freakygal78 Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 I have met the most amazing person who I click with physically, mentally, emotionally, the whole she-bang - it's a wonderful feeling rather than have one or two of those things with someone but not quite all...so anyways we got into some serious kissing on our first date - I tried to draw out the time till we got 'physical' at all but the chemistry was just too much. He is a really gentle guy but because we are compatible on so many levels - I found it really hard to just put the brakes on and ask him to drop me home at a certain point in the night. Anyways, I guess I am wondering how long is long enough before I become intimate with him if I see it developing into a LTR....it's extremely hard to not be absolutely sucked in by the 'lust vortex' but I would like to wait as long as I can - I really don't want to mess this up! I hope I am not sounding like a wowser - I am not and I have had a rather wild past before but I think to build something special with this guy, it's best to wait as long as I can - although giving my hormones free reign would mean I give in when I see him today.....it's so difficult for me! BTW, I'm 29, he's 34.
Road Rage Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 From what I can percieve, waiting has become a thing of the past. Second date, third date, a month? My short answer is 6 months:D However, Roadius Ragemorpheus, has a better idea. The wait is not determined by time but by knowledge. Sort of like that Eharmony concept of compatibility on 29 dimensions. And I think that is based on something like a 500 question inquiry. In my opinion, it takes a time and communication for two people to really get to know each other. Seldom does current norms for sex revolve around depth of understanding but rather the degree of lust. It is a mistake to become sexual very quickly in a relationship. Of course, you would have to be an old geezer to understand that. People are mostly operating today without the benefit of wisdom and actually scoff at it.
Star Gazer Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Wait as long as humanly possible. Get to know each other. You might actually fall out of that "lust vortex" once you get to know him, and you don't want to realize he's clearly not the one for you after you've slept with him and he refuses to return your calls.
johan Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 ...and you don't want to realize he's clearly not the one for you after you've slept with him and he refuses to return your calls. Why ruin the poor guy's fun?
magichands Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Why ruin the poor guy's fun? I agree. , the whole she-bang - it's a wonderful feeling If you do it right, yes.
kymberann Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Hey I say if it feels "right" then do what you need to do. Only you can determine what length of time you are or are not willing to wait. You may find jumping in can either make or break what ever comes next. A male friend of mine told me that women "fall in love quickly emotionally" first and for men sex and physiacl intimacy leads to falling in love. Whether it is true or not or stereotypical, I don't know however these are your feelings. I think you just have to ask what do you have to lose or gain? Best!
funkify Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 I agree with kymberann, you can't really use relationship 'rules' anymore. The point is, you want him to stick around after sex for a relationship, so wait until you are sure he respects and will commit to you. This could be one week or one year (hopefully not that long!). I was always a girl who vowed to play by the 'rules', always waited as long as possible before I slept with someone. That probably was wise most the time because there are a lot of d***s out there, however I recently had an amazing connection with a man and we slept together within a week of knowing one another. Do I regret it? Not for a second. He stuck around and if anything, we are much closer now than before. I think you just have to go with your gut.
Author freakygal78 Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Thanks Magic Hands for your wonderfully contrived answer AGAIN! lol. I have no idea - I think it's at the point where we may have done everything but already.....but still. I know women fall in love emotionally quicker but he was the one on our first date (we had been corresponding previously for a bit however) who said he wanted to be my boyfriend, spoke with a future orientation etc. which actually shocked me a little! We are both rather alternative people and so hard to find partners into things like we are - yes I wish I'd got to know him better but I am confident this is heading somewhere - he is not interested in his own gratification so far but focuses on pleasuring me - I think if he was purely after sex to dump me afterwards, he would not have been so selfless? Just a thought - maybe there are still decent romantic gentlemen left in this world? He is taking me the Roger Waters concert tonight and staying at mine so we shall see! It's been a long time since I've actually felt a strong attraction on all levels with someone rather than someone liking me and me going along with it which is how a lot of my r'ships started in the past - thanks for all your thoughts!
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