BurriedAlive Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 My MM & I work together - very closely. He has been trying to end the R for the past 4 months. When we do end it, it has starts up pretty quickly again. At the beginning of December, we went away together for work, got drinking and I ended up crying all night. I told him exactly how I felt. He told me how much he cares about me but that he is staying married. He barely ever says anything about the way he feels. He is a partner in the company I work for. I am a pretty valuable employee. The CEO has asked me recently if I would want to buy into the company. He also said that I will be the next CEO. There is a big opportunity here for me so it is hard to think that leaving is an option. I have threatened MM with leaving a number of times. He practically begs me not to every single time I bring it up. The CEO confided in my a few weeks ago how unhappy with MM that he is. I can only imagine that if he knew about the A it would probably send him over the edge. For some reason, I tend to think I would get the sympathy from CEO if he knew. Maybe I am naive, I don't know. I have never done anything in all the time I have worked for the company that has made the CEO unhappy with me - he has told me so. I am an absolute mess inside. My heart is broken. I feel MM has had his fill and is done with me. He claims that he will help me get through this. He has said over and over again that he is there for me. For the past week he has ignored me though. He was away for business and everyday would promise to call me and didn't. I sent him a few angry emails and he ignores them. THe last one I got said that it was a little difficult to call me this week given that there were so many people around. He said that we would talk all this week. I wrote back and said: "of course we'll talk this week, you have no choice but to deal with me. A little difficult does not mean impossible. You do not have a clue what being there for someone means." Of course, he has not replied. This guy is notorious for dealing with his problems by ignoring them. So, I am pretty much out of options. I basically hate this guy. He is obviously a lying, selfish A-hole. But the hurt is unlike anything I have ever felt. If I didn't care, I would be okay. I guess I can choose a good career but continue being a mess. I have also thought of going to the CEO and telling him everything. I have thought of telling W. I think if MM was there for me like he promisses, I could probably get through this but I can't count on him. He is only there when he wants to be which isn't very friggin often. I have to go to work tomorrow and face him. I have to work with him - business as usual. What should I do? I can't go on like this, I need to screw my head back on tight again.
ratingsguy Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 He is a partner in the company I work for. I am a pretty valuable employee. The CEO has asked me recently if I would want to buy into the company. He also said that I will be the next CEO. There is a big opportunity here for me so it is hard to think that leaving is an option. Wow, that's a tough spot to be in. I don't know how you handle that... considering that your MM could be fired tomorrow. You'd feel terrible if you quit and then MM got fired. Maybe take a week vacation and go NC for that week. It'll at least give you some time to think things out without the distraction of constantly seeing him. Perhaps explore other opportunities with competing firms... maybe there's something better out there that pays more and will make a permanant NC possible... you never know!
puddleofmud Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I guess that since you're having to "see" so often that NC must be more about a fixed mind-set. Even if one is unable to "see" the object of their desire, ideally NC is still about the mind-set of the R becoming a non-issue. As in: NC must begin firstly in your head--not easy, to be sure. Keep posting and let us know how we can help. Stay strong!
NeverLate Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I applaud your efforts to get this person out of your system. It is difficult enough to do it without having to work with them. You have to remind yourself that you are a professional and that work and personal affairs MUST be kept separate. You have to decide that when you are on the job the job takes precedence. You have to suck it up, and do your job. If you have to interact with xOM for work then do it and do it professionally. Show him that you Can separate the two. Show him that you can be efficient and get the job done even in the face of all the crap that has happened. Your actions and your attitude will show him you have moved on. And when you have convinced him of that, maybe in time you will convince yourself. Now Get Er Done! NL
NeverLate Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 BTW if he gets fired its his own fault for not performing not yours. Be a pro. Let him get fired. If he does its because he deserves to.
bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Work place love is tricky...but, what you have worked for in your company YOU EARNED - extraneous of him. I would probably try to distance myself from him as much as possible. if you are having NC in a R anymore then keep all the rest strictly business. i wouldnt give him anything to look like you are harassing him in the workplace...people can get vindictive if they see their livelihood threatened,. regardless if you have nothing to do with him losing his job or not...clouded by emotion/anger he may not see it that way!
Just 'nother MM Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Not to sound harsh, but your MM has been trying to end the R for 4 months and he told you he is staying married. It will be painful, but you must "leave" him. He has also drawn the ire of your company's CEO. Seems like the advice you're getting here is very good...maintain NC, no matter how hard it is, distance yourself professionally, and don't do anything that will jeopardize your promising career. You will have to be strong to get through this. But eventually the emotional attachment to your MM will wane. And if things go well, you will be too busy as the new CEO to be concerned with him, anyway. Good luck!
torranceshipman Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 It's true that NC is a mindset - I'm in virtually exactly the same situation where I have to work with the guy closely and I thought I would literally have to move my place of work to end this thing, that ending it would make me heartbroken, etc etc. But..not the case...and although moving on is hard, once you've made the decision to move on, it's actually not as hard as you think. Things have been awkward at work for a while, but it seems to be slowly improving, and I'm out dating other people and keeping busy to take my mind off it all - small steps - but it's going quite well! In my opinion, it would be a BAD idea to tell the CEO - don't jeopardise work in any way! I think the MM is being fractious because its a difficult situation but once all the raw emotion of it all dies down, I think you might start getting along better again...I'm sure he cares about you and doesn't want to be cold and nasty - but maybe he thinks little contact/no talking over things anymore might actually help you both to move on - which could be a good thing. Good luck, I know its really hard.
Author BurriedAlive Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Thanks!!! Well, today was the first day back after all the ignoring of emails, etc.. He come to see me about work stuff and we got through that without any problems. He didn't bring up the A, though and left my office. A few minutes later I went to see him. I stood in front of him without saying anything. He said: "you want to talk???" We talked a for a short while and he went on that it's hard from him and he was sorry to have ignored me but what I was saying to him was making him angry and he didn't want to call me and us fight. We made plans to go away next week together and sort it all out. I wonder how that will work? I told him I was interested in doing nothing else but talking. All in all, though, I feel better tonight than I have in about 2 weeks. You guys are right, NC is a mindset. I just have to find the strength.
ratingsguy Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 But how is it NC if you're going away with him next weekend?
Meaplus3 Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 But how is it NC if you're going away with him next weekend? I agree with ratingsguy. Can you get out of going away with him? This is not the road to NC. AP:)
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