyone!

 

I had a good day at work today for once. I managed to get on with things without getting too distracted :)

 

I was really upset this morning but some loud music in the car on the way to the station helped with that.

 

Its only day one of my trial of a new method to coping, and today was a good day! Coincidence? Only time will tell...

 

What I have been trying is personal affirmation! Every time you see a mirror, take a second to look in it an examine yourself. Shoulders back, chest out, deep breaths. Say to yourself (preferrably out loud - it does make a difference!): "I AM <NAME>" List your good traits and things you value about yourself. Smile while youre doing it :) HAPPY! Youre a great person, and just because someone else doesnt think so, so WHAT? Its their loss!

 

As soon as a thought about her enters your head, i mean THE SECOND you think about it, quell it with an "I AM <NAME>", then immediatly try and focus back on doing your boring job lol. It usually distracts me from the thoughts long enough to get onto thinking about something else.

 

Seems to be helping me some at least.

 

Ill let you know how it goes!

 

 

Rocket

polywog Established Member

polywog

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(((Rocket)))

 

You are a gem! Great advice, maybe I'll try it. Nice to hear you sounding so chipper, go Rocket, go!

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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lol I dont feel any better at all!

 

Ive tried being mardy about the whole thing for 5 weeks and its got me nowhere, so its time to try a different approach.

 

Underneath im hurting so much. Im having to squash thoughts of her right now! its so difficult. Better end this post before i break

 

 

Rocket

polywog Established Member

polywog

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I'm right there with you. OK, just look in that mirror and say "I am the invincible happy Rocket"..... fake it 'til ya make it.

 

what does "mardy" mean? I like that word.

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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I'm right there with you. OK, just look in that mirror and say "I am the invincible happy Rocket"..... fake it 'til ya make it.

 

:)

 

what does "mardy" mean? I like that word.

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=mardy

 

Woo, its officially local slang!

 

Rocket

polywog Established Member

polywog

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Kind of makes me think about Mardi Gras.

 

In Derbyshire the "Mardy Gras" would be a very annoying event, with a pathetic parade:laugh:

 

Let's hope you won't be attending....

 

just look in that mirror now and recite with me, as I look in my mirror:

 

"I Am Not Mardy"

 

:p

shockandawed Established Member

shockandawed

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I learned a new word today!!

 

Mardy is going to be worked into the mid-west

vocabulary now, lol!!!!

polywog Established Member

polywog

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Well, I am going to start using it in MA, and will tell my family in Ohio who love new words, so it should spread like wildfire in the USA.

 

So as Rocket does his affirmations in the mirror he can say that he enlightened our nation with a new Word! :bunny:

 

In any case I shall use "mardy" in my posts from now on as it does apply to me right now.;)

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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Oh the saga continues!

 

My friends have had to have a massive tidy up cos their landlord is doing an inspection and they might get evicted lol! Not lol, but... the place is a right mess :p

 

Anyway, this means theyre gonna want me to get rid of the ex's stuff!

 

Bloody hell!!!

 

What do i do with it? It cant stay there, and im not taking it to her!

 

I could get my friend to tell her to come get it... Bit awkward tho :s

 

Rocket

polywog Established Member

polywog

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How did it get there, did you take it? Does she know it's there? Did she refuse to take it when she left, forcing you to deal with it? What's the story, man?

shockandawed Established Member

shockandawed

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Rocket,

 

I see two choices for you.

 

#1 Can your friend take the stuff to her? Not probably his place, but what are friends for? I am sure you would do that for him if the situation was reversed.

 

#2 Send her a message, " Your stuff must be picked up from Joes place by noon on Thursday, or they are pitching everything. No need to reply"

polywog Established Member

polywog

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Rocket,

 

I see two choices for you.

 

#1 Can your friend take the stuff to her? Not probably his place, but what are friends for? I am sure you would do that for him if the situation was reversed.

 

#2 Send her a message, " Your stuff must be picked up from Joes place by noon on Thursday, or they are pitching everything. No need to reply"

 

 

I reread your threads. I agree with S&A's number 2 suggestion. Besides this, didn't you say she's become friends with them, too? Why don't they contact her? Her stuff being there is not your problem anymore, it's hers. Bet she'll get all mardy when she finds out her stuff will end out on the street.:p

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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They have fell out with her I think. She texts the girls asking to do stuff but they tell me they havent text back.

 

I really dont want to text her :(

 

Its her stuff that shes too lazy/scared to get from someone elses house who makes me feel awkward about trying to sort it out.

 

One of the guys would probably drop it off if i begged (the lazy gits), but what message is that sending, if any?

 

I could get one of them to text her and say she needs to come and get it...

 

 

Its over and I still can't accept it. I can't let go of the idea shes going to "realise what a mistake shes made" and come back. I know she isnt. I cant even think that thought because it hurts so much :(

 

 

I feel so pathetically helpless that she has so much control over me.

 

 

Rocket

shockandawed Established Member

shockandawed

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Rocket,

 

I feel for you.. Do you think this is possibly bothering you more because it is the last excuse for contact? You know, once she gets this stuff, there is no reason for her to contact you. Thats how I was. It seemed as long as there was some unfinished business, there was a chance to see her again.

 

Well, for me, that has ended and we still can't totally shake things. I am in a way envious of you that you are getting a painful but clean cut.

 

Show her a changed Rocket. Send her an indifferent text as said earlier. Get it by noon or they are pitching. Tell your friends the same thing. And then get out of it. It will put the decision squarely on her. Do not get dragged into anything with her. Stand your ground and ignore anything else. It's not your place to give a damn and she needs to know it. You have placed it in a neutral place, her job to get it.

 

Hang in there friend and post away. We are all here.

polywog Established Member

polywog

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They have fell out with her I think. She texts the girls asking to do stuff but they tell me they havent text back.

 

I really dont want to text her :(

 

Its her stuff that shes too lazy/scared to get from someone elses house who makes me feel awkward about trying to sort it out.

 

One of the guys would probably drop it off if i begged (the lazy gits), but what message is that sending, if any?

 

I could get one of them to text her and say she needs to come and get it...

 

 

Its over and I still can't accept it. I can't let go of the idea shes going to "realise what a mistake shes made" and come back. I know she isnt. I cant even think that thought because it hurts so much :(

 

 

I feel so pathetically helpless that she has so much control over me.

 

 

Rocket

 

I just don't think her stuff is your problem anymore. You don't have to text her. Don't do it. If you worry about it just dig deep into yourself, (the one you see in the mirror), and let those rotten thoughts wash over you and away, maybe down a drain, or better a toilet that you flush! Then replace the those thoughts with whatever makes you feel strong or happy, or something silly and funny. Fake it 'til ya make it.

 

As for all those feelings you have about wishing she would see the light,etc., boy I can sooo relate to that right now. It's been a month today since my break up, and I have part of myself that just can't accept it. I'm just trying my best to be kind to myself because I know that it's perfectly natural for this to happen. I'm trying to keep busy, and fakin' it 'til I make it as best I can....what more can we do?

 

On another thread you said you were unable to get NHS therapists, did you see my suggeston of trying to find out if there are other programs that can provide money or services? How about Universities with Psych departments? They would have clinics where you could see therapists in training.

 

Good luck rocket, thinkin' of ya....:bunny: you'll get thru it.

 

polywog

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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Rocket,

 

I feel for you.. Do you think this is possibly bothering you more because it is the last excuse for contact? You know, once she gets this stuff, there is no reason for her to contact you. Thats how I was. It seemed as long as there was some unfinished business, there was a chance to see her again.

 

That thought did cross my mind, but I don't think thats it. I don't want contact with her - because I know how much pain it will cause me, im talking heart-stopping, crushing disappointment when she acts cold with me.

 

Have you read this thread Shocked? The first post should provide sufficient info - it goes a bit OT with people not understanding what i meant in later posts (my bad explaination probably)... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110227/

 

Well this is the girl that lives with the 3 guys, who's house i pretty much squat at lol. My ex became friends with one of the guys sister and the other two guys girlfriends.

 

The lads dont care who's stuff is where, but the girl i speak about in that thread (lets call her R) is really...... not house-proud, but......I dn, she'll want rid of it though. The exes stuff was scattered around the place so it was kinda invisible, but them having to have a tidy up has accumulated it into an annoying pile.

 

Shes the only person who would be in a natural position to text the ex (the boys texting would clearly be prompted), but her and the ex hate each other :( One of the other girls might i suppose, but i dont want to drag them into it, its not fair. We aren't brilliant friends so i cant take the p*ss too much with them, ive already bored them stupid with my moanings. Any more is probably too much.

 

Why cant she just come and get her stuff instead of causing me all this agro!!!! grrrr.

 

I just don't think her stuff is your problem anymore. You don't have to text her. Don't do it. If you worry about it just dig deep into yourself, (the one you see in the mirror), and let those rotten thoughts wash over you and away, maybe down a drain, or better a toilet that you flush! Then replace the those thoughts with whatever makes you feel strong or happy, or something silly and funny. Fake it 'til ya make it.
Good tip building on what i posted in that other thread in the coping forum ;) Ill try and do that!

 

As for all those feelings you have about wishing she would see the light,etc., boy I can sooo relate to that right now. It's been a month today since my break up, and I have part of myself that just can't accept it. I'm just trying my best to be kind to myself because I know that it's perfectly natural for this to happen. I'm trying to keep busy, and fakin' it 'til I make it as best I can....what more can we do?

 

On another thread you said you were unable to get NHS therapists, did you see my suggeston of trying to find out if there are other programs that can provide money or services? How about Universities with Psych departments? They would have clinics where you could see therapists in training.

Good luck rocket, thinkin' of ya....:bunny: you'll get thru it.

 

polywog

Thanks for the support, honestly it means a lot :)

 

I was considering blagging my way into my Uni's counsellling service (I graduated last summer so shouldnt be elligable) but i've managed to get an appt. on monday with a counsellor in training instead!

Sounds dubious yes, but we had a long chat on the phone and she sounded very professional and caring :) Plus she gets to referr my case study to all her professors for advice on how to help me so i see that as an advantage more than anything. And you cant complain for £10 an hour!!!

 

Rocket

polywog Established Member

polywog

Posted
Posted

I was considering blagging my way into my Uni's counsellling service (I graduated last summer so shouldnt be elligable) but i've managed to get an appt. on monday with a counsellor in training instead!

Sounds dubious yes, but we had a long chat on the phone and she sounded very professional and caring :) Plus she gets to referr my case study to all her professors for advice on how to help me so i see that as an advantage more than anything. And you cant complain for £10 an hour!!!

 

Excellent! I am glad to hear that you blagged in! That will be a huge help for you and the guy in the mirror;)

 

What is "Blagged"? Great-sounding word :D You're my new source for vocabulary expansion.

shockandawed Established Member

shockandawed

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Rocket,

 

OK, I read the other link. Can the stuff be boxed and mailed? If so, even though not your place, I think it might be worth the peace of mind to do it.

 

This is an opportunity to show her you have changed and dont give a rats arse about her. Not as an attempt to get her back, but as an attempt to show her YOU are in control of your life and not whimsical to her crap anymore.

 

I still prefer you biting it and advising her to get her rear over there and pick it up or its gone. Goodbye...nothing more or any response back from you. That is your final words to her. Think of how proud you will feel of yourself knowing that the last things you said to her you were in charge of. Especially if she does try to respond and whine and it falls on deaf ears. Rocket ends it on top...

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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Excellent! I am glad to hear that you blagged in! That will be a huge help for you and the guy in the mirror;)

 

What is "Blagged"? Great-sounding word :D You're my new source for vocabulary expansion.

 

I didn't goto the Uni in the end, it was a private place, the lady just happens to be training (nothing to do with my Uni).

 

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=blag ;)

 

 

Rocket

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RocketMan2 Established Member

RocketMan2

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Rocket,

 

OK, I read the other link. Can the stuff be boxed and mailed? If so, even though not your place, I think it might be worth the peace of mind to do it.

 

This is an opportunity to show her you have changed and dont give a rats arse about her. Not as an attempt to get her back, but as an attempt to show her YOU are in control of your life and not whimsical to her crap anymore.

 

I still prefer you biting it and advising her to get her rear over there and pick it up or its gone. Goodbye...nothing more or any response back from you. That is your final words to her. Think of how proud you will feel of yourself knowing that the last things you said to her you were in charge of. Especially if she does try to respond and whine and it falls on deaf ears. Rocket ends it on top...

 

 

I'm just waiting for this girl to tell me to take the exs stuff (it will be tell, not ask - shes not in a good mood with me atm :()

She wont appreciate my position and it will be awkward for me to answer (i dont want it, if she wants rid of it she can text her - but she wont want to and will see it as my responsibility)

 

I dont give 2 sh*ts if she puts her stuff in the bin. Well I do, noone deserves their stuff being thrown away lol but you know what i mean.

 

I just want peace!!!

 

 

Rocket

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