ColdDuck Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Hi I want to find a solution to this problem. The problem is this - I love a very wonderful and fantastic woman. We'll you ask what is the problem then? The woman I am deeply in love with is my ex wife's twin sister. Oh my!!! you exclaim and all hell breaks loose about how awful I am and such nonsense. Before you judge me let me tell you by saying that my ex wife left me for another man. It is almost 3 years since we divorced and she didnt love me anymore. She left me a empty broken wreck. She is still with the same guy and is gonna marry him soon. We'll like they say life goes on. Everyone's gonna say I am in love with the twin sister because I miss my ex wife, but it simply isn't true. They are completely different people. Sure we talked over the years but nothing like now. I can see myself growing old with this woman. She knows exactly how I feel about her and she is trying very hard to get over some issues concerning her twin sister. I am not gonna bore you with all the details about us but we are closer than ever now. We talked about a relationship almost everyday and she admits that it is something she would want to do. She even sees us getting married. She knows I love her very much, but she has a problem with the fact that her twin sister and me have had sex and were married. She realy wants to let this thing work for us, but how can I make her forget about my past? Don't say give it time, because I want to have a life and family with this wonderful person while I am still alive and kicking. The question is this - How can she get over the idea of me and her sister, and think about her own future and happiness. Her sister is happy, why can't she be happy? She realy wants to let this thing work and I am not making it up in my mind. She even asked me to post on this forum for advice for her about dealing with this issue. I have tried to move out of her life numerous times, because I can't take the torture anymore and I want her to go on, but she does not want me to go away ever. How can we make this thing work? Please give some good advice for her to get over what me and her sister had, because it is ancient history. We both want it to work.
BabyPhoenix Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 The main aspect of what you and your Significant Other (SO) are trying to address is what is called Retroactive Jealousy. I am no expert on the matter, but perhaps googling this, and searching for this term in LoveShack might prove to be useful. The core of RJ that the jealous partner has to accept is that their behaviour is irrational. They are living in the past, when they should be living in the present. A lot of it also has to do with possession. Often when the jealous partner releases this need to possess or own their partner, the RJ may abate. Obviously, this is not as simple as "I can't get over the fact that my SO slept with other women". Instead it is compounded: "I can't get over the fact that my SO slept with my twin sister - for years!" Are they identical or fraternal? Identical may compound the matter even more - thinking of you looking into her face, and seeing your ex-wifes, for example.
Sup Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 In what ways is she different from your Ex-wife? I would highly recommend in going to Pre-Marriage Counseling, for BOTH of you, to make sure that this isn't for any other reason/s than that you both love each other. It would help both of you I'm sure.
Author ColdDuck Posted February 3, 2007 Author Posted February 3, 2007 Hi they are identical twins but I don't see them as identical. I've known them for almost 15 years. There was never a moment when i looked into her eyes that I thought, "hey she looks like my ex wife". She has raised this concern aswell but all I can say is that it will never be an issue for me because I don't her see like that. I only see her as someone that I deeply love. I don;t compare the two sisters because they are completely different people in my eyes. The other fact is that I have no love feelings whatsoever for my ex wife. She had hurt me to deep, but we are still friends.
whichwayisup Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Then it's up to her NOT to let it get in the way, and all you can do is reaffirm how you feel, in words and action, that she is NOT the same in everyway as your exwife, her twin. Now, quick question, what will her twin sis think of you two hooking up? Not that it really matters seeing as what the situation is...But still, you both will be having to face family, friends etc...Is it out in the open or hush hush right now?
Author ColdDuck Posted February 3, 2007 Author Posted February 3, 2007 My ex wife and her entire family knows my feelings for her sister. My ex was reluctant at first, but she accepts it now. She doesn't have a choice, afterall she left me. Another fact is that her family actually encourages her to give it a try. In the beginning I thought all hell was gonna break loose from her family but they supported me from the start. I took a serious risk telling my feelings to them, but it was all good at the end.
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