yanks26dmb Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Im new here, so ill start off by saying hello. I used to post here a while ago but have since forgotten my user name, etc..so any how im back, this time on better terms.. To get right to my problem..im graduating college this may, ive been dating this girl for about a year and half now...we are both clearly in love...I go to college on the east coast and am moving to the other side of the country for a job and to experience new things....i want her to come with me (im pretty sure i do) and have expressed this to her... she is weary of leaving the east, and her home and friends, but wants to be with me above all else...my problem is how do I konw asking her to move with me to this new city so far away is the right thing..should I try living on my own first? Just looking for some people to talk to about this..
love4ever Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I think you should try living on your own first. Personally I wouldn't move cross country for somebody I'm dating even if we're in love. Just because your in love doesn't mean you will/should get married. Unless I was engaged with the guy I'm with I wouldn't even consider it. It would be kinda of unfair of you to think that she should pick up her life and move just because your leaving. Is she done school yet? Where is her family at? Also even though you guys are in love your only been dating for a 1 1/2 or so...you might want to try the long distance thing to see exactly how committed you two are.
Author yanks26dmb Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 yeah, thats kinda where we are at now though...weve discussed marriage and what not..and both pretty much have subconciously decided we are right for the other person. both of our families are from the same area. shes graduated school last year and is working back home, although shes not in love with her job and wouldnt mind leaving. Weve kind of been doing the long distance thing so far this year, see each other a little more than every other weekend on average id say....i just am worried about her being back home by herself...shes a real pretty girl and guys rae always hitting on her...i know shes committed to me, but i think it would just be great to be out on the west coast with her..it woul dmake things a lot of fun for us i think..but then i think..ive got some friends from college already out there I can move in with and live it up...im not sure what to do...
nicki Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 You are so lucky to be where you are in life! It's a wonderful and exciting (and sometimes hard) spot to be in....there's so much to look forward to, and so much to leave behind as you move on as an adult. So, how about going alone to CA for a few months and staying with your buddies? Before you go, talk to your girlfriend about coming out and joining you in three or four months....Then it's also her decision about whether or not to move. BUT, I would definitely let her know that you are in it for the long haul with her and want to marry her. Let her know that you are a team, and that the long distance stuff is short term. (Personally, if it were me, I'd only go if I was engaged to you, unless I didn't care about living there single if we broke up.) After you are in CA alone for a few months, it will become clear what the next step is. You may want to enjoy the single life, and that's okay. Even if you left with the intention to have your girlfriend join you, it's okay to change your mind and be on your own. (Be sure to talk to your girlfriend about your thought process along the way.) You must be fair to her and not let her move out there until you know without a doubt that you want to be with her long term. So it seems you might want to go alone and see how you feel once you get there. Good luck and congrats on finishing college this spring!
Author yanks26dmb Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 thanks for the thoughts...its definitely a difficult situation....i think im going to try to do something along the lines of what you were suggesting nicki..i just worry that that isnt best...
IpAncA Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 Does she want to move? Are you afraid of moving with her and then breaking up?
Author yanks26dmb Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 she definitely wants to move..shes contemplating moving down to florida with her friend if she doesnt go with me... im worried about, 1. we break up out there or things are just bad (although i dont forsee that happening) 2. i just turned 23, i have some friends out there already..mabye im afraid of complete commitment with her...3. im going to law school the following fall, not sure where, dont know what she will do then, stay, come with me, etc... its a tough situation...
IpAncA Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 she definitely wants to move..shes contemplating moving down to florida with her friend if she doesnt go with me... im worried about, 1. we break up out there or things are just bad (although i dont forsee that happening) 2. i just turned 23, i have some friends out there already..mabye im afraid of complete commitment with her...3. im going to law school the following fall, not sure where, dont know what she will do then, stay, come with me, etc... its a tough situation... Yeah that is a tough one. I can't tell you what to do but it sounds like you have doubts.
Author yanks26dmb Posted March 19, 2007 Author Posted March 19, 2007 its true, i do have some doubts...but i also have doubts about not going out there with her and ruining what could have been a very good thing...
IpAncA Posted March 19, 2007 Posted March 19, 2007 What about moving there yourself FIRST and seeing how that goes. If your meant to be together then you'll stay together no matter what.
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