singleagain Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hi. I'm new but have been lurking for months. I am 37 - he 33. We were together for a 1.5 years...engaged...very happy. (atleast I was) anyways...I am trying to be more focused on healing than reliving what happened...b/c im not so sure what happened. I know I will be okay and I WILL survive and every day gets better.....but then there are those days when I just can't shake it. Can't quit thinking of him. I want him, I love him. Why Why Why.... When I wake up and he is the first thing I think of. The last thing I think of when I lay down at night and every darn thought in between. Next day.....Gosh, what a jerk he was to me now that i see things clearly. I can't believe I put up with it as long as I did. It's for the best. I can't stand him. Next day.........I hear a song, I cry. Then I get mad. Then I cry. Soooooooo what I am saying here is that I just want to be happy again. I remember past hurts and know that I will someday be OK with this but in the mean time I am on this emotional roller coaster and just hope and pray every day that I will just be me again. That happy girl who was always smiling.....who loved life.....who had her **** together...who was succesful and not needy or clingy. UGH -- It's Sunday. I always feel alone on Sunday Thanks for the rant. I will feel better tomorrow. P.s. -- 6 weeks NC for the 3rd time with him.
Am4Real Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 That happy girl who was always smiling.....who loved life.....who had her **** together...who was succesful and not needy or clingy. UGH -- It's Sunday. I always feel alone on Sunday Thanks for the rant. I will feel better tomorrow. P.s. -- 6 weeks NC for the 3rd time with him. Hey SA, Yes, I know the feeling, the last thoughts before you close your eyes and the first thing when you open them. [highlight]I'll tell you though, the best advice that worked for me and has lessened all of the thinking and mourning was four things:[/highlight] 1) Read all the advice you can about getting over a relationship and come up with a written plan that is designed by you and for you. 2) Start a daily journal and write your every waking thought and emotion in it as many times a day as you want. This will be your record of how you are progressing. 3) Exercise. Exercise every day, every single day. At the gym, at home, outside, who cares, just get going and burn up energy. You will be amazed on how good you will look and feel. 4) Socialize, volunteer, participate, date, whatever....just get out there and mingle. None of these things alone or together got me over "her", heck I would be lying if I told you that, especially if you know about or read my original post, but I am progressing....hope it helps for you too. Am4Real
Rooster_DAR Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hi. I'm new but have been lurking for months. I am 37 - he 33. We were together for a 1.5 years...engaged...very happy. (atleast I was) anyways...I am trying to be more focused on healing than reliving what happened...b/c im not so sure what happened. I know I will be okay and I WILL survive and every day gets better.....but then there are those days when I just can't shake it. Can't quit thinking of him. I want him, I love him. Why Why Why.... When I wake up and he is the first thing I think of. The last thing I think of when I lay down at night and every darn thought in between. Next day.....Gosh, what a jerk he was to me now that i see things clearly. I can't believe I put up with it as long as I did. It's for the best. I can't stand him. Next day.........I hear a song, I cry. Then I get mad. Then I cry. Soooooooo what I am saying here is that I just want to be happy again. I remember past hurts and know that I will someday be OK with this but in the mean time I am on this emotional roller coaster and just hope and pray every day that I will just be me again. That happy girl who was always smiling.....who loved life.....who had her **** together...who was succesful and not needy or clingy. UGH -- It's Sunday. I always feel alone on Sunday Thanks for the rant. I will feel better tomorrow. P.s. -- 6 weeks NC for the 3rd time with him. Been there done that, here something that may help. You need to move through the motions at your own pace, but be careful not to let self pity eat you up. My advice is that you force yourself to compliment yourself on a routine basis. Stay away from things that remind you of your EX, and when you do have sad melancholy's counter them with reasons why you broke up. I had a hard time letting go of the memories, then I tried some suggestions other members gave me and they speeded up my recovery. For every sad moment you have, remind yourself how badly you were treated and say to yourself you deserve much better. My therapy has worked very fast; I basically forced myself to go out to singles bars, restaurants, and social environments by myself until I could actually be comfortable and have fun by myself. It was very hard for the first month, but it got easier and things cascaded from there. A therapist is vital in your situation; you need someone to lean on that will listen objectively. If you lean on other people too much, you will drive them nuts and they won't want to be around you. Buy books, and force yourself to read them. I bought the book "Women’s Infidelity", "His needs her needs", and "Kissing and Sex". The "Women’s Infidelity" book really helped me in my case as it was directly related to what I went through. I didn't understand how someone you thought loved you so much could betray you, so I blamed myself. After reading this book, I had a greater understanding of my situation, and was able to accept that it was not my fault and understood why things fell apart. Finally, Love Shack was an integral part of my recovery; there are many wise members that talked sense into me and made me understand I needed to pick myself up and move on. Much advice was harsh, and much of it was well guided tips coming from other people’s experience. I would be lying if I said I was completely over my situation, but I have expedited the motions by understanding, therapy, and getting to know myself by being alone for a good amount of time. It's all about loving yourself and being very confident in whom you are. Find your strengths and capitalize on them, but don't push back your feelings when you have them. It's okay to cry and be sad, but when you start blaming and pitying yourself, that's when you need to swallow your tears and never let anyone take your dignity away from you. In the end, your EX will notice the change, and if you do your homework right you will have the integrity and confidence to say "Too late, you blew it" and walk away feeling good about yourself. Good Luck!
Author singleagain Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 French Kiss? OK. I am running to the movie gallery right now. Thanks! (for listening)
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