silentcharon Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I really need advice, I have no idea what I'm supposed to do. Yesterday was my birthday- I figured that I would just go for wings with my best friend and hit her house later on to watch Grey's as we always do on every thursday night. My bf texted me at school, asking if we could go for dinner or something for my bday. I told him that I had plans, although I wasn't sure if I wanted to go, I asked if we could do it on friday instead. He said he was going out with the boys, which was fine with me, so I called my friend and told her that I wanted to spend thursday night with my bf, and we could do something on friday night since he was busy. Just a switch over. Then I get a text saying, "Why don't you really tell me what you're doing tonight," from my bf. I got confused, so I sent one back saying, "huh? What do you mean? I was just going to go for wings, but now i'm free, we can do something tonight, you can plan the night." I didn't hear from him for a couple of hours, at this point I'm already at the bar with a couple of people from school. I had a feeling he was mad, but I didn't know about what, so I just asked if he was mad, if I had done something wrong. I didn't hear from him for a while, so I just called my friend and said we could still get together as I haven't heard from my bf. As soon as I'm stepping out of the door, I get a text saying that he was sorry, he was out shopping for a new bbq with a friend of his, he asked me if I wanted to come over and help set it up. Then I got another text right after, saying, "I'm having a hard time trusting you, because you have been dishonest with me on three instances, and I don't deal well with that." I had no idea there was a problem to even begin with, so I asked him what he meant by that, since I had no idea what he was talking about. No answer, so I sent one saying that I was still going to my friend's house because I haven't heard from him all night. When I got to her house, I had her call my bf to see if we could still get together, she told me that he sounded pissed off and told her to tell me he would call me later. I figured out that he was probably pissed off and stopped texting him, so I just left it alone for the night. So I need help! I haven't heard from him all night and all day today, I sent one asking if we could go for coffee because I really wanted to talk to him. Still no answer. I have no idea what i'm supposed to do, do I keep calling him or wait for him to call? Especially when I have no clue what the problem is, or how I've been "dishonest" with him. The thing is that, I recently saw him on tuesday- everything was going good, we booked a flight ticket online as a birthday gift from him, we hung out, had dinner and watched movies with him at his condo. Then on wednesday, we made plans to go out of town for the weekend with his family since it is also his mom's bday, so we are to celebrate both our respective bdays together, we're supposed to leave on Saturday. I also got invited to come over to my parents house for dinner on Sunday night, so we agreed we'd go there when we get back in town for dinner. I really want to find out what's going on. I talked to his sister on msn, she told me I have to get a hold of him and find out what's going on. I've texted him once today, and sent an email, that's it for today. I really want to know what's going on, but I'm not sure how to go about it. What is the problem??? It's driving me up the wall!!! PLEASE HELP! do I just confront him? Why is he running away? Why is he blowing me off? Why would he tell me he has a problem and not answer his phone? I've only sent maybe five messages last night, then one today, so it isn't like I'm texting him every five minutes! do I just leave him alone????? HELP ME!
Star Gazer Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I'll tell you what the problem is: Your ENTIRE conversation with your BF about your birthday plans should have taken place using the spoken word, NOT text. It's passive-aggressive and leaves way too much room for miscommunication.
Author silentcharon Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 I'll tell you what the problem is: Your ENTIRE conversation with your BF about your birthday plans should have taken place using the spoken word, NOT text. It's passive-aggressive and leaves way too much room for miscommunication. It's not exactly like I can help it since I'm hearing impaired. I use texts and emails to communciate with people. It was quite clear about what was planned, my problem is that what should I do, call him and pester him till he gives me an answer of what his problem is, or just wait for him to come to me?
KittenMoon Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Oh no SC!!! C'mon! Geez! I can't even find words! M-F-ing MEN!!!!!!
Author silentcharon Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Yeah. F'ing men. I finally got fed up with the silence, so I called him using relay, and we agreed to meet online. He broke up with me yesterday, saying things along the lines of how many little things adding up, that made him feel that we couldn't take the next step into the relationship. I asked him bluntly if he just couldn't commit, and he said yes. Then I asked, "If that was the issue, why did we even get into a relationship to begin with?" "I don't know." I'm somewhat upset, but at least, I have to give him credit, for being honest, and not letting it drag out. But jeez, if people can't commit, why even get into relationships in the first place? All it does is cause pain that can be avoided. I'm pissed off.
KittenMoon Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Yeah. F'ing men. I finally got fed up with the silence, so I called him using relay, and we agreed to meet online. He broke up with me yesterday, saying things along the lines of how many little things adding up, that made him feel that we couldn't take the next step into the relationship. I asked him bluntly if he just couldn't commit, and he said yes. Then I asked, "If that was the issue, why did we even get into a relationship to begin with?" "I don't know." I'm somewhat upset, but at least, I have to give him credit, for being honest, and not letting it drag out. But jeez, if people can't commit, why even get into relationships in the first place? All it does is cause pain that can be avoided. I'm pissed off. Kinda makes you wonder about his number now, huh SC? I wonder how many other girls got that line... I am so becoming a lesbian.
Island Girl Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 The immediate clue is the false crap about "being dishonest with him". In your first post SC, as you explained it, you had done nothing of the sort. It is the usual "find a reason to break it off because it doesn't seem like there ever will be a REAL one" Yes, the Terrified To Commit DO this ALL the time. I've done it too. Now, of course I feel badly about it - but I am just saying men aren't the only ones. It just sucks. I know it. So I think lesbians are capable of the same... You were too good. He couldn't see any reason or anything you would ever do that would end it. That leads to thinking about permanence and that is what scares those that can't commit. Just think of it this way - you were too good for him. And he doesn't get any credit for finally coming clean. He should have done that to begin with. Maybe he's learned that. I'll admit it took me a little while to learn that lesson too.
Author silentcharon Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Kinda makes you wonder about his number now, huh SC? I wonder how many other girls got that line... I am so becoming a lesbian. Lol. Probably, though he did say the majority were one night stands. It never really bothered me, but I wouldn't be surprised if that's the case, of which you are implying. Ugh. He lost a great catch anyway. I'm not letting it deter me. I wonder how dangerous my attitude is, the "f-it" attitude right now. I don't give a rat's ass anymore.
KittenMoon Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 Lol. Probably, though he did say the majority were one night stands. They were great for a night. You were great for 2 months. And then whatever compels him to do what he did kicked in, and I'm 100% sure it kicked in many, many times before. I think Island Girl had it right when she said he probably couldn't find any reason you'd end it- you were too good. Whatever is up with him, he must not be able to deal with anything that good.
Author silentcharon Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 Probably. But it still pisses me off. I thought everything was fine. I'm pissed off that we didn't even give it a chance. Whatever. I got an email in my college account, there's a party goin on tonight, so I'm heading out tonight. It was my birthday on the 1st, and I've had a rotten weekend so far. I refuse to sit around and mope over this guy. My ex broke up with me three days after my bday last year, and now the guy broke up with me the day after. F-it! I'm going to go out and have a good time. IslandGirl, thanks for the info, I'll definitely keep that in mind for the next guy. I just f-ing hate men right now.
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