angelbabylk Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Can anyone help me answer some questions...? My boyfriend of 1 1/2ish years broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. We live together, and have a whole life together. We had been seriously talking about marriage before all this happend... The reason he tells me he broke up with me is because of my jealousy, and it's true, he has warned me this could happen, I just never really took him seriously. Now, two weeks later, he has been going to see a girl that lives an hour away from where we live. A couple nights ago he told me he likes her, but he doesn't know if they would ever work out. He also said he doesn't know if it's just because she's such a good friend, like a kind of "like" that will just fade away, or not. So, I decided (stupidly) to stick around and see where it goes... Was that the stupidest thing to do? I'm so confused. I don't want to loose this man, but it seems like I already have. When he is with me, he almost acts like we are still together. I don't know if this is out of habit, or he just doesn't want to let me go in case he decides that he and this girl will not work out. What should I do? Realistly, neither of us can afford to move out. We have a lease that isn't up until June.. and neither of us can afford to pay all the bills here alone. I don't know what to do! Any advice would be great... espically from any men in the 26ish year range... As I'm not sure if this is just something he is going through.
Davis Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Ok. You might be jealous. You'll have to work on that separately. But I do think he used that as an excuse to start dating another girl. Yes, he does want his cake and eat it too. Don't be a fool. DO NOT have sex with him! You're still going to have to do NC. For you that means minimizing contact and time at home. When you're home, go in your room. I hope you have separate rooms! Don't sit around waiting for him. That would be dumb too. Move on with your life. Try to think of him as a brother or room mate. Be indifferent about him (at least in front of him). Get out with your girlfriends, go on some dates. Stay at your girlfriend's houses when you can. If he presses about what is going on, say "I'm moving on with my life". DO not let him string you along with "I'm confused" and "but I really love you" until he finds a girl he really likes and dumps you hard!! You do hard core NC and he either realizes that he has to step up to the plate and does something about it or if he doesn't it's over anyway. Sorry. Good luck.
Reckless Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 ..yeah, what Davis says! I'm not sure you'll be up to it - you don't strike me as tough enough to play hard ball as advised, but believe me, applying the last post to the letter is your ONLY hope.
Author angelbabylk Posted February 2, 2007 Author Posted February 2, 2007 Thank you for the adive Davis... I'm sure that will be hard for me, as reckless said, I'm not that tough. I'll try though.. Last night I left and went to stay at my mothers, when I came home today to get some cloths we talked for a minute. I asked him if this is what he really wanted, and he said he didnt know. He says he just can't deal with the drama anymore, which I'll agree with that. I do bitch, yell, and accuse him (i know, i know) of things he isn't doing. He says on the days where I don't bitch at him and yell at him, he sees me as more than 'just a friend'. He said on those days nobody else ever crosses his mind. What he wants me to do is work on the drama and jealousy, as lately I've had a HUGE problem with that. The more I'm trying to work on just keeping my mouth shut about it, the more it comes out.
Davis Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 You're probably tougher than you think. Hey! NC also means that you do not talk about the "relationship" if you do talk. You should not have asked if it is what he really wants. Not part of NC either. Stop that. You're suppose to try to act happy and indifferent! Ok, so you have some jealousy issues. If they're unfounded (is that what your intuition tells you?), that usually means you have some insecurity and low self-esteem issues. Unless you experienced some major loss in your life, then that can be an issue too. He did say that even on your good days he sees you only a friend. So even if you change, he's saying it's not going to work. Hang in there girl! Stop being a drama Queen. I bet if he told you he could have you jailed for Stalking or threatening behavior, you could chose to not act the way that you do. True? If the fire gets hot enough, you pull your hand away, right? My point is you probably can control your behavior. If you truly do want to act that way and continue the drama, you can choose to not go down that road any more. Good luck, you'll be ok.
jusified Posted February 3, 2007 Posted February 3, 2007 I think its natural for people to be jealous. But its how you handle it and what the situation is. Him dating noter girl is something you should be upset about and cut him loose kind of situation. As to age?? maybe in general people in their early/mid 20s want to play the field, but if he truely loved you this would not happen. I know i certainly would not put my grlfriend through this kind of hurt. I don't think you are been unreasonable or jealous. Don't worry, there will be better guys out there.
Author angelbabylk Posted February 3, 2007 Author Posted February 3, 2007 Thank you for the feedback all.. On the good days he sees me as more than a friend. That's, at least, what he tells me. I know I can sit here and say right now I'll leave, but it takes more than that. My thinking keeps going back to the whole 'what if' kinda thing. As of right now, we are not dating, but living in the same house. It's weird though, because when I am not bitching at him he treats me like gold. He never outright says 'let's be us again' but he hugs me and asks me to go places with him (he never does that). I don't understand... if he doesn't love me or care about me anymore, then why on the good days does he still look at me like I'm the only one he's ever wanted?
Author angelbabylk Posted February 10, 2007 Author Posted February 10, 2007 I moved out everyone. Thanks for all advice. Right now we are in that "maybe we can make it work, maybe good as friends, maybe nothing at all" kinda stage.
Pink Amulet Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 That is a horrible stage. I would sweep up every remaining bit of pride, self respect and strength and cut all ties. You will look back on that day as a testament to your character.
jasmine32 Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 Hi, I think you should try to make him jealous as well and see how that goes. He might find he doesn't like the idea of you finding someone else for yourself. I've done this before. Guys want to be kings and don't like replacements.
Davis Posted February 10, 2007 Posted February 10, 2007 I moved out everyone. Thanks for all advice. Right now we are in that "maybe we can make it work, maybe good as friends, maybe nothing at all" kinda stage. Angel: good for you that you moved out!! I have to agree with Pink, you should cut all ties and go NC for your own emotional well being. That "limbo" stage is not good at all. To me that just means he feels too guilty to cut ties and or wants to let you down slow. Not you cannot be "just friends" at this point. It's all just prolonging the inevitable and you will continue to get hurt. I don't think making him jealous will make any difference in your situation. It may make him jump back to you, but only temporarily and for the wrong reasons. Sorry, but you have to break clean and move on. You will be fine!!
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