meg1982 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Maybe you guys can let me know if I'm blowing this out of proportion or if I'm right. For a while I've known about my boyfriends internet porn watching tendencies. We've been together six years and he's always dabbled in it. My problem is that he seems to watch it way more that what I think is healthy or normal. The type of stuff he's watching is really disturbing to me as well. It seems especially demeaning, even by porn standards. What really bothers me is that he tries to incorporate this kind of sex into our relationship and I don't like it at all. He also seems to have forgotten what foreplay is, which I also blame on the porn. I've tried to gently explain to him how I feel, but he is uber defensive and denies that he watches it a lot. I know that he does, we use the same computer and he's not exactly covering his tracks. Should I just let it go? He works a grueling labor job and I don't suspect actual cheating, there isn't much time for it. Please let me know what you think.
EnigmasMuse Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Maybe you guys can let me know if I'm blowing this out of proportion or if I'm right. For a while I've known about my boyfriends internet porn watching tendencies. We've been together six years and he's always dabbled in it. My problem is that he seems to watch it way more that what I think is healthy or normal. The type of stuff he's watching is really disturbing to me as well. It seems especially demeaning, even by porn standards. What really bothers me is that he tries to incorporate this kind of sex into our relationship and I don't like it at all. He also seems to have forgotten what foreplay is, which I also blame on the porn. I've tried to gently explain to him how I feel, but he is uber defensive and denies that he watches it a lot. I know that he does, we use the same computer and he's not exactly covering his tracks. Should I just let it go? He works a grueling labor job and I don't suspect actual cheating, there isn't much time for it. Please let me know what you think. Exactly what kinds of things is he watching that you feel is disturbing? Have you talked with him about how this makes you feel? If you have, and it doesn't seem to matter to him, then the ball may lie in your court. You may have to decide what it is you will and will not accept. If this is something he can not see your side of, or you all can not find some kind of middle ground on the issue, you may have to leave the relationship behind in order to find some kind of peace of mind for yourself.
Jeffrey Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 You can either lay out very clear boundries as to what part porn plays, you can ignore it it or you can leave him. If he uses porn as an aid to masturbation (Which I find very common and accetpable) then it's highly unlikely he's going to change in that regard. If he continuously chooses to masturbate over having sex with you, the choice seems pretty clear. If he's not choosing it over, you have to decide whether it's something you can handle.
norajane Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 What really bothers me is that he tries to incorporate this kind of sex into our relationship and I don't like it at all. He also seems to have forgotten what foreplay is, which I also blame on the porn. I've tried to gently explain to him how I feel, but he is uber defensive and denies that he watches it a lot. Tackle your most important problems first. Meaning, table the porn discussion, and work on the sex discussions. Whatever it is he is trying to incorporate that he learned from porn, you have to tell him each and every time he does it that you don't like it. Tell him porn is porn for a reason - masturbation, not as a how-to manual. Explain to him that those girls are getting paid money to be used like that. Tell him how you like to be touched. Be consistent, as you would with a child. Teach him what is and isn't acceptable for you during sex. Remind him what foreplay is, and how much you need it in order to want to have sex with him and to get turned on. Tell him how much you like it when he does x, or how much it turns you on when he does y. When he is doing something you like, make sure to let him know that you are enjoying it. And then, also add things to your sex life that you want to try. Surprise him with something new, send him dirty emails telling him what you'd like to do to him next time you see him, have fun with it. Once you've got your sex life back on track, then you can have the porn discussions. I have no experience with guys who overdose on porn, so I'm afraid I can't give you any advice on that. Maybe it won't matter so much if he watches the porn as long as you are both enjoying your sex life. But if it does, you may have to consider breaking up and dating a man whose views about porn are similar to yours.
Angiela316 Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Sweetie I know what your going through. Ive been down that o so familiar road. First off and most importantly. Never question your feelings. you should never just have to get over it. if it hurts you even the slightest than thats good enough reason for your man to stop. To me porn is a form of cheating. Ive been in both situations were ive caught my boyfriend looking at porn and ive caught my boyfriend in bed with another woman. and guess what it was the same feeling your heart stops your devasted you dont know what to think you get sick to your stomach its all the same feeling. The problem with pornography is this.....woman question it. They say is it cheating? is it ok? hes not actually with another woman just in his mind he is. Its just a fantasy. which to me is cheating! by all means its wrong!!! You would never say to your boyfriend;its ok hun his d*ck really isnt in me. im just fantasizing that hes bending me over and f*cking me from behind! but its ok cause its not really happening! Thats not right! Thats like saying well i can be with another person in my mind cause its not phisicaly real. so going off that statement than that would mean you could have feelings for another person because its not a physical thing. the point is it doesnt matter if its physical or not. its still happening and its still wrong and sweetie you dont and shouldnt have to deal with it. you have to be completly honest with you man how it makes you feel. tell him everything. ask him if he realises that porn is the number 1 cause of divorce in the united states. ask him if its worth it to him.
Guest Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I really think you are not overreacting at all. I think porn is a huge problem that is just increasing and may have to do with the high divorce rates in this country. They try to relate the blame to the fact that theyre men and that is why they do it because they have to because it's in their nature. It's in our nature to reproduce but u dont see us sleeping around until we get impregnated. The only thing I would suggest is to make sure he's not on any dating sites or that he's not looking for casual encounters.. Good luck. Men are sick and messed up in the head period and all this damn porn is just making it worse and the fact that we are forced to believe it's acceptable is making it even worse. Soon we might be forced to believe that cheating is ok too and we'll just start looking past it.
Jeffrey Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 What a load of confusing tripe. Porn doesn't make people sleep around. And sick and messed up in the head eh? I really think you are not overreacting at all. I think porn is a huge problem that is just increasing and may have to do with the high divorce rates in this country. They try to relate the blame to the fact that theyre men and that is why they do it because they have to because it's in their nature. It's in our nature to reproduce but u dont see us sleeping around until we get impregnated. The only thing I would suggest is to make sure he's not on any dating sites or that he's not looking for casual encounters.. Good luck. Men are sick and messed up in the head period and all this damn porn is just making it worse and the fact that we are forced to believe it's acceptable is making it even worse. Soon we might be forced to believe that cheating is ok too and we'll just start looking past it.
Mythical Posted February 9, 2007 Posted February 9, 2007 I don't think porn has anything to do with cheating either. If this is bugging you though you have the right to say something. Is he not having sex with you as often?? What kind of disturbing porn? Personally I love pron and i love reanacting it with my boy. Not everyone is like that though and you are one of them, maybe you guys have sexual differences?? Or did he just become like this recently?
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 I think anyone who says porn isn't a problem has never really been with a person truly addicted to porn. Porn itself is not an issue... I honestly don't mind porn and even own some of my own videos. In a pinch, it's helpful and sexy. But when a guy does it everyday and actually says that HE PREFERS MASTURBATING TO PORN than acutally having sex with you (yes my ex did actually say that), well then you have a serious problem. He would get SO PISSED at me, and I'd cry and cry and he would just refuse to deal with his addiciton. He would only have sex with me once a week at the most, and when I told him that just wasn't enough for me to have sex once on a weekend night, he basically said too bad because that's the way it's going to be. You mentioned the weird stuff... did he like rape scenes? My ex liked those. He had a whole windows desktop full (I am not exaggerating... acutally he had over a desktop full) of little videos he had saved from the internet. How pathetic is that. He didn't even try to do it behind my back. He even looked up porn on MY LAPTOP and then tried to lie about it. WTF! I know you did because who else would have googled "big boobs" ?! Ugh... I'm getting pissed all over again. Leave him, girl! No one should have to put up with it, and believe me it doesn't get better!!!! If he is willingly doing something so upsetting to you, he is a jerk. At the very least, he isn't the right man for you.
Krytellan Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Great, another porn topic back up and running. Please refer to one of the other 1,426 articles somewhat loosely titled "My man is a scumbag for watching porn". There are plenty of great man-bashing posts therein. I think we have come to the conclusion that: Men suck Watching porn leads to his infidelity If he watches porn his woman must be a skank Men suck He wants to marry a porn star His biggest desire is to turn his gf/wife into a porn star Men suck Porn watchers should burn in hell If he watches porn, he doesn't love you Men suck Men suck Or something like that...
Recommended Posts