Are You Kidding Me?! I Hate Life.

[Cossette4]

So I haven't posted for awhile and I've been doing fairly ok, not trying to think a ton about him and the trailer trash scummy girlfriend he started dating/then moved in with within two weeks after we broke off our FIVE YEAR RELATIONSHIP (for an indepth analysis on what an effing psycho he is, you can read my 30-some other posts).

 

So she's got a Myspace and it's pretty trashy and occasionally I check it just to confirm that she's still ridiculously unattractive, skanky, and uneducated. (She also has a "ratemybody" account where she posts naked pictures of herself wrapped in duct-tape and bubble wrap, if you are curious as to just how classy she really is.) Oh, and she's also bisexual and expresses a profound sexual attraction to girls, yet for some reason her and my straight-as-an-arrow Catholic ex-boyfriend are living together. ANYWAYS...

 

So I check the new friend and it's HIM! This just shocks the hell out of me because he was the kind of person who didn't even see the need for an email account, and now he's made this profile?! And so his main picture is his senior pic from highschool (taken 4 years ago) and also the picture he gave to me back then and wrote all these lovey dovey messages on the back, so that immediately pissed me off. But then I look at the pictures section and THEY'VE TAKEN A PROFESSIONAL PHOTO TOGETHER.

 

I can't tell you how creepy it is to see the guy you've dated for over 5 years smiling and cuddling with some nasty tramp in a professional photo, especially when it's the girl he apparently left you for.

 

And what's even grosser, it REALLY looks like an engagement photo. And since they moved in together within 2 weeks, I seriously wouldn't be surprised if he got engaged to her now (when they've been dating for 6 months). And even if they didn't, they are in that cutsey-lovey-dovey stage of getting a professional photo of them as a couple?! WTF.

 

And to top it off, she wrote to him, "I love you sexy." How creepy. Um don't you LIVE TOGETHER? Why must you communicate this way?

 

I know this sounds so lame to be dwelling over, and I'm just going to laugh at how sad and pathetic it is in the long run, but I was seriously like, unable to breathe for like 2 hours and just bawled my eyes out all night.

 

I know I need to NOT look at it b/c I shouldn't care what he does 6 months later, especially when I never ever ever ever have any intention of getting back together with him again. But I guess the reason it truly makes my blood boil is he is HAPPY with THAT. Like, he was able to disrespect and shatter the 5 years we had together to leave me for THAT and 6 months down the road, still has a huge grin on his face?!?!?! That makes me feel so worthless. I want him to feel like he made the biggest mistake of his life---not be taking engagement photos with her and thinking, "What old girlfriend of 5 years? This new girl I'm with is the love of my life! I'm so glad I just shattered that other relationship I had, moved in with this girl 2 weeks later, and am now engaged--my life is great!"

 

Noooo.

[Motor35]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I think I know how you feel....here comes the tough love...

 

MySpace is BAD news! Trust me. Do NOT...repeat with me...do NOT look at their myspace accounts!

I am on day 7 of not spying on myspace. And my mood has greatly improved. Please try it for your own sanity.

[Unbeleivable]

I'm in a similiar situation. My relationship of 7.5 years just ended due to my gf's "relationship on the side". We broke up a couple months ago, and its hard. I'd tell you to stop spying, but I know you'll keep doing it, because I still do it even though I know I shouldn't. It makes things difficult but I think everyone does it in all honesty.

 

When we broke up, all I wanted in the world was for her relationship to fail miserably and have her look back and say "wow, what did I do?" and you know what? It did. We talked last week and she stated how she wasn't going to be with the other person anymore, it was over, a mistake, and she basically wanted to work things out. At last, right? Finally what I wanted right? Wrong. It didn't make me feel any better. In fact, it screwed my head up more.

 

Use this other relationship as motivation for yourself to get out there an start enjoying life for yourself. Obviously this person has zero compassion, so show him zero compassion. Don't even bother yourself with him anymore, try your hardest to put him out of your head, and move on with your own life.

[Davis]

Cossette: of course it is upsetting, even if she is an ugly, trailer trash ho. Of course you're going to wonder "why me?" and "why her?". You're gonna drive yourself crazy. You're not worthless. You know that you cannot judge yourself on the basis of how your ex left or how he is acting. Stop it.

 

Also, you're assuming that something is wrong with you when there's not. It's him. Honestly. What is wrong with HIM that he would want to be with a woman like her? Do you really want a guy like that? Of course this is going to leave you angry and full of disillusionment. Angry about what happened; disillusioned by the fact that he / your relationship was not what you thought. It's all part of the process.

 

You're assuming that they are happy and it is working. You really don't know what is going on behind closed doors. They may not be in "happyville". These quick or rebound relationships usually start out with a bang and often end with lots of battles and an explosion. You should try to read the response Luvtoto sent me on one of my threads, I think it was "3 weeks NC, why does this still bother me" last week. Her ex did the same. He ended up with the other woman, had to file bankruptcy, lost the house and lots more. Her ex was the big loser in the end.

 

The best you can do for yourself is move on!! Stop looking at myspace! That is only like sticking a knife in your side. Do you really like that feeling? That should be enough alone to get you not to look at their sites. Start getting out with your friends, stay very busy and go exercise. It will get better and as you work through the process you will feel better. Promise.

[daphne]

Cossette,

 

Personally, I think you dodged a bullet. You found out what your ex was really made of and I'm surprised you aren't repelled by him. Stop beating yourself up. You deserve a lot better than trash that's attracted to trash. You know this. Start treating yourself that way. Try to figure out where you may have missed the signs. When you start dating, make sure you steer clear of these things. Don't let someone who's unworthy affect your self esteem. Months down the road you'll see that I"m right. It's far worse to lose someone who was totally worthy than someone like your ex.

[Cossette4]

Thanks so much, you guys. It makes me feel so much better when I read stuff like that rather than letting my mind eat me alive.

 

Daphne--I know, that's what everyone says and I'm beginning to believe it. What sucks is I honestly thought he was "worth it" before he did this to me, and even if I wasn't absolutely dead set on marrying him, I felt like he was a "worthwhile person" to know, ya know? And now all of this makes me wonder--was he EVER a worthwhile person? Were maybe the first 4 years of the relationship good and then he changed into a huge douchebag? Regardless, I know I can do a lot better than him. I think what "gets me" is just the betrayal and screwed-up-ness of the situation more than the "Omg, I'll never love anyone as much as him!" feeling.

 

Davis--Yeah, I hope that it is just a rebound thing. It has all the characteristics--totally opposite kind of girl, moving in, claiming to be head over heels in love right away after ending a 5 year relationship, and now possibly engagement!!!! (or at least a pathetic professional photo that looks like an engagement photo). This is like my only hope because rebounds rarely succeed and end up totally screwed up and that's what I want for him after making such a hurtful and disrespectful decision.

 

Unbeleivable--Wow, I'm sorry I think it's so terrible when people do this to people after YEARS of time put into it. I read posts on her about relationships that ended in the "months" time range, and while I still totally feel for them and believe their pain, I just can't help thinking--heey at least it's not YEARS--you are so lucky. So yeah, 7.5 years is huge. Can you tell me more about your story? And more about the "new relationship" and how they acted before it blew up in their faces?

 

Motor--haha I know I HATE MYSPACE. I never had an account because I always found it a tad creepy, and I don't want to look at their trashy pages ever again. (Who knows how long that willpower will last, but hey, I'm gunna try.)

 

 

And finally, GOD I hope they aren't engaged I mean, in a way, I DO because then his parents, his friends, everyone would totally know he went off the deep end. Breaking up with me after 5 years was weird enough to everyone, then moving in with a new girl was even weirder, and if they got engaged, people would know he totally snapped.

 

But then I think gross, how hurtful and sad and humiliating for me. And we have mutual guy friends who I bet would be in the wedding and invited to it and although they've agreed that what he's doing is weird, I'm sure they'd still go and be like "Well, whatever he's our friend and sweet..party!" And that makes me angry

[Tormented]

I know I need to NOT look at it b/c I shouldn't care what he does 6 months later, especially when I never ever ever ever have any intention of getting back together with him again. But I guess the reason it truly makes my blood boil is he is HAPPY with THAT. Like, he was able to disrespect and shatter the 5 years we had together to leave me for THAT and 6 months down the road, still has a huge grin on his face?!?!?! That makes me feel so worthless. I want him to feel like he made the biggest mistake of his life---not be taking engagement photos with her and thinking, "What old girlfriend of 5 years? This new girl I'm with is the love of my life! I'm so glad I just shattered that other relationship I had, moved in with this girl 2 weeks later, and am now engaged--my life is great!"

 

Cossette, you know my story is very familiar to yours. He and I were together for about a year, and the relationship was very intense. Prior to meeting him, he had broken up with a "ex-from-hell" who had shattered his heart horribly. She lied to him, cheated on him, stole from him, then married the guy she was cheating with 2 weeks after she left my ex. It damn near killed him. This is a woman with NO morals, trashy, and a user to top it. She has been married 5 times, and cheated on all 5 husbands. She refuses to work, uses drugs, and really has nothing to offer. If she was knock-down gorgeous, I could understand all this. But she's a far cry from gorgeous!

 

Yet, 3 weeks after our breakup, my ex moved her in and completely turned his back on me. And this about destroyed my heart. This is a woman he SWORE he hated, had no respect for and would NEVER go back to. Yet, there she was...living in his house that he and I worked on together, bringing nothing but herself to offer in return while he supported her. Not to mention that she was still married and this about killed her husband.

 

And like you, I just COULDN'T understand it. WHY would he choose a woman as pathetic as her? I am a woman of integrity....I am a professional, am mindful of my appearance, have a healthy sense of humor, don't lie or cheat, nor do I use others. She, on the other hand, is unemployed, a diagnosed Borderline Personality, will lie and cheat at the drop of a hat, not attractive, uses drugs, and has no morals.

 

Yeah...I know exactly where you're coming from on this.

 

They have since broken up. He threw her out because, in his words, he got "tired of her BS, didn't trust her, and was tired of her sitting around the house not working."

 

He and I have been in contact the past few days. We've had about 5 very long conversations discussing why he did what he did, how it has hurt me, the hell it has put me through, and where we are today.

 

He said there is no excuse for what he did, that he made a "horrible" mistake and there is nothing he can do to make it up to me. He said that he regrets the choice he made, and thought of me everyday. He said he never meant to hurt me and is still in love with me.

 

Although it felt good to hear him say that he regrets what he did, and he still loves me gave me a sense of peace, it also hurt. We both cried and talked about old times...took a walk down memory lane together.

 

But the bottom line is...IT'S OVER. There is absolutley NO way I could go back to him after what he's done. To do so would mean losing every ounce of respect I have for myself and I'm not willing to pay that heavy of price. Not for him, not for anybody.

 

I told him my feelings for him have changed, that I lost respect for him and I could never trust him again. I asked me to at try, that in time he felt I could trust him again. He asked me to at least spend a day with him to see how I felt about him after doing so.

 

I turned him down, telling him that it was too late, too much damage done to ever travel down that path again.

 

Before hanging up, he asked me to call him if I change my mind.

 

Guess who's phone WON'T be ringing?

 

And now, finally...it IS done. I don't plan to call him - ever. Whether he calls me again or not is anybody's guess. But really, there is no point to it. In my mind, it's over. I'm done.

 

I know you want so badly for him to express his regret for what he's done, to ask for another chance so you can have the satisfaction of turning him down.

 

I, too, have spent six months waiting for that chance as well. And now, that chance has presented itself.

 

Has it taken all the pain away? No. In fact, it was very painful talking to him. But I won't lie...it gave me back my power and THAT has helped me to move on.

 

But it did not prove as "healing" as I always thought it would. I've still got some work to do before I'm completely healed from this.

 

What was done to you and I was beyond cruel. Our trust and love was betrayed by one who we deeply loved, who we placed our deepest trust in...who we planned to spend our lives with.

 

And they used our love as a weapon against us. And THAT is unforgiveable.

 

In time, it will begin to fade, Cossette. Not quickly, maybe not even entirely, but it WILL lessen.

 

Just know that there are those of us out here who are going through EXACTLY what you are and share your pain.

 

((((Cossette))))

 

~T~

[kel30]

Sorry to hear your story

I just wanted to say that since MySpace turned popular, it has become a total nightmare! At least for me! We end up checking things we would be better off not checking and torturing ourselves!

 

I am so upset at that website right now that I wish they would just disappear!

[Cossette4]

Tormented,

 

Thanks so much for the support. I KNOW--Our stories are SO similar. Why do classy people like us have to put up with these Jerry Springer charades?

 

Since I composed my "I Hate Life" thread, I really got to thinking about how sick I am of worrying over this. It's still really hard b/c this situation is constantly on my mind, but since Feb. 2, I've decided that everytime it comes into my head, instead of just getting overwhelmed by it, I'm tackling it and proving to myself how it is NOT the end of the world and my life will go on no matter what he and skankface decide to do with their lives.

 

For the past 6.5 months, I've just made this "thing" my entire life and I felt like I only existed to think about it. Now, I still feel like it's all I think about, but I'm trying really hard to change that. I hope it's a good strategy.

 

My mom gave me this psychology book by Dr. Albert Ellis about rational-emotive therapy. I think I remember you saying you were in the psych field so I'm sure you are aware, but it's sort of helped me classify everything that's going on as merely "unfortunate" but not "horrible! terrible! awful!" I think it's really true that the certain way you think about stuff determines your feelings.

 

I still wake up in the middle of the night with this gross pit in my stomach, b/c I think I'm on "default mode" to believe this situation is just soooo terrible, and then I refuse to go back to sleep until I rationally tell myself how it is NOT sooo terrible.

 

I'm setting August 15 as my goal date for the day when the "terrible" mode is no longer my "default mode." That's because this thing happened to me July 15th and I spent 6.5 months feeling like I was going to die, so I'm giving myself another 6.5 months to remember how OK it will be for me to live.

 

In other news, I'm happy to see your situation has finally come to a close, especially with you getting the power back (so awesome! Even though I know I'll survive no matter what, man, that would be awesome to see this all blow up in his face ). You totally made the right decision by saying "No" to him. I think you'll be so happy in the future because of it. I can already tell I'll be so much better off without putting up with my ex-boyfriend's issues (even the ones he had before all this happened).

 

INTERNET HUGS!

 

~Cossette <--What IS this? I like it.

[Cossette4]

Kel, yeah you're telling me! That site needs to go up in flames. I have told myself I'm NOT going to check it anymore b/c it ends up bringing me more pain and less "real" answers. It's only shown me just how sad, pathetic, and skanky those two really are. I mean, they LIVE together, yet they constantly communicate through Myspace to tell each other profund messages like "Love you Sexy" and "You're Hot."

 

Wow. Their relationship seems incredibly deep. I'm SURE it will last.

[Island Girl]

I mean, they LIVE together, yet they constantly communicate through Myspace to tell each other profund messages like "Love you Sexy" and "You're Hot."

 

Wow. Their relationship seems incredibly deep. I'm SURE it will last.

 

It's been my experience that if there seems to be some constant need to publicly declare affection it is a shakey relationship.

 

If they are engaged - marriage will be the quickest way to the end -- to the eventual break up.

 

Just steel yourself for that eventuality - the break up - because the first thing he is going to do is try to contact you.

 

Get yourself straight as far as your self-worth and his lack there of so you won't get sucked in.

 

You are soooooo much better off.

 

You spent a long time with this loser. Thank goodness it wasn't one day longer.

 

You deserve better.

[Cossette4]

Thanks

 

I know that in the long run I won't really care if they stay together forever or breakup tomorrow, but secretly I still can't let go of how great it would feel to have this all blow up in his face and I can be there going, "Told you so..sucks you lost your integrity...and me...Later!"