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Should I confess??


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Posted

My b/f of 1.5 years reunited with an ex at an event 6 months ago and sparks flew. They communicated via email for 3 months afterwards and he saw her briefly at another social event 4 months later (she lives in another country but was in the area). They (he says more she) talked about even starting a life together.

I found their emails about a month ago and confronted him. He said it was over but I wasn't convinced. I called his sister who was at the first event and has known her just as long as he has. She was suprised to hear they had been carrying on. We talked for about 1/2 hour.

 

I told him when everything first blew over I was contemplating contacting the woman since I had her email address. He said it would be over between us if I did.

 

He recently said he had an awkward conversation with his sister recently and it made him wonder if I talked with her about it things. He said if I had he will be very upset and may terminate our relationship. So I have denied it and it sounds like his sister is not admitting to it either.

 

I am so scared! Should I admit to him I talked with her?? Would anyone else here end the relationship if in his shoes??

Posted

He might end the relationship out of the shame and guilt he would experience by other people, especially his family, knowing his mistakes. A lot of men would rather run when they feel guilty or ashamed instead of face it and own up to it. He would feel embarrassed and disrespected.

 

Honestly I wouldn't tell him. The problem is that he cheated. You had to investigate. If he wasn't lying to you then you wouldn't have to investigate, would you? If his sister isn't saying anything then you don't talk either. All it would do is give him something else to focus on other than himself.

Posted
My b/f of 1.5 years reunited with an ex at an event 6 months ago and sparks flew. ,....

 

He cheated. Move on. You think this kind of dishonety will be the last time? He's threatening you because you checked up on him? Sounds like he's got a controlling and abusive personality.

Posted

I suppose, if the rest of the relationship is great, I would look forward, instead of backward. maybe he does feel guilty about the whole thing, and is hoping it will just blow by. how deeply do you feel for this guy?

 

anyway, I don't know how qualified I am to talk abou this, I have been putting up with alot of crap myself, that maybe I shouldn't have!

Posted

You have nothing to be ashamed of for speaking to his sister and getting information about him lying about what he is doing with another woman.

 

You should confront him about his sneaky behavior. So what if he terminates the relationship!

 

If you want to put up with that kind of controlling attitude when he is screwing around, go for it. However, i sure wouldn't.

 

There are other fish in the sea.

Posted

2long hit it on the head there, if it is truly over, and he wants to make up for it, he should be willing to be out in the open, honest about it, and willing to talk, or let you email her. sounds like he is trying to hide more.

your needs are more important here, if he cares about you.

Posted
cg:

 

Good lord! I can't believe some of the responses you've been getting here.

 

Why? It seems all good to me...

Posted

2long is right. Your boyfriend went behind your back and carried on in a romantic way with another woman KNOWING all the while that he was in a committed relationship with YOU. Now, he's blame-shifting, evading responsibility for his choices and making it all about you.

 

You've been with this guy 1.5 years, right? Imagine investing 15 years and having two or three children to think about. :eek:

 

People will treat you how you let them. And if you set a precedent with him that you are willing to tolerate lies and deceit... you'll be seeing more of the same, I guarantee you.

 

This guy has plainly told you through his actions that YOU are not a priority in his life. Is that good enough for you? Don't you deserve better?

 

 

 

My advice to you: Huff, and puff, and blow that little piggy's house down. He better know who he's dealing with when he cheats on YOU. ;)

 

(I mean that figuratively of course... don't do anything that'll get you arrested. :bunny:)

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