goldenbug Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Hi. I am a newbie on this board. I am a 46 year old man and I am a member of two other boards that use a similar format so it all seems normal here! I am in a quandry and trying to seek advice. My marriage is now in its 22nd year. My wife and I have 3 children: A daughter who is 20 and two sons who are 17 and 15. I guess I should start at the beginning. When I proposed to my wife, I really did not love her but we liked doing some of the same things. On the advice of a Pastor, I was told to do it and the feelings would follow later. So one night, I proposed to her. We had never dated (not even ONCE) or spent much time together. My wife is 5 years older than me and she has significantly different interests and likes than me. She was the oldest in her family and I the youngest. She has always looked about 10 to 15 years older than me and on several occasions people asked me if she was my mother....try living with a lady for a few weeks after that happens..hahahahaha! One of the problems in our relationship though is that she really is more like a mother than a wife. I have come to dislike being around her so much! I have to travel a lot for my business and I love travelling for the sole purpose that I do not have to be around her. Sad but true. My wife has old fashioned religious morals and I do not. I love country music, going to bars and having a drink with the guys and girls (I have never been drunk in my life!) but all that stuff she considers a "sin" and won't hear of me doing those things. She makes sure every morning that I have brushed my teeth, shaved, yada yada yada....I am so freaking tired of it. I am not a screamer or a fighter but she yells A LOT! At me, at the kids and I am weary. I can honestly say I never really thought, "WOW! I love that lady." Not once in 22 years! What has kept me motivated is our children. I love my children and I have hung in there for them. However, I am now getting to the point of being so weary and tired in this, I just want out. My wife and her family are highly religious people and to them, divorce or separation is a terrible sin. They take the position that there is no grounds ever for a divorce. What has begun to frighten me is that in 3 years, our last child will leave home and it will be just her and me! I can't imagine that! I have a "secret" group of friends. They are the type my wife would not approve of me having for friends. They are all recommending me to get out no matter how painful it will be. I amstarting to think they are right. Anyone here got any thoughts? I'd appreciate it, especially from the ladies here on the board!
jmargel Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Well I guess you should ask yourself if you love your wife. If there is the smallest possibility that you do, then my advice would be to seek a marriage counselor (not a pastor or religious figure). Find one that is licensed so that you may be allowed to get your point and views across to her. It could be that you two have bad/no communication between each other. I could ask why you married her when you two didn't even date, but that is a moot point. What you have to focus on here, is the future. I won't nor should anyone here tell you what to do. Even a good marriage counselor won't, but what they will do is allow both of you see the situation you are in, in a different angle which will allow you to make informed decisions.
Author goldenbug Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Well I guess you should ask yourself if you love your wife. If there is the smallest possibility that you do, then my advice would be to seek a marriage counselor (not a pastor or religious figure). Find one that is licensed so that you may be allowed to get your point and views across to her. It could be that you two have bad/no communication between each other. I could ask why you married her when you two didn't even date, but that is a moot point. What you have to focus on here, is the future. I won't nor should anyone here tell you what to do. Even a good marriage counselor won't, but what they will do is allow both of you see the situation you are in, in a different angle which will allow you to make informed decisions. Thanks jmargel. Do I love my wife....now that is the million dollar question, even though that may sound cruel. You are correct in saying that there is poor communication between us. I clamed up years ago when I felt like I was talking to my mother or my 1st grade school teacher. I appreciate the balanced advice! Much appreciated!
Gunny376 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 If you decide to stay married to her, let me know! :) I'll be more than willing to help a Brother out! Next summer, when you're out front of the house cutting the grass, I'll be glad to pick up speed and run over you miserable azz, and put you out of your misery! I promise it'll be quick, and if the first run doesn't take you out, I'll get out and beat you like a tettered goat!
Author goldenbug Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 If you decide to stay married to her, let me know! :) I'll be more than willing to help a Brother out! Next summer, when you're out front of the house cutting the grass, I'll be glad to pick up speed and run over you miserable azz, and put you out of your misery! I promise it'll be quick, and if the first run doesn't take you out, I'll get out and beat you like a tettered goat! You are kind of one of those sick and demented people that frequent boards, IMHO.
Gunny376 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 You are kind of one of those sick and demented people that frequent boards, IMHO. Not really, I was just being factious! Get your drawers out of your crack! It was a joke that you didn't get!
mockeryjones Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 If you decide to stay married to her, let me know! :) I'll be more than willing to help a Brother out! Next summer, when you're out front of the house cutting the grass, I'll be glad to pick up speed and run over you miserable azz, and put you out of your misery! I promise it'll be quick, and if the first run doesn't take you out, I'll get out and beat you like a tettered goat! god that brings a tear to my eye. if that ain't brotherly love i don't know what is.........
Ladyjane14 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 It was a joke that you didn't get! Maybe all the smiley face and laughter emoticons don't show up on his screen. But just in case they do, this one in particular indicates a joke ====> :p :p
Author goldenbug Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Maybe all the smiley face and laughter emoticons don't show up on his screen. But just in case they do, this one in particular indicates a joke ====> :p :p Thanks Lady Jane! And a smiley face to you! All the best.
Ladyjane14 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 When a problem stems from within, like feeling emotionally unfulfilled... change won't happen unless you're proactive in making it happen. So, if you're REALLY unhappy, you have to pull up your bootstraps and make some hard choices, right? If you're have a hard time doing that, perhaps some one-on-one counseling might help you sort it all out. The first step is to call your health insurance company and ask for a verification of your benefits and a list of preferred providers. The alternative to becoming "proactive" and hopping into the driver's seat of YOUR life.... is that we send Gunny to administer the coup de grace. You know, brotherly love being what it is. :p <==== (joke smilies)
Gunny376 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 You are kind of one of those sick and demented people that frequent boards, IMHO. Why, Thank You! :p :p
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