Motor35 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Can you offer advice on how to get through the beginning of NC? I am on day two and it is SO hard. I just got tired of the lies from someone that was supposed to be one of my dearest friends and decided to end it. Day 1 was so hard. I turned off my cell phone, which makes it easier NOT knowing if he is calling of not. I am assuming NC gets easier after sometime, or am I wrong? Is this going to be the hardest thing I have ever done? Thanks! Hugs
Unbeleivable Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Its hard, it really is all about willpower. I kept my phone away, I took their screen name off my buddy list, and I just tried to keep myself occupied. Watch a movie on my spare time, etc. Go out with friends is good too. Just stay as active as possible. Down time really makes it difficult. I took up seriously working out as well. I go every day, I actually look forward to it because it really, and I mean, really, helps get some tension out. Its been a couple weeks now and I'm starting to feel better. I still think about her every day, but its not to the point that makes me tear anymore or get choked up. So, in summary, go work out, talk to people, and keep occupied. Every week that goes by, it will get easier, but that first week will make-or-break you. Good luck -un
tanbark813 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 First off, don't count the days. Don't think of it as something that you're actively doing for an extended period of time. Think of it as already done and you just won't ever have contact again. Frame of mind is important. It also might help to find something new to occupy your mind. A hobby, TV show on DVD, computer game, working out, whatever...
Author Motor35 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 Thanks for the ideas. I did start a work-out routine which I only feel like sticking to half the time. Doesn't it feel weird to just stop all contact with no explination? Well, not really as if I owe him anything, but it just feels so strange to not say goodbye. How does NC feel to the other person? Do they wonder what happened? Or are they usually pretty quick to figure it out?
Author Motor35 Posted February 1, 2007 Author Posted February 1, 2007 First off, don't count the days. Don't think of it as something that you're actively doing for an extended period of time. Think of it as already done and you just won't ever have contact again. Frame of mind is important. It also might help to find something new to occupy your mind. A hobby, TV show on DVD, computer game, working out, whatever... I DID become very interested in nip/tuck. I've already seen seasons 1,2 and 3. Now waiting for season 4....doesn't come out til September Now I am catching up on Desperate Housewives.
Unbeleivable Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I think it depends on the situation. My relationship ended due to cheating, so it was pretty obvious why I wasn't calling anymore. I even made it clear to her that she hurt me incredibly, that it totally broke trust, and when she asked if we could talk every now and then still, I simply said "About what? What could we possibly talk about?". I eventually told her flat out that I just can't talk to her anymore. Its very strange on both ends to just go no contact. I mean, I go from talking to this person and loving this person for 7.5 years, then boom, find out all this stuff, and now they are out of my life. Its very weird. I guess thats life...
tanbark813 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Doesn't it feel weird to just stop all contact with no explination? Well, not really as if I owe him anything, but it just feels so strange to not say goodbye. How does NC feel to the other person? Do they wonder what happened? Or are they usually pretty quick to figure it out? I don't know. I don't think you should really concern yourself with the answers to those questions. I DID become very interested in nip/tuck. I've already seen seasons 1,2 and 3. Now waiting for season 4....doesn't come out til September Now I am catching up on Desperate Housewives. Lost is another good series for capturing one's attention.
CaliGuy Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Can you offer advice on how to get through the beginning of NC? I am on day two and it is SO hard. I just got tired of the lies from someone that was supposed to be one of my dearest friends and decided to end it. Day 1 was so hard. I turned off my cell phone, which makes it easier NOT knowing if he is calling of not. I am assuming NC gets easier after sometime, or am I wrong? Is this going to be the hardest thing I have ever done? Thanks! Hugs Start playing World of Warcraft. It's the quickest way to alienate everyone in your life.
cityboy Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Start playing World of Warcraft. It's the quickest way to alienate everyone in your life. So very, very true.
Davis Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Hey Motor35. Yes, it gets easier. YOU made the decision to leave. You have to keep reminding yourself that you left because he lies. Is that acceptable? Would you keep a girlfriend that lied to you? No. He has a character flaw. You said he lies, does that mean he cheats or will cheat in the future? You are in a difficult position. But do not start questioning yourself and go backwards. DO NOT break NC. That just puts you back to square 1 and that just makes it worse! Oh! And get your As** to the gym if you like it our not! Everyday!
chryssy83 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 My advice is to be with other people. If you have friends or family who will "babysit" you, then ask if you can tag along when they shop, hang out with them to eat or watch tv, etc. Let them in on the NC plan and get them on board. That way, when you start looking longingly at your cell, those people will tell you to stop it. Maybe I'm just week, but having that accountability helped me a lot. One friend in particular couldn't hang out with me, but she would call periodically and if I brought him up she'd ask if I called him. I would say no, and then she'd tell me what a great job I was doing. I imagine it's like stopping smoking. Stay busy, find people who will hold you accountable, and just hang in there. It will get easier.
Author Motor35 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 Thank you all so much for the support and advice. I try to workout, but it is so cold....I do get out twice a day and walk two miles with my dog, which would be nicer if it weren't so darn cold! Having those great friends around helps. They keep me focused and centered. Friends are the greatest when the sadness sets in and I start questioning myself. I miss one of my oldest friends, but she is married now and I won't bore her with this drama, ya know? I have given myself a two-week mourning period. I promised myself I won't be mopey after two weeks passes. Hopefully I can start a hard-core workout routine then. Thank you again...if you think of anything else to ease the hurt...please send your ideas this way. I want to do the right thing and do this for me, but it is hard sometimes. Thank you
Author Motor35 Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 Start playing World of Warcraft. It's the quickest way to alienate everyone in your life. Is this an XBox game? I think tonight I will dig it out, dust it off and hook it back up. That is a GREAT idea! I haven't played for a couple of years!
CaliGuy Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Is this an XBox game? I think tonight I will dig it out, dust it off and hook it back up. That is a GREAT idea! I haven't played for a couple of years! Nope, PC. Buy world of warcraft then by "burning crusade" Life over as you know it. lol. It's filled up some of my spare time but thankfully does not run my life. Some people I know however are consumed by it. It's pretty laughable.
Guest Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I was married for 2 years, and we was together for 10years.. We had a row one evening, well it wasn't really a row, but he saw his ars* and went to the gym to calm down.. I don't know why but something didn't feel right.. He was due to fly to Germany the next morning for a couple of days and i suddenly felt scared, Why I don't know... I ran upstairs and he had took his passport and his case with him... I felt sick, what the hell was happening.. Anyway I pulled myself together and got in my car and drove to the gym, his car was parked in the carpark and i had a spare key for it, I opened his case and took his passport then sent the coward a text to tell him to come home and explain to me what the hell was happening.. Which he did, stressing work and feeling unsure with where his life was going???? We had amazing sex and i was good wife, He was hard work sometime but I loved him i am pretty laid backso it went over my head. He told me his head was in bits and he was not happy with himself and needed to get away. I could of threw up there and then, Instead I said do what you need to do and he left.. For the next 4 weeks he treated me like Poo. Showing me know respect when he came to collect the children and pushing me to the limit.. everytime he came he had another bomb shell to drop, he used wait for me to react But I never did. I was always happy polite when i saw him and totally respectful too, he did not know what hit him.. When he'd dropped the kids off, i closed the door and sobbed my heart out, it took everything I had to keep the front up.. We have been seperated since last May and he is livin with his PA in NY, Who is a lovely girl and i texted her to wish them well.. I still think of him everyday and I must of drank quite a lot of wine but hey, I'm stilll the same girl I always was... I have always been happy within myself and my husband made me feel happier.. He has been workin in New york for the past 5 months and she is over there too, I have dated recently and its been fun but he still and always will have my heart... He finds it difficult to speak to me, how can you hate or be nasty to someone who's being so understanding.. The O/W on the other hand is extremly paranoid and cant stand it when he calls. I have called twice in the past 2 months he has called 30 times, when i answer the phone I am exactly the same as i have always been towards him, but without the sexual banter.. My situation is a little different he is far away & with someone else. I should point out that on the service he is fun bobby and very confindent, but that really isnt the case at all.. A broken heart takes time to mend, it all depends on you how long it takes, I was a complete mess behind closed doors but i kept it together in front of him and my children. there are loads of ebooks out there and I would recomend the Homer Mcdonald one, (stop your divorce) but please buy a book called being Happy by Andrew Matthews its fun and gives you that extra kick you might need.. Oh CaliGuy, if you are out there, my ex is a WOW freak.LOl.. I even made a character last month and shocked him whilst Playing.. He thought it was amazing.. more brownie points for me. I promise I wont say as much next time, but it does feel pretty good to talk..take care Jillx
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