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Having Kids?

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Guest

Guest

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I am deeply in love with this girl and it's going great at the moment. We always talk about our future together as we both feel so much towards the other, (its the happiest I have ever been). The only problem I can see is that she wants kids in the future and I really dont. We're still young she says it will be in like 10 years time but i cant ever see myself having a baby, yet i cant see myself without her.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation but once older changed their minds and enjoyed having a kid. Or did you have a kid to please your partner and regret it? I know that if by accident something happened I would love the baby and do everything i can for it but i cant see myself wanting to do the hard work involved in being a dad.

CardPlay3r Established Member

CardPlay3r

Posted
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Probably your attitude would change when having a kid of your own...besides you might want to have them later...

LuckyStar26 Member

LuckyStar26

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I am deeply in love with this girl and it's going great at the moment. We always talk about our future together as we both feel so much towards the other, (its the happiest I have ever been). The only problem I can see is that she wants kids in the future and I really dont. We're still young she says it will be in like 10 years time but i cant ever see myself having a baby, yet i cant see myself without her.

 

Has anyone else been in this situation but once older changed their minds and enjoyed having a kid. Or did you have a kid to please your partner and regret it? I know that if by accident something happened I would love the baby and do everything i can for it but i cant see myself wanting to do the hard work involved in being a dad.

If you are young now, then it is almost certain that as you mature and as your relationship with this girl grows then your attitude towards having children will also differ.

 

Its nye on impossible to set something like not wanting children in stone when you dont yet know what your future holds. If you and your GF are still together in 10 years time, then you can bet your bottom dollar that to hear the pitter patter of tiny feet will then not seem such a daunting fate.

 

If your relationship with your GF develops accordingly, so will your desire for children. I am sure that having children will become the next natural step to take in your relationship and the prospect of bringing something into the world that is part of both of you is an opportunity not to be dismissed lightly.

 

If you still dont feel the urge for children in 10 years time, then one would hope that you would be comfortable enough with your partner at the time, to discuss your feelings and work out what is best for your future together.

anna13 Established Member

anna13

Posted
Posted

If you dont feel like you want kids , it is definitly not good to have kids just to please your partner. your still young so in a few years together and as your bond grows , you may change the way you feel . but even if you dont ., nothing is wrong with not having kids. I have ateenager and a toddler. children arent chia pets . i mean they dont just grow till their 18 and move on , it is a life long commitment , and will change everything you know about your life. so later, when you do think about having kids . think long and hard about it because there is no turning back after youhave a child . point blank dont do anything you dont want to do . because if you fo against what you really want or dont want , you will be extrememly unhappy for the rest of your life.

Guest

Guest

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Thanks for the comments people. I've just realised that i sounded really selfish with my post.

 

I'm not going to do something like have a kid just to please someone else as it's not fair on the kid more then anyone else.

 

I think my problem is that if I have kids I am scared that I wont be a good dad or be able to provide them with the stuff they need/want to have a happy life. Or I wont be able to protect them either. How would you cope with bullying or even somehting worse?

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
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Well, I think your concerns are normal. Kids are lovely but I didn't want them when I was young and now that I'm older I haven't changed my mind. My husband felt the same way so we are happy. Having children and the way you want to rear them is a very important topic to discuss before marriage. You have to be honest with your gf as to how you feel.

candy Established Member

candy

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how old are you? i must say i always wanted kids,as i got older i started to feel like you did. but the fact that you seem to be on the young side, you might chsange you never know. who knows, myabe SHE'LL change her mind!

quankanne Established Member

quankanne

Posted
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my nephew and his wife have been together since their senior year in high school, and they're 30 now. She always said she wanted a big family (it's only her and her brother in their family), but nephew balked at the idea of babies after they married, I think because of all the trauma that came with his parents' divorce and his worries about being a good dad. But, he's wonderful with his sister's kids, and I think that may have brought him around, because they're actively trying to have a baby now.

 

 

I think my problem is that if I have kids I am scared that I wont be a good dad or be able to provide them with the stuff they need/want to have a happy life. Or I wont be able to protect them either. How would you cope with bullying or even somehting worse?

 

give your kids a good solid foundation of love and sense of self. You're never gonna be able to fend off all the bullies your child will face in life, but if he is confident about himself, the experience won't be a crushing one.

 

as for "stuff" – they're going to want the latest whatever it is that's out there, but you know what? They're happiest knowing they've got your attention and that you're willing to spend time with them. Everything else is icing on the cake.

 

besides, everyone knows that little kids like playing with the box better than they do the gift inside the box! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

VinaAmez Established Member

VinaAmez

Posted
Posted

besides, everyone knows that little kids like playing with the box better than they do the gift inside the box! :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

 

Yep! Give them the box and wrapping paper and their good to go.:laugh:

 

To Guest:

 

When I was younger I didn't want anything to do with kids. Didn't even want to be around them because I found them to be annoying.

 

Now at my age, I'm leaning away from that and moving towards wanting them some day. Do you think I have a clue as to how to raise them? Sort of but there are still some fears that I have. I mostly worry about screwing them up but I think a lot of people ask themselves that.

HeyYouGuys Established Member

HeyYouGuys

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You never know how your feelings will change over time, but some people are quite certain they don't want children and those feelings remain a constant.

 

I didn't want children at 25 and I still don't want them at age 40. I like other people's children just fine -- they are fun to talk to and I like hearing their stories and watching them develop. I just don't care to raise my own.

 

My suggestion is that you should carefully consider the concept of parenthood over the next year or so and discuss how important this is to the both of you.

 

Are you headed towards marriage? You should have made up your minds about who 's going to make the compromise BEFORE getting married. Therefore, if you are in love you need to take things slow.

 

I hope you can come to peace with a decision because in the long run, someone will have to give in.

 

I'd spend some time talking to people who are already parents and get their input about mixed feelings, fears, etc.

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