DatingQuestions Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Hello, I can't sleep tonight. Need some serious help here. I broke up with my ex bf about three weeks ago because he has some serious issues to work on before I could consider taking him back. We had a short but intense relationship, however he treated me badly toward the end due to his depression. The problem is that we had a very close emotional connection but totally different outlook for life. I value education while he dropped out of college. I have a great career in front of me while he still doesn't know what he wants to do. In general, I feel like I have to be his mother if I chose to stay with him, on top of dealing with his depression. I still had a lot of feelings for him when I decided to break up. We both cried and told each other that we loved one another. I told him that despite my feelings for him, the way we were at the moment would eventually destroy both of us. I told him that he could contact me again in the future when he has become a stronger person. He was very hurt but knew that he had to settle for that. I have been having a really hard time to cope since then. I still have his email password and I can't control myself sometime to check and see what he is up to. I kept thinking and hoping that he is making possible changes to his life so that he will come find me one day soon. I guess I am holding onto hope and it is causing me some really tough times! I wonder what he feels like right now, whether he has gave up on trying and just decided to move on. Can someone help me learn to cope in this situation? Thank you for reading.
bubbalump Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Hey hey, Im sure its very hard for you right now, and im sorry about your breakup, but you did what you felt was best for both of you, so congrats on that. " I told him that he could contact me again in the future when he has become a stronger person." I think that statement gives both of you false hope...and will slow the healing process. It also may cause resentment on his side as you left him while he was depressed and maybe struggling. But its not your problem anymore. While i know its tempting to hack his email and such, really make an effort to stop. It will just slow healing as your thinking about him and putting energy towards him. I know the pain is raw, as the breakup was only 3 weeks ago, but give yourself time totally away from him...and it will get easier. Good luck.
Author DatingQuestions Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 " I told him that he could contact me again in the future when he has become a stronger person." I think that statement gives both of you false hope...and will slow the healing process. It also may cause resentment on his side as you left him while he was depressed and maybe struggling. But its not your problem anymore. How do I get rid of this false hope now that the statement is made? I really wish I didn't say that to him at the end.
KittenMoon Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 How do I get rid of this false hope now that the statement is made? I really wish I didn't say that to him at the end. It's very hard. I have been given so much false hope in the year since my break-up. So many times when it sounded like he was mere inches from coming back to me. Then nothing. If you can, find a way to quell the hope now. Crush it any way you can, even if it feels horrible. Because it will be mush better in the long run.
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