nicki Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Can you guys help me get some perspective here? I have broken up with ANOTHER boyfriend (makes 2) because of the issue of female friends and ex girlfriends. I'm thinking it must be me. Is there a man out there who doesn't feel the need to make new female friends, call them up late at night to say hi and NOT tell his girlfriend about this kind of contact? He swore he didn't see any of these women, just calling them up to say hi and talk to them...He even promised not to call women he met at work (friends), but he did it again, so I broke up with him. He said he felt controlled and restricted by me not wanting him to do it....(I would think he would want me to feel safe and secure with him and it would be no big deal) And, is there a man out there who doesn't feel the need to stay in contact with an ex girlfriend? I simply want a man who loves only me, confides in only me. I don't mind if he has a friend who is a woman, as long as I'm in on the friendship too, and aware of their contact and content of contact. Is this too much to ask? None of my married friends' husbands have exclusive female friends. Any female friend is a MUTUAL friend, and an open book as far as contact goes. I'm very confused and sad. Am I the one who needs to change my expectations on this issue? I don't call up guys to say hi when I'm in a relationship. What's the point? They would think I'm hitting on them and will respond in kind. And I don't have any interest in staying in touch with ex boyfriends either.... Is my thinking too old fashioned?
loveratud Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I think you're skirting a thin line between reasonability and jealousy. If I were you, I wouldn't be comfortable with him making new female friends. That just feels like he's shopping around for something better. But at the same time, female friends he already has, or his ex (he's picked you over them, remember) are entitled to remain his friends, and you are not guaranteed a window to monitor all communication between them. That's just jealousy and pettiness.
guin_girl Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 "New female friends" would make me wonder, but I would also want to know how they were acquired. If from work or school, then ok, I can see that. I have made many male friends in this fashion that were part of a relationship and I was just the "new friend". And yes they did call me or email me at off hours, we were just friends and commiserating about something. I knew about them and they knew about me. The ones that were insecure made a point of trying to become my friend as well... As for residual female friends, they are part of the package that he was prior to you. Any man that I date that does not "approve" of my male friends (and I do have a lot, female friends, not so much) can hit the road. They will not restrict me from them. I am also friends with some of my exes, they are exes for a reason, not "date-able", but were an important part of my past. Now I do make sure that the guy I'm dating does meet my male friends and because they are just friends, my guys do want to meet him too to make sure I'm not going to get hurt again. I actually find it important to get another male's opinion, because sometimes they can see through the guy and give me a heads up if the guy is just trouble. It's amazing their insight, they do pick up on the slightest nuances.
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