torranceshipman Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Hi guys, I work quite closely with my xMM (well not MM but he has a long term partner) - we were involved about 6 months and then I ended it for good in early Jan this yr and we have NC outside of work...stupid drama ensued immediately after the split, when he put pressure on me to leave the company (I think his girlfriend may have also found out something, not sure exactly what happened there) - I put his ridiculous demand down to his having a moment of stupid anger/pride/whatever...I did actually resign, and made it clear I would walk away on good terms with the company and hold no grudges - basically because I felt the whole situation had got too untenable for me - but he immediately thought better of his decision to be such a prat, and asked me to reconsider and stay with the company, and that he knew he had been an idiot...so I am still at the company, have a good working relationship with everyone else and really like being here BUT I am looking for advice about how to handle the xMM, as he's making my work life less pleasant. I'm cooler with the situation than him, and would just like to move forward and forget about the stupid stuff that happened, and work together well - but he is much more up and down - sometimes nice, sometimes not...is this hurt pride, or anger...is he on a power trip here, or what? I think he still has some feelings for me as he's never been this involved with another woman before apart from his girlfriend, and he always said (even before getting involved with me) that he really wanted to leave her but was scared about facing up to doing it - but I gave him a deadline and wouldn't wait - maybe he'd have left her (and maybe not!), but I couldn't negotiate on that (it hurt my pride/feelings too much to stay past that point). Well, I know I made the right decision (although it was extremely hard). But...What's the best way to handle this situation? He is quite a controlling guy I think, and I spent years turning him down before we actually got together, so maybe this is a big power trip, knowing he can tell me what to do now? I think he's used to getting his own way!...I think on the whole he is getting better overall, though, with how he is acting at work - so I'd like to negotiate the situation if I can, because I'd like to resolve this in a positive way and stay at the company a long time. Advice appreciated!
frannie Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 He is quite a controlling guy I think, and I spent years turning him down before we actually got together, so maybe this is a big power trip, knowing he can tell me what to do now? I think he's used to getting his own way!...I think on the whole he is getting better overall, though, with how he is acting at work - so I'd like to negotiate the situation if I can, because I'd like to resolve this in a positive way and stay at the company a long time. Have you tried talking to him about what's happened and what you can do to move forward? Surely that's in his own interests as much as yours if you're staying there..? I imagine he's probably feeling like he's lost a lot of face with you, especially after all that stuff he told you about how bad his relationship with his girlfriend is... and then he went and over-reacted when whatever happened happened.
Author torranceshipman Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 You're right...I emaild him this weekend to suggest we call a truce, and that we remember what good friends we were before all this - and try to be friends again and see past all the stupid mistakes that have been made recently out of hurt/hurt pride/anger, etc - I hope he can accept that olive branch and we really can decide not to be petty, admit we've acted stupidly over a lot of things, and not bear any grudges....will let you know what his reaction is! NC outside of work continues to go well-hard, but feels totally like the right decision....
frannie Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 OK! Good luck with that, then... I'm sure if he has as much sense as you obviously do things will work out alright.
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