Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 well thanks for ur replys guys. the thread got a tad off the subject..i think he's just afraid i'll cheat on him like his ex did. he'll get over it. but i did realize what i was doing and why i was being so dependant on him. i talked with him and told him that i'm going through a rough time and he told me he would always listen to me and be there for me. i'm going to try to distance myself from my mom, and maybe it will make me more stable and secure. my relationship is good, yes stupid issues come up, as with any other relationship. its nice to get so many responses about everything is nice, feels like people care. that may sound stupid but i dont have a lot of support out there. i know everything will be ok now that i realize what is happening.
Walk Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I don't have anything significant to add to the thread. Just wanted to say... I hope things are going better for you today. And I'm really sorry to hear about your mom. I lean on my mom a lot too, and when she was sick it really sent me for a downward spin. Have you thought about finding a support outside of your friends and bf? Like maybe a priest, or counselor at your school. Someone you can unload problems onto and not have to hold back, or feel scared that you're reveling too much, or burdening the other too much. When I went through my divorce I started talking to a preacher at one of the local churches. I'm not even religious.. but I didnt' feel comfortable unloading everything onto the people around me. It was a safe place just to vent and get some feedback. And it helped immensely. Plus it was free... and since I didn't have any money, that was a main concern of mine. I know my school has a counseling center for students to deal with personal problems. I'm sure yours would too.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 i want to talk to a counselor but the problem is, if i do talk to one i would have to talk about what my mom is doing (violence, abuse, ect.) and i know from being a counselor myself that they are mandated to report to the authorities. the emotional abuse and violence is what is effecting me and tearing me up the most, not as much that my mom is depressed. its her psychotic episodes, and unfortunately those usually escalate to violence. i'm not sure what to do now, i talked to my bf about it last night because i had a bad episode yesterdaywith my mom, and he was very understanding. he feels bad for me and knows how difficult this is. he said he loves me and will always be there for me, and thought that maybe i just should stay away from my mom for awhile. the thought of that is horrid, but it is my only chance of regaining emotional sanity so i dont lose my bf. any other opinions or advice would be wonderful! thanks for all ur support i appreciate it.
ash519 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I am going to stay off the Mom and family topic because that is something that is a long time in the making and deserves it's on focus. As for your bf's dreams: I have had them to about my bf! I hate them, and at first I would wake up mad in a way and they really bothered me. But they werent because i was really worried he would cheat (although I am insecure myself) but maybe it was a fear of losing him. He is very important to me. Also, it was just a dream. I have really bad dreams! Star_Gazer was showing you something important when she listed all your previous posts. It seems as though the advice you would get just went in one ear and out the other, and I dont mean that in an attacking way. I think you need to really realize that MOST of this is your insecurity and for you to fix and then you will no longer have to ask the same question repeatedly in different threads. I am not saying I am any better. I am very insecure myself, but I realize it is me and I am working so hard within myself to fix it and then when I need to figure out a new aspect of it, I come here and ask. Unfortunately these threads follow you around and many of us here like "background" history. In your case maybe it is a good thing and you should go back through them again. I think insecurity can throw you off on many different angles. Maybe your insecurity is making you 'boring' in bed as your bf hinted...maybe that is why you really want to meet his parents, so you are closer to him and he feels you are less 'disposable'...you wanted to spend time with him during the test because you were worried what he was actually doing or you just wanted that attention... Whatever it is, it is a bitch to get past!!!! I wish you the best of luck!!!
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 yes i am extremely insecure about relationships..its real hard to overcome especially since deepdown i know my bf does love me..its just hard cause i get paranoid he doesnt anymore. this is from past relationships and an ex bf who really hurt me. he did a lot of damage that i am still trying to get past. thats why all these threads are coming, stupid issues that do stem from insecurity that i shouldnt even be worrying about. i am in a good relationship finally and i am making it much more difficult. i'm not sure how to overcome the insecurity however, i always get paranoid my bf doesnt love me and that he is going to break up with me. anyone know how to stop feeling this way?
ash519 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 i have no idea how!!! I am trying to figure it out too. Things I have done: Started focusing on other things, friends, work, organizing my life...making myself feel better about MYSELF first. That is most imporatant because no matter what happens in life, you always have yourself! Pay attention to what he does do. I have the same problem, I focus on the negative and then forget all the posotive. You said your bf JUST told you he loves you, is there for you etc...but I bet tomorrow if he doesnt call on time or his tone of voice seems off you will completely forget about the good and think the worse. Dont. People dont fall out of love over night. If he was moody for months then question things, but if there is a week or a few days here and there just be supportive, dont bomb him with questions and let it go. Remember he is LUCKY to have you, and if he ever thinks he is not, then he is going to be very unlucky by losing you. A life lived in fear is a life not worth living. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. It's hard, it wont change over night....but remember, try and calm your reactions on him because as much love as there is these kind of issues can destroy a relationship that is great otherwise. Damn, i need to take my own advice more often.
Salicious Crumb Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 i dont even know what to say here..it was just A QUESTION. all of these things that i have ever wrote are new to me. i have never been in a relationship like this before. they are new experiences that i was wondering if anyone had any insight about. its not "wining" its asking for advice like everyone else on the website does. Bah...don't pay Star Gazer no mind....she thinks a guy is a jerk if he doesn't like the fact that she sleeps around with multiple guys at the same time.
Star Gazer Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 i want to talk to a counselor but the problem is, if i do talk to one i would have to talk about what my mom is doing (violence, abuse, ect.) and i know from being a counselor myself that they are mandated to report to the authorities. That can't be true. I have been to therapy for abuse from a BF in years past, and no report was made. It was my understanding that reports are made only if/when there's a child involved or you personally indicate an intention to harm yourself or someone else. So unless you're under the age of 18 or threatening to abuse your mom, you're good to go.
Author Lauriebell82 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 yes i know my sister is under 18 though. anyway i guess i'm hesitant to talk to a counselor, not sure why.
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