i was the other man

[lonelyguy36]

hello im new to the forum im 36 years old

 

a year ago i met a woman online who is 27 years old married with 2 children we chatted for a while and after a few months got together

she told me she did not love her husband but was scared of being on her own so she stayed with him for security

i really fell in love with this woman ive never felt like this about no woman before

she had me staying on the couch downstairs because she really enjoyed my company and she stayed downstairs with me she said she loved me her husband thought i was her friend, and allowed this

i was staying there all the time until one day he blew up and wanted me to leave she left too and went to her mums with the kids but after a few days she went back to the house as she said she couldnt live with her mum .

she said to me i can still come round

so i did but i was scared i used to sound my horn outside and we went to my house and she was staying over and stuff (he allowed this)

 

then dec 1st last year i went to her house and broke down whilst he wasnt there i said i couldnt do this anymore its ripping my heart out i cried ..then she burst into tears and said i do believe that you love me you shown me love like no man has ever had

she said she was gonna tell her husband about us ..i said why..she said so then he can do as he pleases

 

then she said to me if we love each other why dont we stay friends then she said she wouldnt tell her husband i agreed then xmas eve i really sent her a nasty text it was nasty but out of anger cos i wanted her wholly

 

she finished with me

 

then we got speaking again and i broke her trust as she is a private person i told one of her distant friends about us which in turn got back to her

she blasted me and said she couldnt believe id done it again

 

anyway we have been talking over the telephone and she wants to stay friends for now but dont see each other because she felt intimidated and scared about trust issues cos i opened my mouth but she said she cant switch off from me like she has her exes she says think of the good times we had together

i went round to her house and she says shes going to get rid of her husband given time... and when shes ready wants us to take it slow as we rushed into things and says we both need a bit of space i said to her i cant go back to that situation being the other man

i told her her things went pear shaped when he blew up she aggred

she said i hurt her and things aint gonna be put right overnight and she says i can go back round when shes ready and she said her and her husband have agreed it is a marraige of convenice

i know she hasnt had sex with her husband for the time we were together and to this date

 

she agrees that it wasnt all my fault and that trust can be rebuilt given time

 

she has asked her husband to go on many occasions but they argue and none of them will leave the house

 

any advice apprieciated

[whichwayisup]

Bottomline is she is married with children. She may or may not leave her husband, and IF she ever does, are you ready to BE a stepfather to her children? And deal with her exhusband, he will be in your lives forever.

 

It sounds like she does like you, but isn't intending on leaving her husband, ever. Couples fight and get on eachothers nerves, and remember, she's been LYING to him about you, so don't fool yourself into thinking she won't lie to you.

 

She is selfish because she wants you (om) and her husband. She doesn't want to give up her life as she knows it - Comfort of her house, money, family, friends, lifestyle...She isn't going to give all that up for you, an unsure bet....Hope that makes sense.

 

The best thing you can do for YOU is detach from her, slowly move on, get over her and find a single woman who will love ONLY you. Don't ya think you deserve better than what she's offering you?

[frannie]

Hello lonelyguy. I suggest you read some threads by other OM on here, because it will give you an idea as to how these things can go with a woman who is with her husband for security but likes to have a man outside the marriage to make her feel good about herself. Sorry if that sounds a bit harsh, but I think that's what is going on here..?

 

BKRPM has a couple of threads, I think.

 

And ratingsguy's MW actually is getting divorced, but after all he's waited for her, she's no longer interested in him (it seems) and he's having to go NC with her now.

 

Please do some reading and see how these things often go. Not saying it's inevitable, but it might ring a few bells with you so you can decide whether it's worth continuing with this or not.

 

Best of luck to you and I'm sorry you're going through all this.

[Jinxx]

Bottomline is she is married with children. She may or may not leave her husband, and IF she ever does, are you ready to BE a stepfather to her children? And deal with her exhusband, he will be in your lives forever.

 

 

WWIU is right on the money with this. Speaking from experience, this was my life other than we were both divorced before blending families and that was hard enough dealing wih ex-spouses. Holidays, visitation, birthdays, family gatherings -- very ugly at times and we were on good terms.

 

Proceed with caution and as hard as it will be, try and put yourself out there to meet other women.

 

If she she really wants to be with you, she'll leave. If it does happen, take it very, very slow.

[MoonGirl]

LG36,

 

If it's been a year and she hasn't left her husband, I doubt she will.

 

I agree with frannie. Read BKRMP and RatingsGuy's threads. They will give you insight into the world of MW/OMs. I am an MW with an abusive husband and OM. Even though my marriage was/is complete crap, I still found it hard to find the strength to leave. It's hard to leave the known for the unknown, even in the known isn't so great.