Guest Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I am so confused about what to do. I know I want to be with my bf. That he’s who I see by my side down the road but the communication is killing me. I always go out of my way, telling him how I feel about us or issues, yet I can’t even get any feedback from him. I’ve talked to him about this repeatedly…hoping he’d understand and at least try to put in some effort to go out of his way to resolve things, to fix things. I mean there have been times where we can talk things out but something is still wrong. I don’t feel like he respects me, I feel like he’d prefer to lie to me or keep things from me just to prevent a fight…he avoids any issues we have by getting angry or avoiding my calls. So how are we suppose to talk things over and come to decisions together with serious situations, esp. in the future? I don’t feel like he’s supportive of me or that my feelings matter to him. And because of this I have so much anger and resentment towards him. And all these problems I just mentioned go back to not being able to communicate. If we could, I’d feel like I could come to him for support, that he’d at least respect the way I’m feeling instead of avoiding the situation like he could care less. If he’s never going to change the way he deals with things like this why should I continue putting in all this effort to get my needs met…only they aren’t? And the thing that gets me though is he’s not just like this with me. It’s with his parents, anyone who confronts him about something…he doesn’t like confrontation at all. If he’s not going to put in any effort, why should I? Maybe I should just be like him…don’t pursue, suggest, care, listen with anything in this relationship…how great of a relationship would that be???? I just wish he’d be the one for once to call me and pour his heart out about how he feels or writes me out everything he feels…but I’m sure that’ll never happen. I told him it was over last night and he told me don’t be stupid, you’re being dumb…and that I’m always pissy about everything…only I’m not. This is the only thing that upsets me about us and it hurts when he doesn’t seem to comprehend what it takes to be open, to communicate. I literally must have called him 100 times for an hour last night(crazy, I know)…because guess what he did right after I tried to talk to him for over an hour about how we communicate…he avoided my calls and said he was too crabby and wanted to talk tomorrow(today). He can be crabby and not want to talk but I can’t be upset??? He doesn’t care when I cry…he just doesn’t want to deal with any of it as long as it doesn’t have to do with him or us. If he loves me like he says he does then why does he not even try to reassure me, try to mend things like this with me? He’s about to lose me and he for one, doesn’t believe it’ll happen and two, if that was the case why isn’t he trying to hang onto me and make sure I’m happy? So I sent him a text last night after calling him repeatedly telling him “thanks for nothing. At least I know what I mean to you. I don’t know why I try anymore. It’s your turn to go out of your way but something tells me that’ll never happen…” Haven't heard from him yet. I’m not going to call him. I want to see what his next move is. If he doesn’t call me…then I know better. If he does, I won’t answer for a while. I want to make him worry for once. I know it shouldn’t come down to that but someone gave me advice that I never took. Maybe now I should. That advice was to treat him like a kid in a way…not to give in so easily. It’ll either make him come to me or realize what he did hurt me/was wrong and he needs to fix it. Make sense? That wasn’t word for word but somewhere along those lines, but kinda "train" him in a way which sounds silly because you can’t change someone completely but maybe at least he’ll acknowledge the way he is and hopefully realize where I was coming from. I just don’t know if I can stay with someone like this. We’ve been together for over a year now. If I do stay with him, I feel like I’ll have all this anger and resentment towards him and will never feel like I can rely on him emotionally. If I leave I guess I’m just worried it’ll be a mistake. I know I don’t deserve to be treated like this so why do I debate whether I should break up with him or not? I’ve probably talked to him about this at least 5 times over the past year and in some ways it has gotten better and at times we can discuss things but not all the time. It's just times like these that really make me doubt us. And I know I’ll get a lot of different answers but I also know the decision comes down to me and what I’m willing to put up with. Only I’ve put up with it for so long as it is. Could you imagine if I didn’t answer his calls for like 3days??? I’m sure that’d really open his eyes!!! anyways. Any input would be nice.
JCD Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 Communication is very important because like you've said, if you don't have it then you get frustrated with not being able to get your feelings out and solve the problem which will then make you happy. So if he's not communicating he is essentially saying that he doesn't want you to be happy. You need a partner that is down to earth and who will talk to you about anything in an understanding way. You need a mature guy.
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