OD3 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Ok, a bit of a background check summary here of myself so you can draw up some sketchy analysis of me. im 25, and I am (according to a lot of people) good looking. I dress really well and I like taking care of myself. Metrosexual has been used sometimes. Homosexual as well, although im not. My looks arnt a problem basically. I was in a relationship for 2 years and she cheated on me and left me for this guy. Its shattered me. It was the first time that I ever truely had my heart broken. Its been 3 months and Im getting on. Ive met some girls and stuff, and I like them, however this is my biggest problem. I dont know how to initiate the first kiss! How sad is that. (Although I have managed to get sex a couple of times....cant say i know how that happened). And i delay it for so long, that they a) either assume i just want to be mates, or b) lose interest. Its some mental block I have gained since I had my ex cheat on me, and its seriously messing up my chances with some lovely girls here. What is wrong with me?
RocketMan2 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 My ex before this ex cheated on me. It was going on for months with one of my 'mates' who i worked with. He's basically a hobo, rough as a tramp, looks like one, dresses like one, similar intelligence. I felt great about that. It has messed me up with trust issues, which is something i thought my last ex understood when i explained it to her. She clearly didnt after some of the things she said when we broke up. You have to take a chance. Get to know these girls a bit bitter. Be yourself. The right person will see you for who you are and understand. If they don't then they can clear off! Thats my view anyway. I guess im just an understanding person, but if a girl was giving me mixed messages (what you may be doing) I'd just come out with it and ask them (with the right timing) and hopefully help them with whatever their problem was. Maybe thats just my naive view, noones ever extended me the same courtesy First kisses are always awkward. If you're unsure as to whether she's ready then try and engineer a situation that will help you determine if she is. By that i mean set the mood. Cook a romantic dinner or something. If you still cant tell just go for it. Whats the worst that can happen? Rocket
polywog Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Maybe you just aren't ready for a new relationship, you are healing (three months isn't very long) so you are, indeed, blocked from initiating a kiss. I'm a woman, and for me kisses are, strangely, often more intimate than sex. I know that sounds weird, but I could understand when you described that you managed to have sex without that first kiss. A first kiss for someone who is sensitive is like opening a door, so maybe you don't feel ready to go there. Maybe I'm way off base here, but it's just my guess....
Author OD3 Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Maybe you just aren't ready for a new relationship, you are healing (three months isn't very long) so you are, indeed, blocked from initiating a kiss. I'm a woman, and for me kisses are, strangely, often more intimate than sex. I know that sounds weird, but I could understand when you described that you managed to have sex without that first kiss. A first kiss for someone who is sensitive is like opening a door, so maybe you don't feel ready to go there. Maybe I'm way off base here, but it's just my guess.... I agree that 3 months is a short time. so do my friends. Especially when you loved that person with all your heart and they crushed you. But I also feel the longer I take to just get over it, the most opportunities ill miss out on. Some girls also give out mixed signals, like they invite you out of their own, and then you get the impression they dont really fancy you...and then you get a text asking if you want to go out again? Eh??? wtf. Enough to drive someone crazy it is.
polywog Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I agree that 3 months is a short time. so do my friends. Especially when you loved that person with all your heart and they crushed you. But I also feel the longer I take to just get over it, the most opportunities ill miss out on. Some girls also give out mixed signals, like they invite you out of their own, and then you get the impression they dont really fancy you...and then you get a text asking if you want to go out again? Eh??? wtf. My dear OD3, not to sound patronizing, but you are young and impatient! I can guarantee that you will have Plenty of opportunities, it sounds like you do now and that will not change. As for these girls who are giving mixed signals, some of them probably are, but some of them may be picking up on the fact that you are healing from your broken heart and are not ready to be in a relationship. Trust me, whether you know it or not, you are probably sending out some mixed signals of your own right now. When you heal a bit more and are truly ready to be with another, things will just come about naturally. 3 months is just so soon, you are hurting now and that will get less over time.
Author OD3 Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 My dear OD3, not to sound patronizing, but you are young and impatient! I can guarantee that you will have Plenty of opportunities, it sounds like you do now and that will not change. As for these girls who are giving mixed signals, some of them probably are, but some of them may be picking up on the fact that you are healing from your broken heart and are not ready to be in a relationship. Trust me, whether you know it or not, you are probably sending out some mixed signals of your own right now. When you heal a bit more and are truly ready to be with another, things will just come about naturally. 3 months is just so soon, you are hurting now and that will get less over time. Your probably right. Im a believer that what you are feeling on the inside generally makes a nasty habbit of manifesting on the outside quite easily. Maybe im giving off signals too.... Thank you for your words though! they wernt patronising at all! Ive noticed everyone on this forum is really friendly.....what are you guys on? can I have some? PM me...
CaliGuy Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 You just have to be willing to make a move and not be ashamed or embarrassed. If she kisses you back, that's a good sign. If not well then you know
polywog Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Ive noticed everyone on this forum is really friendly.....what are you guys on? can I have some? PM me... I wish I was on what you think I'm on! I'm just a battle-scarred veteran of the love wars, and saw myself in your post. Now you have my female advice and Caliguy's very practical male advice on the kssing thing, you should be all set....
Author OD3 Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 You just have to be willing to make a move and not be ashamed or embarrassed. If she kisses you back, that's a good sign. If not well then you know Such a simple answer, yet it really does make the most sense. Thank you. I will use this advice on friday hopefully Thanks to everyone else too!
CaliGuy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Such a simple answer, yet it really does make the most sense. Thank you. I will use this advice on friday hopefully Thanks to everyone else too! Sometimes we tend to over-analyze and over-think things when the simpliest answer is usually the right one. Cheers and good luck.
Lauriebell82 Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 i agree with everyone else..ur probably not over ur ex and seriously being out of the dating scene isnt going to "ruin ur chances" of meeting girls. u'll have much more success with dating and relationships if u dont go into them broken hearted. iknow from experience (granted i'm a girl) that u project things to potential dates when ur not over a past relationship, especially a bad one. when the time comes for u to date again, u'll be all ready to kiss some girl till ur hearts content.
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