ocset Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I know this happended a while ago but its still affecting my life. I'd never dated before, then In year 2000 a met a girl (i'll call her K.) who a fell for head of heals, it took me around 15months to build the courage to ask her out, which I did and we dated briefly, just a few weeks, then she wanted to just be friends, which although difficult we were. I still had feelings for her and wouldnt date anyone else - in fact if anyone expressed interest I'd run! In 2003 I'd picked her up from a course she was on and on the way back she told me someone liked me (i'll call her R) and said I should ask her out. I didnt - but she set us up, and I started going out with her. Everything was fine for a while, then it started going wrong. R said I was having affair with K and demanded that I have no more contact with her. ( which although wrong I kept in contact with K behind R's back - although it was NOT an affair). We broke up for a while and I recieved some nasty letters, txt's and calls but after about 6weeks I got back with R as she said it would be ok. But the accusations contined as did the arguements and she then accused me of having an affari with a female collegue - who I was friendly with but were just friends with. Again we broke up and the letters etc started again. And again I wnet back with her. She would never let me go out, and on the occasion she would say yes - like a mates birthday - she would agree to it but for the weeks leading to it I'd have to do everything that she wanted to do, but then on the day she'd find some reason why I couldnt go - or a favourite of hers would be to drive me somewhere so I wouldnt get back in time OR if I was driving she'd sit in the car and wouldnt get out. Finally in Oct 2005 I broke up with her after a agressive argument with her. She locked me in her flat and ripped my clothes to prevent me from leaving, I threatened to climb out of the window and eventually after a struggle by the door I left. She wrote hate mail to my collegue, and to myself and my family. She drove her car repeatidly into the back of mine whilst drivving down the road (i did not report this as I felt that a criminal record would be more harm than good for her). The letters, texts, emails and phone calls wnet on until January 2007. I'd spoken to the police in november as I couldnt take anymore The police cautioned her in Jan. The letters varied greatly from "I hope you die" or "I hope you get raped" or "I hope you mum gets killed" to sending photographs of my fathers grave. And also asking me to marry her. Also writing to my collegue calling her a slut etc she also tired to get me sacked from work. In total some 200 letters, some 200 emails, 100 of texts and 100's of phone calls. I know I did wrong lying about keeping in touch with my friend 'K', and to be honest I probably did have some feelings for her. BUT I wasnt having an affair. And I was friends with my collegue but again, wasnt having an affair. R said "I was having head sex with them" - what the h%^l is that!! I couldnt take the possesiveness of the relationship. I was worried that she would do something to hersel or to me or my family. I think I ready to move on but there is a constant worry that she'll do something. If I do start dating, should I tell the person about the above?? There is someone I Like (infact she's mentioned in the above) and is aware of things. But I dont think she knows that I've now fallen for her. Should I contact the police (it'll be court next) if she does contact me again? I think she needs help.
BlueEyedSarah Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Is R still doing what she is doing? (Like you stated above). If R is still acting that way then I think it will be best for you to go to the police and get a restraining order on R. With this new girl you like I think its best not to jump into a relationship with her, just tell her you want to take things slow because of a 'situation' in your life which needs to be sorted, but let it be known you are intrested in a relationship with her. Its best to get the situation with R sorted out first otherwise it could be big trouble. Also its best not to be in contact with R or be around anyone who is in contact with her. R sounds like she really needs some professional help because it looks as though she has some kind of mental disorder
Author ocset Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Thanks for your reply. She recieved and Offical Police caution in mid Jan 07, since then I've not had anything else. But this doesn't stop me worrying about it. I've not contacted her since we broke up in Oct 05, the girl (woman - shes about 12 yrs older than me) I like had also recieved some hate mail from R - she thought we were having an affair - at the time I was seeing R I certainly didnt think of my friend in that way (we were just friends & because R didnt like me to have contact with other women I hardly ever saw her). But only now in the past few months as we've been spending alot of time together have I thought about her more. I know that she wasnt seeing anyone, but I not sure now and I wonder if I just come with to much baggage - I am trying to make it clear to her that I've moved on. But I also just trying to be a friend at the moment as she's got her own concerns and doesnt need extra worry. I believe that R's family are going to try and help her get some treatment for OCD.
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