Jolanda Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Here's my very short story: (sorry for my poor english) I fell desperatly in love with my co-worker.. same story as a lot of you... both having not a great marriage and escaping in work etc.. We didn't speak out our feelings for two years, although we knew they were there, but then it bursted. Both married with small children. We emailed daily, sometimes met eachother but it never went beyond hugs and kisses and staring into eyes.. for hours ...trying to express what couldn't be said or fysically be done. Decent people you know ... And yes, to be honest, I would have left my marriage for him. But after two years of vague expressions from his side, I knew he would'nt leave his. Still don't understand why actually. But I decided then to break away from any form of contact. Did that firmly and he was shocked. I was so proud of myself for a short while. But still... I've died a little (quiet much actually) and after 3 years of no contact (except of bumping into eachother at work and then total ignorance and even filthy looks ... this things can get really bad) I still have the feeling of a life-wrecking event, something I'll never get over or never réally can deal with. So.. never let you get this far. I won't be able to love again. Step out of it before it's too late. It mangles you.
Guest Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Here's my very short story: (sorry for my poor english) I fell desperatly in love with my co-worker.. same story as a lot of you... both having not a great marriage and escaping in work etc.. We didn't speak out our feelings for two years, although we knew they were there, but then it bursted. Both married with small children. We emailed daily, sometimes met eachother but it never went beyond hugs and kisses and staring into eyes.. for hours ...trying to express what couldn't be said or fysically be done. Decent people you know ... And yes, to be honest, I would have left my marriage for him. But after two years of vague expressions from his side, I knew he would'nt leave his. Still don't understand why actually. But I decided then to break away from any form of contact. Did that firmly and he was shocked. I was so proud of myself for a short while. But still... I've died a little (quiet much actually) and after 3 years of no contact (except of bumping into eachother at work and then total ignorance and even filthy looks ... this things can get really bad) I still have the feeling of a life-wrecking event, something I'll never get over or never réally can deal with. So.. never let you get this far. I won't be able to love again. Step out of it before it's too late. It mangles you. Well Jolanda, good on you--the hard part was actually ending it which you have done. I think that is the only way to find outwhat his intentions are. If you continued seeing him it would be easy for him to string you along. You say you are married so I hope that things aren't too bad although I did note that you were prepared to leave your marriage for him. It is an awful situation to be in and you can feel and actually be physically sick. I am at the stage where I am sad when I don't see him and sad when I do after he goes home after saying that he wishes he could stay longer. Well that is in his hands and I never ask him to stay because it looks as if I am needy, although deep down he knows that want him to stay all the time. He is really just acknowledging the hopeless situation we are in, with the affair going nowhere fast. As you 2 were co-workers that is hard because of the continued contact. The fact that he is annoyed with your decision to walk away, at least shows that you had an effect on him otherwise he would be indifferent to you. He probably has a big ego problem and can't believe that someone dumped him. Well good on you and although 3 years is a long time to still be thinking of him, most of this is due to you working together. It would be better if he was out of sight and out of mind. Just ignore him if he is angy--he is only trying to gt a reaction out of you and the more you ignore him the better you will feel. If you get a chance to move jobs that might be a good move so that you can go to work knowing that he won't pop up to remind you of what you are missing (NOT)! Good luck.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 So.. never let you get this far. I won't be able to love again. Step out of it before it's too late. It mangles you. You need to try and repair your M...Have you tried marriage counseling? What's the point of staying married to someone you aren't able to love?
pureinheart Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Man Jolanda....that is so the truth....and trust me, the longer it goes on, the worst it gets....even with no sex, the ties seem to be stronger for some reason....
outofdarkness Posted February 5, 2007 Posted February 5, 2007 Here's my very short story: (sorry for my poor english) I fell desperatly in love with my co-worker.. same story as a lot of you... both having not a great marriage and escaping in work etc.. We didn't speak out our feelings for two years, although we knew they were there, but then it bursted. Both married with small children. We emailed daily, sometimes met eachother but it never went beyond hugs and kisses and staring into eyes.. for hours ...trying to express what couldn't be said or fysically be done. Decent people you know ... And yes, to be honest, I would have left my marriage for him. But after two years of vague expressions from his side, I knew he would'nt leave his. Still don't understand why actually. But I decided then to break away from any form of contact. Did that firmly and he was shocked. I was so proud of myself for a short while. But still... I've died a little (quiet much actually) and after 3 years of no contact (except of bumping into eachother at work and then total ignorance and even filthy looks ... this things can get really bad) I still have the feeling of a life-wrecking event, something I'll never get over or never réally can deal with. So.. never let you get this far. I won't be able to love again. Step out of it before it's too late. It mangles you. It gets better with time. The old saying; "Time heals all wounds" really rang true with me. Whether you are an OW or a BS, you can forgive, but we NEVER forget...Little things remind us of the pain the we endured and the happy times that we shared with our loves. I think that you will be able to love again, and you will most likely look back on this and remember what a wise decision you made, taking back your life...My thoughts and prayers are with you as they are with everyone on this forum.
Jolanda Posted February 8, 2007 Posted February 8, 2007 Thank you all for your kind words! I think you’re right by saying that the hard part right now is working in the same school and therefore still meet eachother, which makes it impossible to forget. When we were still in contact and the situation was unbearable for both of us (o yes, I was 100% sure he loved me very deeply also and somtimes still believe that), we’ve decided that one of us should leave to stop the pain. He promised he would leave, because I´m working much longer there, for all my life actually. He didn´t within the term we´ve agreed and didn´t even explain why not. That´s when I got so angry and broke up with him. We´ve started to ignore eachother. Well, I did that the most because I couldn´t stand the sadness when I see him. I don´t go to workingdiners or party´s anymore, can´t stand to be in the same room with him. Although I don´t want to my body reacts quit embarrasing when I see him. Starting to blush, feeling shaky and all mixed up. I hate that. I also hate the idea that I could have been just an exiting break in his midlife crisis. But above all, I miss being with him and how I felt those moments.. Maybe I should find another job, but this job means a lot to me and I don´t want to be `the looser`. For my marriage: my husband is (now! he used to be an alcoholic) a nice person who is working hard and taking part in the household and the raising of the children. My love for him is gone (long before the affair) but I respect him a lot and don´t want to disturb the life of my lovely children with a divorce. I will when they are on their own feet. Ten years to go…
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