A Sad Day

[movinon05]

What a sad day. I just read through the whole thread that ran rampant and was about to post, but turns out, it was removed.

 

However, I am compelled to write this and if it starts another rampant thread, I'm sure it will get pulled.

 

It is very sad to see where this forum has gone. It is no longer helpful for what it is intended to be. Is that the intent of some BWs, to make sure there is no place on the WWW for OWs to convene? I don't know.

 

While this particular section tends to have its good and bad times, most recently it has just gotten completely out of control. I have no problem with posters, BWs or others, giving constructive insight into situations like this. But I have seen too much over the past year to know that the BWs are given far more leeway than OWs when spewing their venom. I'm sure the moderators might not like to hear that and I am aware that they cannot police everywhere. In fact, I have no doubt they are working overtime as I imagine the complaint department is filled to the gills lately regarding this section of the forum.

 

I do know the guidelines of LS:

 

We expect that all community participants interact in a manner conducive to free-flowing, collaborative participation from all visitors, fostering an environment free of harassment, character attacks, and other forms of individual and group berating.

 

Can we honestly say that there are not BWs who do exactly the above thing, and it is allowed to stay?

 

OW do not come here to spew venom. And I do believe that some BWs learn a great deal by coming here. But enough is enough.

 

And the proof is that horrendous site everyone has talked about. I'm glad Thumb pointed it out (even if it didn't last long enough for everyone to catch a glimpse). I personally think that site speaks for itself.

 

If this thread gets me banned, so be it. The only reason I come back now is to help those who are in a place where I used to be. I've made some of my best friends here. And it has served its purpose for me. Unfortunately, I do not know that others after me will be so lucky.

 

A final familiar thought to all who manage to read this before it potentially gets pulled:

 

Take a good look at yourself and your life. "Let he/she who has not sinned, cast the first stone."

[stillhere]

You know why i think some BS's have more leeway than the OW's? I just read on that other site for someone to contact one of the mods here on LS and they named him by name.

 

Said moderator has flagged me a few times for things i didn't think were so bad, yet left posts by BS's that were reported and way worse than anything i ever said.

 

I agree MO. You helped me a lot and took me under your wing when i first started posting here. I thank you for that.

 

I hope this forum returns to a place that can help these newbies that have nowhere else to turn.

[whichwayisup]

Don't let afew people who have nothing better to do than gossip on another site ruin your time here on LS. Eventually they'll get bored and move on to another site and people to pick on. Best thing to do is IGNORE 'em all. Any sh.t disturbing that starts, use the alert key and don't react to it. It's like the bully's in highschool...Eventually if there is no reaction, they go away.

 

It's a shame that many new members or guests now will have their posts questioned if they're real or not.

[magichands]

You know why i think some BS's have more leeway than the OW's?

Be reasonable, now. The B stands for betrayed.

[stillhere]

I know WWIU. I ignore that other site. Someone else pointed out a thread started over on that site, they named a specific mod on this site. One who has flagged me a few times.

 

That's where my problem lies. If said mod is protecting those BS's from that other site, that is hardly fair for any OW posting here.

[movinon05]

Don't let afew people who have nothing better to do than gossip on another site ruin your time here on LS. Eventually they'll get bored and move on to another site and people to pick on. Best thing to do is IGNORE 'em all. Any sh.t disturbing that starts, use the alert key and don't react to it. It's like the bully's in highschool...Eventually if there is no reaction, they go away.

 

It's a shame that many new members or guests now will have their posts questioned if they're real or not.

 

WWIU, I could not agree more.

 

But I do know that at times in the past, I have had to respond to posters who spewed venom, because these were my friends they were talking to. When emotions become involved, its not so easy. Maybe its easier for me now that I am past all this and know better.

[whichwayisup]

That's where my problem lies. If said mod is protecting those BS's from that other site, that is hardly fair for any OW posting here.

 

I doubt that LS mods would be protecting any BS's or OW's, or anyone who joins another site like that one and spews that crap here. My best guess that they weren't aware of that site and what was going on until very recently.

[erika2610]

I doubt that LS mods would be protecting any BS's or OW's, or anyone who joins another site like that one and spews that crap here. My best guess that they weren't aware of that site and what was going on until very recently.

 

 

My guess is is that somebody comes here and pretends to be "one of us", and then goes back and gets their jollies ripping on members here.

[stillhere]

I hope for all our (OW's that is) sakes you are right WWIU!! I just want to know how they got his name and that he is the one mainly moderating this section. Seems a little fishy. I hope i'm not looking too far into things.

[RecordProducer]

May I ask what are you guys talking about?

[whichwayisup]

I guess this is just like out in the real world...Can't control who says what about you behind your back - People gossip and some take it to another level because they need to make themselves feel better.

[BenThereDunThat]

I think the majority of "the problem" here stems from two people: YouSaveMe and ReneeT....AKA...GingerSnap (ok, I can't remember what the last half of her new name is right now..) and Kathleen.

 

Up until they came along, I feel like we ALL got along just fine. We all, OW's and BS's alike, were okay with the back and forth. We listened, we offered our opinions, we pushed a little, we gave in a little....

 

Regardless, we LISTENED. Those two have kind of been the poison ivy that creeped in and contaminated everything it touched.

[stillhere]

I guess this is just like out in the real world...Can't control who says what about you behind your back - People gossip and some take it to another level because they need to make themselves feel better.

 

I don't care what people say behind my back. Really, those people can say whatever they want about me on that other site. Sticks and stones...........

 

If it is true about this mod, this is someone who is supposed to be unbiased, and if he's favoring one side, then all is not fair. I'll drop it now, my point was made.

[erika2610]

May I ask what are you guys talking about?

 

Another site where women get their jollies making fun of OW's here, and undoubtedly have moles here. I don't want to name the site, as I won't give it anymore free advertising. I don't think most people here would have even known about the site if a troublemaker hadn't brought it up.

[lovernotafighter]

Another site where women get their jollies making fun of OW's here, and undoubtedly have moles here. I don't want to name the site, as I won't give it anymore free advertising. I don't think most people here would have even known about the site if a troublemaker hadn't brought it up.

 

LS basically flew under the radar till this happened...they did look but were basically uninterested.. now they have a bunch of LS converts, what were they thinking!!

 

but its true a mods name is being spoke of by them on friendly terms oddly enough.

 

or is it.

 

seems to me that we OW's and OM's are treated like the red headed step children of LS far to often for it be just a coincidence in my opinion.

 

MO I can't agree with you more..this place has gone to hell in a hand basket.

[kymberann]

Some one please stop the insanity!!!

Can't we all just get a long!!!

 

I knew things were running amuck, I haven't been posting as often because things are bizarre around here. Don't enjoy reading the threads as often either. But if we just keep sending the message about being a supportive place perhaps people will get the idea!

Keep on keeping on!

[movinon05]

Some one please stop the insanity!!!

Can't we all just get a long!!!

 

I knew things were running amuck, I haven't been posting as often because things are bizarre around here. Don't enjoy reading the threads as often either. But if we just keep sending the message about being a supportive place perhaps people will get the idea!

Keep on keeping on!

 

I think you're absolutely right. One can only hope.

[NoIDidn't]

Mo

 

I see no other BSs have posted to this thread, so I am stating my two cents about it.

 

While I agree that things around here are running amuck, it is not the fault of the few BW that post here. We are not giving any more leeway than an OW. How would anyone here know who is getting flagged about their posts unless they themselves announce it to the board? So it is presumptuous to assume that no BWs are getting flagged.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with BTDT. Before that group of personalities, whether its one person or five, things were just fine. We have always had some heated debates, but I have always felt that even those by regular posters were respectable.

 

With regards to the other site, I say get over it. In the nicest way, of course. Its a parody/satire/lampooning site. Of course they are going to say things that persons actively doing those things will find offensive. But they are equal opportunity. Its seems the OWs forget that they also criticize BWs for even bothering to post around the OW. They also rag on so-called infidelity help sites too. If the site is so offensive, the alternative is to ignore it. Plus, the troublemakers ARE the ones that brought it up.

 

Thanks to the many threads started by YSM and her merry little band of personalities, this place hasn't been much fun to come and chit chat. Now she has even respected members doing the same thing she did.

[hardknocks]

I couldn't agree more. And I would point the finger at the moderators. It doesn't have to be the way it is now.

 

Speaking for myself - and probably others.. One of the hradest parts about being the "OTHER" is that you can't talk to anybody about. I was so ashamed of what was going on and I had to keep up the secret. Not having anybody to talk to, to hear about their experiences was part of the reason I stayed stuck in a relationship I was not happy in.

 

The blatent attacks on OM/OW does nothing to HELP any of the situation of the OM/OW. Making the OW/OM feel WORSE about their situation helps to keep them STUCK (sometime exactly opposite reaction than wanted by the BS). There needs to be a supportive environment where OP can speak - learn they are not some failure or three headed monster and hopefully feel good enough about themselves to make the right choices in their lives.

 

Being baited into a debate by rogue posters actually KEEPS ME AWAY FROM THE SITE. Why would I want to go some place where I am going to get in an argument? I have enough problems w/o having to deal with psuedo-empathetic-in-you-best-interest-tough-love BS's.

 

I believe the moderators need to do better.

 

My 2 cents.

[yousaveme]

I think that is unfair I havent done anything. Against another OW. I have only attacked those that attacked me. And I have been a big target over at the other place. So leave me out of that. I came here in August. Things didnt start getting crazy until Oct.

 

I think the majority of "the problem" here stems from two people: YouSaveMe and ReneeT....AKA...GingerSnap (ok, I can't remember what the last half of her new name is right now..) and Kathleen.

 

Up until they came along, I feel like we ALL got along just fine. We all, OW's and BS's alike, were okay with the back and forth. We listened, we offered our opinions, we pushed a little, we gave in a little....

 

Regardless, we LISTENED. Those two have kind of been the poison ivy that creeped in and contaminated everything it touched.

[yousaveme]

Listen , I havent come here with a band of personalites. But if that is what you want to believe then so be it.

 

I cant say anymore about it.

 

I have had my shares of venom spitting yes. But not at OW.

 

I came here for help. For support. I am glad I did. But it just seems I guess I should go back to holding it all in. And deal with the relationship on my own.

[movinon05]

Mo

 

I see no other BSs have posted to this thread, so I am stating my two cents about it.

 

While I agree that things around here are running amuck, it is not the fault of the few BW that post here. We are not giving any more leeway than an OW. How would anyone here know who is getting flagged about their posts unless they themselves announce it to the board? So it is presumptuous to assume that no BWs are getting flagged.

 

I agree wholeheartedly with BTDT. Before that group of personalities, whether its one person or five, things were just fine. We have always had some heated debates, but I have always felt that even those by regular posters were respectable.

 

With regards to the other site, I say get over it. In the nicest way, of course. Its a parody/satire/lampooning site. Of course they are going to say things that persons actively doing those things will find offensive. But they are equal opportunity. Its seems the OWs forget that they also criticize BWs for even bothering to post around the OW. They also rag on so-called infidelity help sites too. If the site is so offensive, the alternative is to ignore it. Plus, the troublemakers ARE the ones that brought it up.

 

Thanks to the many threads started by YSM and her merry little band of personalities, this place hasn't been much fun to come and chit chat. Now she has even respected members doing the same thing she did.

 

Personally, I could give a rat's a$$ about that other site. As I said, it speaks for itself.

 

And I suppose we could banter back and forth about whose posts get pulled or not. I wouldn't know if they've been flagged, but when terribly offensive posts are kept on the board, that tells me something different. But we can agree to disagree.

 

I've never bashed BWs for how they feel because I can understand their hurt. And I think its good that they come here. I have nothing but compassion and empathy for them. My only beef here is what I said at the end of my post. Let's not cast stones.

[movinon05]

I couldn't agree more. And I would point the finger at the moderators. It doesn't have to be the way it is now.

 

Speaking for myself - and probably others.. One of the hradest parts about being the "OTHER" is that you can't talk to anybody about. I was so ashamed of what was going on and I had to keep up the secret. Not having anybody to talk to, to hear about their experiences was part of the reason I stayed stuck in a relationship I was not happy in.

 

The blatent attacks on OM/OW does nothing to HELP any of the situation of the OM/OW. Making the OW/OM feel WORSE about their situation helps to keep them STUCK (sometime exactly opposite reaction than wanted by the BS). There needs to be a supportive environment where OP can speak - learn they are not some failure or three headed monster and hopefully feel good enough about themselves to make the right choices in their lives.

 

Being baited into a debate by rogue posters actually KEEPS ME AWAY FROM THE SITE. Why would I want to go some place where I am going to get in an argument? I have enough problems w/o having to deal with psuedo-empathetic-in-you-best-interest-tough-love BS's.

 

I believe the moderators need to do better.

 

My 2 cents.

 

This is exactly what my intent for this thread was all about.

[Ladyjane14]

But I do know that at times in the past, I have had to respond to posters who spewed venom, because these were my friends they were talking to. When emotions become involved, its not so easy.

 

That's understandable. I've been guilty myself of it once or twice. But I think in order to solve the problem... it's also something we have to resist. Just because someone is an OW, doesn't necessarily mean that other OWs have to adopt her in some semblance of sisterhood. Same holds true in the BW camp.

 

If those two pot-stirrers had been treated by everyone who recognized them for what they were... as "pot-stirrers", rather than embraced as "sisters", there would've been no impetus for them to continue. As it was, they found an audience for their antics. In doing so, they changed the fundamental dynamics of your board.

 

All that said, I do see the need for more moderation here as well as better use by members for the tools already in place. I won't name names... but if I were a moderator here, I can think of two OWs as well as two BWs who would've been banned from this section long ago.

 

Perhaps, some of you more fair-minded ladies should consider applying as a mod. (????) That's not my cup of tea. I prefer spending my time posting. But I think a few of you might end up being rather good at it.

 

In the meantime... I think you definitely ALL need to be using the tools at hand. Don't hang around waiting for somebody else to fix it. Take your board back. You can do that best by NOT allowing trouble-makers to get your goat.

[BenThereDunThat]

Excellent post LadyJane. I don't have anything to add, just wanted to say I completely agree.