RocketMan2 Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 A slightly better day today than yesterday at least But it would have been our 18 month anniversairy tomorrow, so i know im going to be very down. I am already thinking about it. I keep thinking what extravagent gesture of apology shes going to make. She isnt though I think my problem lies in that I can't accept its over. I just can't understand how she could go from 'perfectly happy' to being 100% sure that she wants nothing more to do with me, in a heartbeat. I know realistically that she didnt make it in a heartbeat, so how could she cover up her turmoil SO WELL? Its the not understanding. There isnt anything in the world that i dont understand (that i m interested in) apart from this. I don't know how to let it go. Why didn't she involve me in the decision? Why wasnt she prepared to disguss our issues? She said she knew i'd change everything she asked, but wouldnt give me another chance. What does that mean? It obviously means that shes got some alterior motive, like someone else. She loves me, but doesnt feel in love. wtf woman talk to me about it! I want her company back yes, but i know i dont necesarilly want HER back. I miss the company and closeness so terribly. Its closure, thats what i want. I've read all the threads about closure trust me, and i know asking her isnt going to have any positive result. I dont want to speak to her about it. Im not tempted to break NC. I dont want to see her. I just wish i understood. I've been following lots of others' theads who started their struggle at the same time as me and you all seem to be doing so much better than me I really wish I could just forget about her. Ive been trying Cali's WHO? approach and i can see that it would work, but i just dont think im ready to do it. In a way, i enjoy being sad about this. Maybe im just attention seeking for sympathy? Im not doing that purposely, but who knows? I've tried everything else, so i think tonight after work, im going to have my last cry, then man up and stick to WHO?? for as long as possible. I hope that helps me. I dont know how to deal with my feelings at all I need to sort myself out, i cant carry on like this. Im not getting any better. FORWARD! Rocket
KittenMoon Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 She said she knew i'd change everything she asked, but wouldnt give me another chance. What does that mean? It obviously means that shes got some alterior motive, like someone else. She loves me, but doesnt feel in love. Someday you will be thankful for this. Thankful she drew the line. Thankful you didn't hear things like "I definitely think we have a chance someday". Thankful for no amiguous actions or emails in the months ahead. Thankful that if you see her again, she won't act like she misses you, or tear up being around you. Thankful because she really said its over forever. In the long term, this will be a great blessing.
tanbark813 Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 You need Dr. Tanbark's patented break-up remedy: 1. Rent or buy Swingers to watch with #2. 2. Your favorite liquor or beer.
justagirlforever Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I think my problem lies in that I can't accept its over. Without a doubt. It obviously means that shes got some alterior motive, like someone else. No of course not. Just because she doesn't want a relationship with you, doesn't mean there's someone else in the background. She loves me, but doesnt feel in love. Completely possible. To love someone as a friend but not as a life partner. I want her company back yes, but i know i dont necesarilly want HER back. So you don't want her back? Then why can't you get over her and why would you even want to understand her reasons. I don't understand.....
Kamille Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Someday you will be thankful for this. Thankful she drew the line. Thankful you didn't hear things like "I definitely think we have a chance someday". Thankful for no amiguous actions or emails in the months ahead. Thankful that if you see her again, she won't act like she misses you, or tear up being around you. Thankful because she really said its over forever. In the long term, this will be a great blessing. That's so very true. You know Rocket, I think you're right. One of the reasons some of us take longer then others to get over our exes is because being sad about them is a way of hanging on to them. So you know this will be a tough day. May i suggest, before renting swingers, that you hit the gym for a good workout?
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 So you don't want her back? Then why can't you get over her and why would you even want to understand her reasons. I don't understand..... Neither do I!!!! but thats how i feel I want to go out with the person i thought i was going out with. But they dont exist. It was just a guise. Maybe thats what i cant accept. Its like grieving a death. I can't have my ex back because she doesnt exist (not that she ever did, i just thought she did). She was this horrible person all along, i just never saw it. Rocket
CaliGuy Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 A slightly better day today than yesterday at least But it would have been our 18 month anniversairy tomorrow, so i know im going to be very down. I am already thinking about it. I keep thinking what extravagent gesture of apology shes going to make. She isnt though Gotta put those dates out of your mind. They are in the past and have no reason to be in your present or future. I think my problem lies in that I can't accept its over. That is your biggest problem. You need to accept that it is what it is and you can either wallow around in pity or you can pick yourself up by the bootstraps and enjoy life. As long as you are allowing yourself to be miserable she has complete power over you and you will be helpless. If you want that control back, you have to take it back from her. It starts with letting go of things you can not control, like the past. I just can't understand how she could go from 'perfectly happy' to being 100% sure that she wants nothing more to do with me, in a heartbeat. I know realistically that she didnt make it in a heartbeat, so how could she cover up her turmoil SO WELL? Like I said, she checked out of the relationship well before ending it. The red flags were there, we just tend to ignore them. Its the not understanding. There isnt anything in the world that i dont understand (that i m interested in) apart from this. I don't know how to let it go. You'll learn to let it go when you accept that it's done and over with and you can not change the past. That's the sad thing about living in the past. You are helpless to change it and you are allowing the past to control your present and future. Not a winning situation. Why didn't she involve me in the decision? Why wasnt she prepared to disguss our issues? It wasn't your decision to make for her. She made the decision she felt was best for her. You have to accept that and now make the best of the situation you are in. Use this newfound freedom to dive into new hobbies, hang out with friends, work on your education, futher your career and yes, even hang out with women. Don't date, just hang out and have fun and get reaquainted with the opposite sex. It'll be good for you. She said she knew i'd change everything she asked, but wouldnt give me another chance. What does that mean? It obviously means that shes got some alterior motive, like someone else. She loves me, but doesnt feel in love. wtf woman talk to me about it! It means she has someone else in mind that she is more interested in pursuing. It also means that if she knows you'd change for her, she kind of sees you as a doormat, unfortunately. I want her company back yes, but i know i dont necesarilly want HER back. I miss the company and closeness so terribly. Its closure, thats what i want. I've read all the threads about closure trust me, and i know asking her isnt going to have any positive result. I dont want to speak to her about it. Im not tempted to break NC. I dont want to see her. I just wish i understood. Closure is what you make of it. It's done and over with. You're missing the companionship which is why I think you need to hang out with friends and family or hang out and go to dinner with girls. It'll be good for you to get out. The longer you stay tied up like a recluse the more your social skills suffer. I've been following lots of others' theads who started their struggle at the same time as me and you all seem to be doing so much better than me I really wish I could just forget about her. Ive been trying Cali's WHO? approach and i can see that it would work, but i just dont think im ready to do it. In a way, i enjoy being sad about this. Maybe im just attention seeking for sympathy? Im not doing that purposely, but who knows? I've tried everything else, so i think tonight after work, im going to have my last cry, then man up and stick to WHO?? for as long as possible. It's not that one is doing better than anyone else. It's when you decide you don't want to wallow around in misery any longer. Eventually you'll get tired of it and start to dig yourself out of the hole. Maybe you just need to hit rock bottom first? I dunno. I've been there so I understand how you feel. What keeps me going is working on making my life so completely happy being single that I don't need anyone else in it. It's probably when I am at the peak of happiness that I'll meet Ms. Right. I probably have for all I know. Also remember the longer you are upset over this breakup, the longer it's going to take you to meet someone who is better for you. Every interaction you have with a woman could lead you to her but you won't find her if you're stuck in depression over your ex. I know. I can't tell you how upset at myself I am for not getting over my ex sooner. I very well could have missed out on Ms Right in the process of grieving. I hope that helps me. I dont know how to deal with my feelings at all I need to sort myself out, i cant carry on like this. Im not getting any better. FORWARD! Like I said, until you're tired of feeling like crap, you won't heal. You may even subconciously enjoy feeling sorry for yourself. When I realized I was doing that it was a big wakeup call for me. Also, go play World of Warcraft. You'll forget about your ex in no time. haha. Ex's?!?!?! Who?! Cheers.
guin_girl Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 She said she knew i'd change everything she asked, but wouldnt give me another chance. What does that mean? It obviously means that shes got some alterior motive, like someone else. She loves me, but doesnt feel in love. wtf woman talk to me about it! RM2.. I have been reading all of your threads and first off, I would like to say that I hope I find someone who has the capacity to love someone like you do... it gives me hope But you shouldn't have to change the person you are for someone to love you... that's just wrong, not that we don't all think of doing it at someone point to hold onto the wrong person! But the thing is, the person that you are, is the person that they fell for... why would they want to change that? Why would you want to change that? We should be loved for the person that we are, not a mold of what they want. I'm sorry that you are hurting, but I do see changes in your threads and you are progressing, even if you don't see it yourself. each person grieves in their own way at their own pace. Hang in there, we are here for you.
guin_girl Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 You need Dr. Tanbark's patented break-up remedy: 1. Rent or buy Swingers to watch with #2. 2. Your favorite liquor or beer. awesome movie... LOVE the part where he's trying to leave the phone message(s)
Author RocketMan2 Posted February 11, 2007 Author Posted February 11, 2007 Ex's?!?!?! Who?! Cheers. RM2.. I have been reading all of your threads and first off, I would like to say that I hope I find someone who has the capacity to love someone like you do... it gives me hope Hey guys thanks for the responses! Thats a really nice thing to say guin_girl, thanks Sorry i didnt reply to this thread earlier, it got lost in my CP :s Rocket
shockandawed Posted February 12, 2007 Posted February 12, 2007 You need Dr. Tanbark's patented break-up remedy: 1. Rent or buy Swingers to watch with #2. 2. Your favorite liquor or beer. After a quick trip to the video store, I sat down last night with a bottle of Cabernet and watched this movie. Great flick and dead on advice. Anyone who is going through a break up will relate to this. I too loved the phone message scene. Rocket, you gotta see this.
tanbark813 Posted February 13, 2007 Posted February 13, 2007 After a quick trip to the video store, I sat down last night with a bottle of Cabernet and watched this movie. Great flick and dead on advice. Anyone who is going through a break up will relate to this. I too loved the phone message scene. Rocket, you gotta see this. Sweet, an endorsement.
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