ThatWoman Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hi all, I need some opinions. I've met this man through online dating, he initiated our contact. We've been emailing back and forth for about two weeks and I finally asked if he wanted to meet. He's very excited about meeting and says he's very happy that I've taken the lead in our relationship...(we've been talking for two weeks, we have a relationship?) I have looked back through our communication and realized that I am really the only one asking questions and he tends to agree with me more often than not. Over and over he has said how excited he is and how much my answers make him smile, but I am starting to feel like I'm the one sweeping him off of his feet and I'd like it to be a two way street. The job I have requires me to make several decisions a day and I'd like someone who would take the lead once in a while. Right now he's waiting for me to name the place, date, and time. I'm going to set up our first date...how do you let someone know that you'd like him to take the lead...do I just tell him bluntly? Thanks in advance for any advice you can give!
alphamale Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I'm going to set up our first date...how do you let someone know that you'd like him to take the lead...do I just tell him bluntly? this guy probably isn't for you if he's not taking the bull by the horns up front. you should look for another guy.
Kamille Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Well you suggested the meeting so it is fair that you get to design the first date. There is an alternate explanation to his behavior: maybe he's a listener. I have a tendency to ask a lot of question on the first few encounters as a way to get to know the person and also as a way to show interest. Yet I also don't hesitate to take the lead every once in awhile. Maybe you could go on the date, see how it goes, and then leave the next date entirely up to him (meaning he has to suggest it and plan it). If he doesn't, then I agree with Alpha, he's not the man for you.
alphamale Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Maybe you could go on the date, see how it goes, and then leave the next date entirely up to him (meaning he has to suggest it and plan it). If he doesn't, then I agree with Alpha, he's not the man for you. agreed....they can meet for coffee for an hour or so. But she should keep her expectations low.
princesspeaches Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I'm going to set up our first date...how do you let someone know that you'd like him to take the lead...do I just tell him bluntly? Thanks in advance for any advice you can give! I recently met someone from an online dating thing and he tried to let all the decisions fall on me. He said that he thought it would make me more comfortable if I had a better sense of control of the evening. Which is sweet and I do appreciate that. However, I told him up front that I like to make decisions, but I need to know that he can take the lead and be decisive and be someone who I can count on. We've gone on five dates since then, he's planned them all to "T". Be honest and tell him that you want someone who can take the lead. If you can't be honest with him at this point than you are probably wasting his and your time by meeting. But I would meet, you never know what you are going to find. He could be everything you never knew you wanted.
Author ThatWoman Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 However, I told him up front that I like to make decisions, but I need to know that he can take the lead and be decisive and be someone who I can count on. princesspeaches, I hope you don't mind if I use that line! I don't have any problems being honest with him and I do plan on meeting him. Thanks for the advice everyone!
brokenhart2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I'm in a similar situation...anyway, I say you should go on the date, and if the conversation allows for it, mention his "taking the lead" comment..and just slyly ask him if he prefers it that way, or if he would be willing to do the same. If he seems puzzled as to what your asking, just tell him you don't mind being an initiator but you like it when guys you date are initiative also. Go from there..
princesspeaches Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 princesspeaches, I hope you don't mind if I use that line! I don't have any problems being honest with him and I do plan on meeting him. Thanks for the advice everyone! I don't mind at all, feel free to use it. I'm glad you're going to meet him. You really just never know what you might find. The guy I met - very reluctantly - turned out to be absolutely everything I need, and almost everything I've always wanted. Sometimes you just get lucky, you gotta take chances. Good luck.
Grrlish Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Relationship? After chatting online after two weeks? Would you call dating a guy for two weeks a 'relationship'? (Heck, I was just thinking today that if my bf and I can't work things out, and we're been dating for 6 months, I think I would refer to him as 'this guy I was dating for a while...', not a relationship. Not totally sure on that yet though...sorry...tangent.) Hmm, is that like a guy who says “I love you” after dating for two weeks? I guess, not exactly, but it sounds similar to me. Sounds like he’s trying to impart a certain amount of familiarity rather quickly. Men do this sometimes to rush things to the bedroom. They use certain trigger words to make us feel comfortable quickly. Ask yourself: If you went on a few in-person dates with someone and you were asking all of the questions, would you feel desired? Would you feel like that person were really interested in you, who you are and what you’re about? If someone acted this way with me on a first date, there would be no second date. I don’t think it’s necessary to tell someone that they need to or you would prefer that they take the lead. I think that would be kind of weird, actually. Each person should do what comes naturally and if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. If the situation doesn’t feel comfortable for you, then it’s not for you. I think that when two people get into a real relationship, there’s opportunity to express that sometimes, we need the other person to pick up the slack when we’re wiped out. Also, sorry, but I think that lots of guys on chat and online dating sites initiate contact and because the woman feels flattered, the guys sit back and let the woman take it away. I’ve done very little online dating and this is one of the big reasons why.
Recommended Posts