FlyingHigh Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I am so sorry about your H. I cant imagine being a BW, or course, I never imagined being an OW either. I dont want my MM BW to hurt anymore than I am sure she would if she knew of his OW. Truly, I want to know what is the best way to speak to her if she were to contact me. I dont want her to hurt anymore than I know she would be to begin with. Then walk away. Now that you know he is married and you yourself can't imagine being the OW, you've got ONE choice to do the right thing. WALK AWAY....
mopar crazy Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 WHY DOES BW CONTACT OW at all? I mean doesnt she need to address her H instead? So for BW reading this, I am trying to understand what positive comes from contacting the OW? What are you looking for when you contact the OW? If my MM BW were to ever call me I would never want to get in a fight with her...I dont like fighting...and I am not big on sarcasm...so, if I find myself in that situation I would like to know the best way to handle it in a healthy and polite manner. When I was the OW (to a man in a CR, would never be an OW to a MM) his GF never contacted me either. But when I was involved w/ a guy that he said he broke up w/ his GF (they hadn't) she made my Junior year in HS a living hell. But that is teenage *****. Anyhow, As a BW I did contact the OW . Why? B/c I wanted to hear what she had to say. My good friends told me something was going on between them. H had just told me he wanted a D and a few days later my friends are telling me something is going on between them. My friends didn't even know yet that my H said he wanted a D, I was going to give it some time b4 I told anyone. I knew the OW, in fact I thought we could of been friends. She would talk to me every time I went to see H at work. She even gave me a hug one time. Anyhow, so it was almost like we were friends, I just didn't want to be b/c she always flirted w/ me H and even hit on him one night. Anyhow, both H and OW lied. And stupid me believed them. xOW was very convincing and was a very good liar. What I was looking for was validation of their A. If she would of told me the truth I would of just told her she could have his cheating ass and I was done w/ the M. I just needed to hear her say they were having an A. I live in a no-fault state so it would of never played an effect on our D. I just don't understand why she had to lie about it? Even to this day. My H filed for a D from me so why did she just tell me the truth? Your not like my H's xOW at all. She loves a fight, loves to be sarcastic, and as long as she doesn't get hurt she will do whatever she wants to make herself happy.
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 When I was the OW (to a man in a CR, would never be an OW to a MM) his GF never contacted me either. But when I was involved w/ a guy that he said he broke up w/ his GF (they hadn't) she made my Junior year in HS a living hell. But that is teenage *****. Anyhow, As a BW I did contact the OW . Why? B/c I wanted to hear what she had to say. My good friends told me something was going on between them. H had just told me he wanted a D and a few days later my friends are telling me something is going on between them. My friends didn't even know yet that my H said he wanted a D, I was going to give it some time b4 I told anyone. I knew the OW, in fact I thought we could of been friends. She would talk to me every time I went to see H at work. She even gave me a hug one time. Anyhow, so it was almost like we were friends, I just didn't want to be b/c she always flirted w/ me H and even hit on him one night. Anyhow, both H and OW lied. And stupid me believed them. xOW was very convincing and was a very good liar. What I was looking for was validation of their A. If she would of told me the truth I would of just told her she could have his cheating ass and I was done w/ the M. I just needed to hear her say they were having an A. I live in a no-fault state so it would of never played an effect on our D. I just don't understand why she had to lie about it? Even to this day. My H filed for a D from me so why did she just tell me the truth? Your not like my H's xOW at all. She loves a fight, loves to be sarcastic, and as long as she doesn't get hurt she will do whatever she wants to make herself happy. I think I am pretty much decided that if she were to ever contact me I would be ompletely honest with my MM BW, even if he were against it. I wont lie for someone...just as he knows I will never lie to our son about who his father is... It has helped greatly to know what BW have experienced and how it makes them feel, what is helpful. I think a time of Dday is one hurtful all the way around and being hateful, deceitful, and sarcastic is just wrong. I've read a lot of people say they would tell the BW to ask her H, but if she is calling the OW then she has to know something. If I was ever a BW I would prefer to keep the lines of communication as open and respectful as possible. If my MM had an OW then I would rather end the relationship so I could have a life that was my own again... I dont think people marry with the intent on having OW/OM - A, etc. People marry, I hope, because they love the person and see their life with them. However, I believe people change and grow apart from one another. I dont think it is anyone's fault or something intended to do. But I have always held strong of the opinion it is owed to the spouse to end the M before ever seeking a physical realtionship outside the M. It is the right and respectful avenue to go, I beleive.
YoMomma Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 If my MM had an OW then I would rather end the relationship so I could have a life that was my own again... I dont think people marry with the intent on having OW/OM - A, etc. People marry, I hope, because they love the person and see their life with them. However, I believe people change and grow apart from one another. I dont think it is anyone's fault or something intended to do. But I have always held strong of the opinion it is owed to the spouse to end the M before ever seeking a physical realtionship outside the M. It is the right and respectful avenue to go, I beleive. Newsflash - "Your MM does have an OW - it's is WIFE"
PollyPocket Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Rolling eyes smiley here. Please spare me.
whichwayisup Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 I think I am pretty much decided that if she were to ever contact me I would be ompletely honest with my MM BW, even if he were against it. I wont lie for someone...just as he knows I will never lie to our son about who his father is... Yes and as long as you take responsibility for your actions and your part in the affair too, don't just put it all on him. It takes two to tango ...
Author bellababygirl Posted February 5, 2007 Author Posted February 5, 2007 Yes and as long as you take responsibility for your actions and your part in the affair too, don't just put it all on him. It takes two to tango ... Absolutley! It is both of us who continue to see each other, so even though I beleived him single...I know he is MM now...and we still continue to see each other...yes, I am at fault too.
mopar crazy Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I think I am pretty much decided that if she were to ever contact me I would be ompletely honest with my MM BW, even if he were against it. I wont lie for someone...just as he knows I will never lie to our son about who his father is... I dont think people marry with the intent on having OW/OM - A, etc. People marry, I hope, because they love the person and see their life with them. However, I believe people change and grow apart from one another. I dont think it is anyone's fault or something intended to do. But I have always held strong of the opinion it is owed to the spouse to end the M before ever seeking a physical realtionship outside the M. It is the right and respectful avenue to go, I beleive. bella, but what if your MM broke it off w/ you b/c you did tell the BW the truth? Would that make a difference if you lied to her or not? Are you so honest that if she did confront you about the A that you would tell her the truth no matter what happens between you and MM? I don't know what WH and his xOW talked about when it came to them lying to me. They lied to everyone about their A. He never admitted his A to his BF even. He moved in w/ one of his BF and he had no clue he was having an A until I told him. He was shocked when I spoke to him on the phone about it. I know he wouldn't of lied to me about it. Three years after dday WH has told me he didn't want anyone to know about the A until after our D was final but it never made it that far. I know I certainly didn't M my H thinking he would have an A. For the first time I finally was able to trust a man who would stay true to me and he did for about 13 years. Our M was rocking b4 the A even started b/c he was an alcoholic. I threatened once to leave unless he quit drinking. He did but six months later filed for a D b/c of the xOW. Go figure! Just when our M was getting better (or so I thought) he leaves me for someone else.
herenow Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Don't underestimate the power of a wife. This could and should be you! WIFE WINS LAWSUIT AGAINST HUSBAND'S MISTRESS. November 15, 2002 - Earlier this month, Margaret McCarthy of Washington state won a hefty lawsuit against her late husband's mistress, requiring her to pay back the value of everything the man had given her during their adulterous relationship. When Jack McCarthy, a wealthy real estate broker, died last year, his girlfriend, Kathie O'Keefe, sued the estate, demanding a watch and ring and $200,000 he allegedly had promised her ("Mistress Ordered to Reimburse Dead Lover's Wife for 20 Years of Gifts," ABC News, Nov. 9, 2002). Margaret McCarthy counter-sued and won, based on a 90-year-old state law that does not allow one married spouse to gift community property to an individual without the consent of the other spouse.
pricillia Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Don't underestimate the power of a wife. This could and should be you! WIFE WINS LAWSUIT AGAINST HUSBAND'S MISTRESS. November 15, 2002 - Earlier this month, Margaret McCarthy of Washington state won a hefty lawsuit against her late husband's mistress, requiring her to pay back the value of everything the man had given her during their adulterous relationship. When Jack McCarthy, a wealthy real estate broker, died last year, his girlfriend, Kathie O'Keefe, sued the estate, demanding a watch and ring and $200,000 he allegedly had promised her ("Mistress Ordered to Reimburse Dead Lover's Wife for 20 Years of Gifts," ABC News, Nov. 9, 2002). Margaret McCarthy counter-sued and won, based on a 90-year-old state law that does not allow one married spouse to gift community property to an individual without the consent of the other spouse. Here Now, although I think that knowledge is power, it seems that you take some pleasure in torturing this woman... why?
herenow Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Here Now, although I think that knowledge is power, it seems that you take some pleasure in torturing this woman... why? If this person is for real, she is playing with fire. If she's telling the truth, she needs to know that the wife holds some of the cards. She seems to think that she is the one in control. If this family has as much money as she says they do, baby or not, she is not in a position to be so full of herself. The wife does have a say on what happens to that money. If the OW is depending on the MM to provide for her baby, the wife may not agree with that 500K a month payout. If lawyers become involved, the wife will be able to afford better ones that the OW. Since this so called billionaire is still married, he obviously stays with his wife for a reason. If the wife finds out about the OW, I can't imagine she will be happy about it, and in this situation, the OW could wind up a big loser.
herenow Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 I'm sorry, what I should have said is the unfortunate child (again, if her story is true) will be the loser in all of this. That is very sad and a total lack of responsibility on the part of a grown man and "woman".
pricillia Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Yes as I have said she is in pretty deep, there has been so much information on all of Bellas posts. But the money could either help or complicate the situation, and we can not say what the wife's relationship is with the husband she may care less that he is a cheater, she could know how he is and be staying in the marriage for the money herself, and he could be staying in the marriage for his kids and not to loose respect in his "wealthy community" Yes the wife does hold power and maybe that is why MM is staying in the relationship, we don't know we can only guess what the real situation may be. But for Bella's sake, she should protect not only her child but also her own heart, because if that get's broken then that is when the child will suffer.
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