fatty Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hey, It has been 2 years since my breakup. I thought I would be ok to move on. Have been rejected 5 times this month for dates and god do I feel lonely. I am tired of this, oh so tired of this. 2 years. I want to caress a body fo warmth. Just to feel her hands touching my skin as we lie together. Not lying sexually but rather as 2 souls bonding. I want to peer into her eyes and say I love you. I want to be loved. I want to move on. I want to be held. I want to hold. Oh dear kiss I miss you so much man. When will you come back or go away?
lonelybird Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hi, fatty I am sorry you feel low now. you remind me my lonely time before. sometimes even when you are with bunch of people, the loneliness was still there. then one day I could not help, cried, cried, like I was falling in a big black hole. then I remember I even blamed God, but suddenly God revealed to me that Jesus is all giving, something in my heart told me that when you put focus off yourself, concentrate on helping others, the loneliness will go. then I tried this everytime when I feel lonely, and replay the scene that Jesus died for me:eek: , not only for me, but for YOU. because he loves us. then after a while, I found not only I am happy, but the thing I was concentrated on not important anymore, like everything fall into right places. seems off your topic now, but this is how exactly helped me that time, just for reference. okay, you are not alone here _____________ God loves you. Everyone is precious in HIS eyes. www.tbn.org
LN99 Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I hear ya! You are NOT alone! Its been a yr and a half since my last relationship and since then, I have had nothing but bad dates. It sucks being single....especially when most of the people around you are with someone. But, I guess there is always hope. What helps me is occupying my time with other things. Then hoping that something comes along when I least expect it to.
Author fatty Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Hey, I think I need to focus on something else.
guin_girl Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Do you have a pet? I'm not as lonely as I was now that I have a creature that gives me unconditional love... volunteer work will also help, it's amazing how good you can feel about yourself when you are helping others. Plus it's a great way to meet new people and make new friends.
Rooster_DAR Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hey, It has been 2 years since my breakup. I thought I would be ok to move on. Have been rejected 5 times this month for dates and god do I feel lonely. I am tired of this, oh so tired of this. 2 years. I want to caress a body fo warmth. Just to feel her hands touching my skin as we lie together. Not lying sexually but rather as 2 souls bonding. I want to peer into her eyes and say I love you. I want to be loved. I want to move on. I want to be held. I want to hold. Oh dear kiss I miss you so much man. When will you come back or go away? Hang in there, bring yourself to have a more positive attitude. You have to make yourself marketable, and to accomplish this means being happy with yourself and not needing anybody. Buy some new clothes, exercise/workout, and take care of your exterior. The dating game is rough and competitive, so you have to make yourself competitive. The first and most important aspect of dating is at the very least acting like your happy. Smiling/laughing often makes you look attractive, it breeds confidence in you and it's contagious to the opposite sex. Several months ago I felt the same way you did, it was terribly depressing. I took the advice of something somone told me, which was look in the mirror and present yourself with verbal positives. Also, smile everywhere you go even if you don't feel like it, there is a positive effect to it. I can't stop getting dates now, everywhere I go I get hit on and it is all because of the person I reflect on the outside. Remember, it's all about confidence, confidence, confidence
RocketMan2 Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hang in there, bring yourself to have a more positive attitude. Hey Rooster I'm kinda in the same position. Im not feeling all that great about myself, cant get her out of my head etc.... Have you got any more tips on how to snap of of self pity/victim mode? I know I need to do it, its just motivating myself! Some practical advice from a pro like yourself would probably go a long way! Cheers Rocket
Author fatty Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Positive mindset is good. It is not about getting a date, its about getting comfortable with myself. If I can't feel good alone or feel usefull alone then I cannot add another person. I will be just moving away from the problem. I have to be more productive.
Am4Real Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Positive mindset is good. It is not about getting a date, its about getting comfortable with myself. If I can't feel good alone or feel usefull alone then I cannot add another person. I will be just moving away from the problem. I have to be more productive. You've got it... Best wishes as you move forward.
Green Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 fatty you dont sound as depressed as other people do who post about this same subject I think your on the road to a full recovery just stay optomistic keep asking out girls and relise it doesnt matter if you get rejected a 100 or more times because none of these people really know you. As for me i feel you I broke up with my girl a while back and havnt been in a real relationship for over a month and it gets lonly, heck when your in the wrong relationship you can feel even more alone then when u were single because Ive felt that to so just take your time have fun with the things you can like going to movies and playing games you like and just keep looking at them fish in that great big sea
Rooster_DAR Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hey Rooster I'm kinda in the same position. Im not feeling all that great about myself, cant get her out of my head etc.... Have you got any more tips on how to snap of of self pity/victim mode? I know I need to do it, its just motivating myself! Some practical advice from a pro like yourself would probably go a long way! Cheers Rocket How long has it been since your breakup? You need to move through the motions at your own pace, but be careful not to let self pity eat you up. My advice is that you force yourself to compliment yourself on a routine basis. Stay away from things that remind you of your EX, and when you do have sad melancholy's counter them with reasons why you broke up. I had a hard time letting go of the memories, then I tried some suggestions other members gave me and they speeded up my recovery. For every sad moment you have, remind yourself how badly you were treated and say to yourself you deserve much better. My therapy has worked very fast; I basically forced myself to go out to singles bars, restaurants, and social environments by myself until I could actually be comfortable and have fun by myself. It was very hard for the first month, but it got easier and things cascaded from there. A therapist is vital in your situation; you need someone to lean on that will listen objectively. If you lean on other people too much, you will drive them nuts and they won't want to be around you. Buy books, and force yourself to read them. I bought the book "Women’s Infidelity", "His needs her needs", and "Kissing and Sex". The "Women’s Infidelity" book really helped me in my case as it was directly related to what I went through. I didn't understand how someone you thought loved you so much could betray you, so I blamed myself. After reading this book, I had a greater understanding of my situation, and was able to accept that it was not my fault and understood why things fell apart. Finally, Love Shack was an integral part of my recovery; there are many wise members that talked sense into me and made me understand I needed to pick myself up and move on. Much advice was harsh, and much of it was well guided tips coming from other people’s experience. I would be lying if I said I was completely over my situation, but I have expedited the motions by understanding, therapy, and getting to know myself by being alone for a good amount of time. It's all about loving yourself and being very confident in whom you are. Find your strengths and capitalize on them, but don't push back your feelings when you have them. It's okay to cry and be sad, but when you start blaming and pitying yourself, that's when you need to swallow your tears and never let anyone take your dignity away from you. In the end, your EX will notice the change, and if you do your homework right you will have the integrity and confidence to say "Too late, you blew it" and walk away feeling good about yourself. Good Luck!
Rooster_DAR Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Positive mindset is good. It is not about getting a date, its about getting comfortable with myself. If I can't feel good alone or feel usefull alone then I cannot add another person. I will be just moving away from the problem. I have to be more productive. Ditto! See my last post it directly addresses this situation.
Author fatty Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 I think I am getting to this loneliness issue. Why do I feel lonely? It stems from my self-worth. I feel I am worthless and no body wants to be with me. I focus on external issues rather focus inward on my self. Feeling lonely is the actual opposit of what the feeling is. The feeling of being alone is to crave someone else. It is to crave the deep sense of connection or companionship with someone else. Your thoughts, your emotions are all based on an external person. You are counting on an external person to give you that great sense of pleasure. If you can't get a great sense of pleasure from your self then how can you ever accept to receive it. So I think, I wil focus on me and not date untill something comes up. If I build myself, they will come. - hehee. Feel alot better than last night but these realizations are great. I know the focus of my energy is on someone external validating me. I need to validate myself and accept me for me. That is when the loneliness goes away. Over and out fellas. I hope this helps.
Author fatty Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Hey rooster, I cannot graspt the concept of self-acceptance and self-pity. I know people always talk about them but I just DO NOT KNOW what it is. Or understand what they are. Can you sprinkle some knowledge on me?
Rooster_DAR Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Self pity is turning your negative feelings and experiences inward on yourself. "I'm such a loser" "Nobody Likes me" "I deserve to be miserable" Self acceptance in my words would be: Being comfortable with the person you are and accepting your flaws as being part of you. Liking yourself for all that you are, and if someone doesn't like it that's their problem. Truth is, everyone on this planet has flaws, but the difference between confident and withdrawn people is that confident people have accepted themselves for who they are, flaws and all. Withdrawn and unconfident individuals sit in a pergatory of "if and what if's " never really sure of themselves. I think everyone goes through the withdrawn/unconfident stage at some point, but emotionally balanced people get over it quickly. Regards,
Am4Real Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Truth is, everyone on this planet has flaws, but the difference between confident and withdrawn people is that confident people have accepted themselves for who they are, flaws and all. Withdrawn and unconfident individuals sit in a pergatory of "if and what if's " never really sure of themselves. I think everyone goes through the withdrawn/unconfident stage at some point, but emotionally balanced people get over it quickly. Exactly!!!
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