BenThereDunThat Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 So, I have NOT posted about my exH, for lots of reasons. And I find, since I started this thread (like, 1 hour ago...), that I STILL can't talk about it. All I will say is this: I feel weird because I'm wearing the pajamas he left for me at my sister's house over Christmas. She made me take them home tonight. So, I put them on. They ARE perfect for me. Cotton, flowery, flannel. Of course, tucked under the pj's was a black velvet box. Inside was a necklace with an emerald charm. But so what? He saw the debt I'm taking on in the divorce paper, right? You can't just ignore that obnoxious amount! I'm supposed to just forget about the time you bought drugs and stayed out all night, and we missed the baseball game we bought tickets for 6 MONTHS in advance???? (Let's not also forget the buying my engagement ring at a pawn shop, the buying the stupid boat that we couldn't afford, etc., etc.....) P.S., not to sound like an ungrateful b*tch, but I HATE emeralds, always have. I know I told him that, but who is going to complain when the man you're dating brings emerald rings over to your house, even IF they ARE all bought at a pawn shop...
GreenEyedLady Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 But so what? He saw the debt I'm taking on in the divorce paper, right? You can't just ignore that obnoxious amount! (Let's not also forget the buying my engagement ring at a pawn shop, the buying the stupid boat that we couldn't afford, etc., etc.....)/quote] OMG BTDT--That sounds like my XH: he bought our wedding bands at a pawn shop, too...I should not have married him at that point...(but we were buying a brand new house and I got a decent engagement ring, so I just looked the other way)... And I know what you mean about the D going in his favor...I gave up so much I was entitled to because I just wanted OUT and FAST!!! Life sure is funny...not funny ha ha, but funny weird...
Author BenThereDunThat Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 But so what? He saw the debt I'm taking on in the divorce paper, right? You can't just ignore that obnoxious amount! (Let's not also forget the buying my engagement ring at a pawn shop, the buying the stupid boat that we couldn't afford, etc., etc.....)/quote] OMG BTDT--That sounds like my XH: he bought our wedding bands at a pawn shop, too...I should not have married him at that point...(but we were buying a brand new house and I got a decent engagement ring, so I just looked the other way)... And I know what you mean about the D going in his favor...I gave up so much I was entitled to because I just wanted OUT and FAST!!! Life sure is funny...not funny ha ha, but funny weird... What's even weirder, GEL? I think yours and my exH have more in common than just pawn shops. If you know what I mean....
Can'tGiveUp Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Hmmm...it's curious ladies... I differ in the pawn shop and the "other" activities...but I took on all the debt and receive no support, all in order to get out quick with little dispute and minimal affect to the kids... Perhaps that explain the situations we were/are in? Something in our personalities...
frannie Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 P.S., not to sound like an ungrateful b*tch, but I HATE emeralds, always have. I know I told him that, but who is going to complain when the man you're dating brings emerald rings over to your house, even IF they ARE all bought at a pawn shop... Hmm so he knows you hate emeralds and that's the stone he chose..? Why is that, then..? Did he expect you to open the present in front of others..? Something feels odd about all that.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 No, he's just that thick-headed. Emerald is my birthstone so he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that I don't like them. I realize reading my post what an ungrateful b**ch I must sound like. I haven't even spoken to him since the day the divorce was final - September 20th! So him buying such an expensive gift was inappropriate. Especially inappropriate given the money situation. I'll post my story under Separation/Divorce later today. Letting these little spurts out here and there just makes it confusing, I'm sure.
ratingsguy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Did you give it back to him or do you still have it?
Author BenThereDunThat Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 I still have it. I'd be happy for him to take them all back though. I need to sit down and write a letter saying thank you, but if you insist on beating this dead horse with gifts, cash would go a long way to help offset the debt. I went broke during our brief marriage. The money he spent in no way equaled the money he brought in. I was way better off financially before he even came into my life. And the money he spent went to things like a boat, NFL football package on satelite, DRUGS, booze. He had never owned his own home. Always lived with other people who did. Me included. NEVER on things like home improvement. If I said 'we need a new microwave.' He'd say oh, we don't need that. He'd roll his eyes at spending money on anything actually worthwhile. Every response was a quick 'we don't need that.' As if I was trying to be extravagant! So now that he's forced to live on his own and actually pay bills every month (instead of just handing the person some cash here and there), he's really feeling it. And now there's no floating when his union job has no work (supposedly) for DAYS on end....
ratingsguy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Please don't consider this spam, but if you need help financially you should Google a guy named Dave Ramsey. He's more than likely on a radio station near you, and is a tremendous resource for people going through money issues. He has two New York Times best selling books which have been very helpful to myself and other people I know. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck.
Author BenThereDunThat Posted February 6, 2007 Author Posted February 6, 2007 Please don't consider this spam, but if you need help financially you should Google a guy named Dave Ramsey. He's more than likely on a radio station near you, and is a tremendous resource for people going through money issues. He has two New York Times best selling books which have been very helpful to myself and other people I know. Just thought I'd throw that out there. Good luck. Thanks for the info. I think I'll be ok. I've been cutting back on everything. I still have more stuff to cut back on if I absolutely HAVE to. My car gets paid off in June and that will be a huge help. When I went to see my divorce lawyer for the very first time and he saw my credit card statement his exact words were "I don't normally tell my clients this right off the bat, but you need to get out. Now. He will ruin you financially if you don't. I've seen it too many times." I bought a house by myself 8 years ago. I've always been financially stable and independent. Having all this debt hanging over me keeps me up at night, but I'll work it out. So THIS is why I get so offended when he drops off expensive gifts for me at my sister's house....
puddleofmud Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 HOCK IT! (and buy shoes) or MELT IT! (for far better jewelry) Have the stone removed and have "it" melted it down and made in to a another piece of jewelry YOU like!
GreenEyedLady Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 What's even weirder, GEL? I think yours and my exH have more in common than just pawn shops. If you know what I mean.... Yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean...
frannie Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 No, he's just that thick-headed. Emerald is my birthstone so he just couldn't wrap his head around the fact that I don't like them. I realize reading my post what an ungrateful b**ch I must sound like. No, you don't sound like an ungrateful b**ch. He sounds like he deliberately spent money on something he knew you didn't like, just so you'd come off like an ungrateful b**ch. Same way he refused to spend money on household essentials and waste it on playthings and diversions for himself. Just like my EX. But then I may just be bitter and twisted over that kind of 'accidentally on purpose' behaviour. Drives me mad.
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