Guest Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Hi everyone. I'll try not to make this too long of a story! Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 & 1/2 years. Currently, I go to college 4 hours away from him and see him over breaks. He may drive down once a semester. He is three years older than me and never went to college. We have had issues in the past with what I deem emoitonal abuse. I find it nearly impossible to get him to talk about how he feels or show affection. He also will drop everything for someone who reappears from his past and will value them above me. Nonetheless, I do love and care for him. I am able to tolerate some of these bad characteristics when things are okay between us. Well, last weekend he texted me drunk saying "F you", so I called him. He proceeded to call me names and pretty much tell me he isn't happy. His best friend grabbed the phone from him and talked to me for two hours to calm me down. The day after, my boyfriend claimed he didn't remember anything. He did say that he has a new attitude that he wants to live life day by day. And for some reason, this includes taking a step back and not showing any affection towards me. I asked him if he still wants me to be his girlfriend and he said "yea, i guess so". Really a confident answer right? So I am trying to give him his space and be there for him but it hurts me that he can't say he loves me or put a heart in his away message he has for the past two years. Therefore, I asked him how he could want me to be his girlfriend but won't show me any affection. I told him its hurting me. And all he responds is I am sorry and I'm not trying to hurt you. He'll say it's all about him right now. But then, he doesn't change anything. We still talk two or three times a day (which is a step back for us) but it always leaves me in tears because he won't say he cares. He tells me to relax and that he'll hang up if I start to cry. But then he'll say cutsey things to make me feel better. I know you all think I'm crazy for still being with him with the things he is putting me through but I feel like I can't let go. Does anyone have any suggestions how to deal with this situation? I actually wound up calling his mother. (We have a really good relationship. She would never tell him I call) She told me that he verbally abuses me and I should get rid of him, that I could do some much better. And that helped me for a few days but I'm falling into this depressed state again. I feel like he's still holding on and I don't want to toss away our possible future. Any feedback would really help me. Thank you all.
confucious Posted February 6, 2007 Posted February 6, 2007 Too have a succesful and loving relationship one needs, above all, Love. Another VERY important ingredient is respect. It doesn't sound like you are getting either...I am assuming you are hoping for a healthy LTR with him. How do you expect to have that without love or respect??? Will you continue to love and respect yourself if you stick around and let him treat you this way??
taylor Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Your boyfriend said it's all about him right now. Let it be "all about him." Walk away and don't look back. You deserve so much better. I agree with the other posters. He has no respect for you, he takes you for granted, and he does not love you like crazy. He does not appreciate you or cherish you. Who wants a boyfriend that says "I guess" I want you. Who wants a boyfriend that calls you up drunk and swears at you. What you want is a boyfriend that calls you up sober and tells you that you are the love of his life! What you want is a boyfriend who is more interested in making you happpy than making himself happy. That is what loving someone is all about. This guy needs a wake-up call. He is immature, selfish, and inconsiderate. He needs to learn that you can't treat a girlfriend the way he does and expect her to stick around. You shouldn't. You are wasting your time. Find someone who loves and respects you and treats you like a princess 24/7. He is out there. You just need to give yourself the freedom and opportunity to find him. You sound as if you have some self-esteem issues. Your boyfriend is probably making them worse. Do yourself a favor. Dump this jerk and work on getting your self-esteem back. Once you do, you won't give him a second look.
alasia Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 Sorry to hijack a thread but Taylor, your post applies to me and my ex so much...you've got me in tears! Thanks for posting that, really helped me open my eyes.
Guest Posted February 7, 2007 Posted February 7, 2007 This guy needs a wake-up call. He is immature, selfish, and inconsiderate. He needs to learn that you can't treat a girlfriend the way he does and expect her to stick around. You shouldn't. You are wasting your time. Find someone who loves and respects you and treats you like a princess 24/7. He is out there. You just need to give yourself the freedom and opportunity to find him. Thank you for your input. He is immature and I know deep down that I desreve better. Turns out, he wound up breaking up with me last night. He says he needs to be him and I need to be me and the distance is hurting him. I just don't understand why he gets to walk away feeling okay and now I am a total mess when he was the one who was hurting me for years? And how do you give up on someone you say means so much to you? But I left on good terms, not yelling at him, not hating him, so that maybe a few years down the line he'll realize how awful he treated me and that he hurt me. He says it is an "indefinite break" and to move on. No contact for a while. I think I'm still in shock and hurt. We just said goodnight and talk to you soon. I guess maybe I should see it as the best thing he's done for me in a while? I'm just very hurt.
WantHimBack Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Thank you for your input. He is immature and I know deep down that I desreve better. Turns out, he wound up breaking up with me last night. He says he needs to be him and I need to be me and the distance is hurting him. I just don't understand why he gets to walk away feeling okay and now I am a total mess when he was the one who was hurting me for years? And how do you give up on someone you say means so much to you? But I left on good terms, not yelling at him, not hating him, so that maybe a few years down the line he'll realize how awful he treated me and that he hurt me. He says it is an "indefinite break" and to move on. No contact for a while. I think I'm still in shock and hurt. We just said goodnight and talk to you soon. I guess maybe I should see it as the best thing he's done for me in a while? I'm just very hurt. I can understand how this feels far to well. I am dealing with this very situation right now. The only difference is is that my ex, despite my trying to give him his space, he keeps calling me, he keeps coming over. And I let him do this. I love him, I want him in my life, and yet I know that he has verbally abused me, he has physically abused his ex's, and yet I let him walk all over me. Why, because I love him, I want him in my life, and I want him in my life for some silly reason I want to be with him. I know that I need to let him go, get him out of my life, get a life of my own, and move on but that is easier said then done. All I want is to spend the rest of my life with him, dispite everything else. Stupid or just time to grow up?
taylor Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hearts can't think. They only know how to love. That's why we hang on to boyfriends/girlfriends that we KNOW aren't good for us. We love them. We hold on to them in our hearts. Even when our brains are screaming at us to let them go and telling us that they are not good for us. My boyfriend broke up with me because he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend who recently came back into his life after 2 years! They had dated for 8 years! Even though every brain cell in my head tells me, "You don't want a guy who is in love with another girl" my heart is still begging for him to come back to me. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just find that exit door in our hearts and shove these guys out for good? If only we could turn our hearts "off" and turn our brains "on." Letting go and moving on would be soooo much easier.
Guest Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 Hearts can't think. They only know how to love. That's why we hang on to boyfriends/girlfriends that we KNOW aren't good for us. We love them. We hold on to them in our hearts. Even when our brains are screaming at us to let them go and telling us that they are not good for us. My boyfriend broke up with me because he is still in love with his ex-girlfriend who recently came back into his life after 2 years! They had dated for 8 years! Even though every brain cell in my head tells me, "You don't want a guy who is in love with another girl" my heart is still begging for him to come back to me. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just find that exit door in our hearts and shove these guys out for good? If only we could turn our hearts "off" and turn our brains "on." Letting go and moving on would be soooo much easier. It's so true and I am sorry to her about your ex. I guess the only thing that will make things better right now is time and trying to remember how poorly they treated us. I'm having such a hard time.
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