I love my boyfriend, but I think I want to date new people

[daterhater]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. We are best friends. I love him. He loves me. We have some disagreements every now and then, but we're very comfortable with eachother.

 

Lately I have been feeling really stuck. I'm 24. He's 25. The majority of our close friends are engaged or married. We both talk about how crazy we think it is and how neither of us want to be married (yet). I think my boyfriend could very well be the man I end up married to some day, but I don't feel I've lived enough/experienced enough to be fully comfortable in this relationship now. I don't want this to be it even if I do think I'd want to marry him some day. I've been really on edge lately because I'm just not ready to have the kind of relationship we're having now. I don't want him to meet my family yet. I don't want to be this serious yet. I want to meet new guys. I want to kiss new guys. I want to see what it's like to be with other guys. But I feel like I can't because if I do, I ruin things with us.

 

I'm 24 and this is only my second boyfriend. I wonder what else is out there?

 

Now here's a short story...

 

My boyfriend has a 33 year old friend who is an amazingly handsome, intelligent SINGLE man. Last weekend I had a chance to talk to him for several hours because we all met at a bar and my boyfriend abandoned me (no surprise) to go play pool in the other room. I was flattered that out of all tthe people there, the 33 year old chose to stay and talk to me. This is after I couldn't even get my boyfriend to sit for longer than 2 minutes next to me. I had the best night in a really long time. We had so much to talk about even though we're such total opposites. I'm kind of artsy and shy. He's a confident business owner. This guy is usually unaffected by girls, but I thought I brought out a side in him I'd never seen. I made him smile and blush. We really REALLY hit it off. At one point in the night, I left to play some music on the jute box. WHen I turned around, our eyes met from across the room and it was MAGICAL. when he saw that i was going to come back over and sit with him instead of the 20 or so other people i knew that night, he seemed so happy.

 

then we talked for a couple more hours til it was time to go.

i wanted to kiss him so badly.

he ended up crashing on my boyfriend's couch, while i slept in bed with my boyfriend. secretly all i wanted to do was slide in next to him on the couch.

 

but i didn't.

because i'm not single.

 

sigh.

 

i can't stop thinking about him. i know it's wrong to feel this way about my boyfriend's close friend, but i can't help it. i haven't felt this alive in a while.

 

 

HOPEFULLY THIS IS THE RIGHT PLACE TO ASK FOR ADVICE.

[Lauriebell82]

i think u miss the new and exciting part of just meeting someone. when u've been in a relationship for a long time u start to feel comfortable and miss the rush u get when u meet somone ur real attracted to.

 

i think maybe u need to tell ur bf that u need a break or some time apart. im sure u love ur bf, but if it was that forever kind of love than u wouldnt have a crush on his friend. talk to ur bf cause it is not fair to be thinking about someone else.

 

also: i dont think if u do break up with ur bf u should go for his friend. that is way too cruel and too messy and if u ever want to get back with him ur chance will be ruined. do what u think it right, but DON'T CHEAT ON HIM. that is just stupid and immature and if u are really as unhappy as u say u are than ask ur bf if u can have a break. yes he'll be hurt, but its not fair to either him or u to pretend nothing is wrong.

[daterhater]

i think u miss the new and exciting part of just meeting someone. when u've been in a relationship for a long time u start to feel comfortable and miss the rush u get when u meet somone ur real attracted to.

 

i think maybe u need to tell ur bf that u need a break or some time apart. im sure u love ur bf, but if it was that forever kind of love than u wouldnt have a crush on his friend. talk to ur bf cause it is not fair to be thinking about someone else.

 

also: i dont think if u do break up with ur bf u should go for his friend. that is way too cruel and too messy and if u ever want to get back with him ur chance will be ruined. do what u think it right, but DON'T CHEAT ON HIM. that is just stupid and immature and if u are really as unhappy as u say u are than ask ur bf if u can have a break. yes he'll be hurt, but its not fair to either him or u to pretend nothing is wrong.

 

 

Yeah, I do miss the exciting part of meeting someone new and feeling mutual attraction with them. i would never, EVER, EVER in a million years cheat on him. at the same time, i feel like **** that i'm even thinking about other guys. do people who are truly in love not get crushes on other people? i don't think it's normal to have a week go by and still be having strong feelings for his friend while pretending (to my boyfriend) everything is okay. i love my boyfriend with all my heart and losing him would tear me apart, yet at the same time i want to feel 100% confident in our relationship and stop having feelings for other guys.

 

i've thought about what would happen if i broke up with my boyfriend and tried to go after the 33 year old. just out of curiousity. i don't know if him and my boyfriend are close enough to where the friend wouldn't go for me. they only see eachother once a month. my boyfriend has so many friends too. what would one less hurt???????

[daterhater]

also, in a way i do not think it is about this friend i have a crush on.

 

i think it's just a clue that maybe i'm not ready to be with him. maybe i'm too immature. maybe i'm too scared. maybe i don't realize what a catch i really do have. maybe i don't appreciate him as much as i should.

[IpAncA]

It's understandable that you want to see other people and it sounds like you've run your course with this guy for the moment. IMO I don't think it's fair to put him on hold to see what else is there. If you feel you need to break up with him then he needs to know so he also can date.

 

i love my boyfriend with all my heart and losing him would tear me apart, yet at the same time i want to feel 100% confident in our relationship and stop having feelings for other guys.

 

You can not be in a relationship with someone if you have feeling for other people. If your not ready for this type of a commitment then your not.

 

I would suggest that you don't date his friend and find someone else.

[daterhater]

You put that pretty well. The running my course thing. We have run our course. But if we stayed together another year, it would feel like I'm stalling. I should either be happy and in love with this guy and knowing marriage will happen eventually OR I should be single.

 

But if I break up with him to see what else is out t here, he won't take me back. What guy is going to be like, "Oh, sure. Yeah I'll let you date other people until you realize I am the best." None. If I break up with him, I'll lose him forever.

 

It's understandable that you want to see other people and it sounds like you've run your course with this guy for the moment. IMO I don't think it's fair to put him on hold to see what else is there. If you feel you need to break up with him then he needs to know so he also can date.

[IpAncA]

You put that pretty well. The running my course thing. We have run our course. But if we stayed together another year, it would feel like I'm stalling. I should either be happy and in love with this guy and knowing marriage will happen eventually OR I should be single.

 

But if I break up with him to see what else is out t here, he won't take me back. What guy is going to be like, "Oh, sure. Yeah I'll let you date other people until you realize I am the best." None. If I break up with him, I'll lose him forever.

 

No one wants to be second pick. I would feel the same way.

How would you feel if someone did that to you? My guess is that you wouldn't like it.

 

Not trying to bash you but if you seek more then what your current relationship has to offer, then it's best to do that now then to find out the hard way and do something you'll regret later.

[Rooster_DAR]

i would never, EVER, EVER in a million years cheat on him

 

Don't ever for a minute believe this can't be you, ask anyone who had cheated and you would be surprised.

[daterhater]

No one wants to be second pick. I would feel the same way.

How would you feel if someone did that to you? My guess is that you wouldn't like it.

 

Not trying to bash you but if you seek more then what your current relationship has to offer, then it's best to do that now then to find out the hard way and do something you'll regret later.

 

 

 

hmm... but what if i am trying to find perfection and he is as close to perfection as i will ever find, but i lose him anyway? i am not sure if there is someone better out there for me. most likely there is not. but, i'm still curious. is curiousity a reason to break up with a guy who loves you?

[daterhater]

Don't ever for a minute believe this can't be you, ask anyone who had cheated and you would be surprised.

 

i would break up with him before cheating on him

[Guest]

my 2 cents

 

my gf would never cheat on me - i know that. but i also know she 'missed out' on her dating years as she had a long term relationship and a child at an early age. and when we met she had just come out of a bad experience with many episodes that constantly changed so i was a relief as i was someone she hadn't experienced before. then i got sick and turned into what she had experienced and that drove her away. and long enuff to see that i have corrected things. however, there is nothing wrong with 'thinking' about living something u missed out on - but the problem with that is u can't go back and redo the past - if u missed out doing the carefree stuff - try doing those things with yer man - and if u truly NEED and WANT to have a taste of the all you can eat buffet - there is nothing wrong with telling yer man that and leaving him - it is yer life. would i want that to happen to me? never. would i fight tooth and nail for her? darn tooting. would she chose that option over me? depends on what's going on in her mind? would we find a way around this? absolutely. do i need to do that? nope. i have all i NEED and WANT wrapped up with her. would i take her back? nope. would she come back afterwards? nope

so, we are stuck with each other forever - rats! lol

[IpAncA]

hmm... but what if i am trying to find perfection and he is as close to perfection as i will ever find, but i lose him anyway? i am not sure if there is someone better out there for me. most likely there is not. but, i'm still curious. is curiousity a reason to break up with a guy who loves you?

 

You tell me.

 

Would you be willing to lose everything you have with this guy just to date some more, kiss other guys, etc...to say you did it?

 

There is something wrong with the relationship if your thinking of other people and want to be with them instead of your bf.

 

Oh BTW there is no such thing as perfection. At least I've never seen it.

[Lauriebell82]

You tell me.

 

Would you be willing to lose everything you have with this guy just to date some more, kiss other guys, etc...to say you did it?

 

There is something wrong with the relationship if your thinking of other people and want to be with them instead of your bf.

 

Oh BTW there is no such thing as perfection. At least I've never seen it.

 

i completely agree. u should want to be with ur bf and only him if u are truly in love with him.

[stevranger]

Hello friend,

 

I agree 100% with everyone who said you should stick with your boyfriend, if you believe that he may be "the one." It is an unpleasant experience for someone to be put on the back burner as "Plan B" just because their partner wants to bone everyone they see in order to check things off of their "To Do" list (no pun intended!).

 

I find it odd that you feel in love with this man, yet you also feel the need to get back in the game. Either you love him and you stay with him, or you don't love him, drop him and go on a dating spree. You say you're seeking perfection, and this boyfriend is the closest person to perfection you can find so you're keeping him around just in case you don't find anyone better. That is a totally messed up viewpoint of your relationship.

 

Cheers,

 

- Steve

[ddnnee]

i am a guy and i think you should break up with your current bf and go for the new. we all know girls always want better and if you do not do this now, you will build up resentment that will just kill your relationship with your boyfriend.

 

it's obvious that you do not feel that spark with your current any longer. it is better you move on and build a nice resume of relationships. your final husband would like an experienced woman.

 

personally for me, a woman with lots of relationship experiences will get them dropped from my list.

[dropdeadlegs]

I find it odd that you feel in love with this man, yet you also feel the need to get back in the game. Either you love him and you stay with him, or you don't love him, drop him and go on a dating spree.

 

This is because she is not in true love. True love does not allow for such feelings. I have been young and have experienced young love, but it is a far cry from real love. I married twice based on young love thoughts and feelings. Neither marriage worked, but the 2nd was closer for me (not for him.)

 

If your feelings persist, leave your BF and pursue real love. It may not hit you until you are older, but it is absolutely worth seeking.

 

Do what you have to do, but keep that one thought with you always. True love is worth pursuing.

[ddnnee]

let me remind you that "True love" only exist in disney movies.

[dropdeadlegs]

I beg to differ. Happily ever after may only exist in movies, but true love, real love absolutely exists. Many people consider deep like, or even lust, to be love until the honeymoon phase fades and they are left with only so-so feelings for the one they claimed to love. "I love you" is spoken within days of meeting someone and is often misused.

[Salicious Crumb]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. We are best friends. I love him. He loves me. We have some disagreements every now and then, but we're very comfortable with eachother.

 

Lately I have been feeling really stuck. I'm 24. He's 25. The majority of our close friends are engaged or married. We both talk about how crazy we think it is and how neither of us want to be married (yet). I think my boyfriend could very well be the man I end up married to some day, but I don't feel I've lived enough/experienced enough to be fully comfortable in this relationship now. I don't want this to be it even if I do think I'd want to marry him some day. I've been really on edge lately because I'm just not ready to have the kind of relationship we're having now. I don't want him to meet my family yet. I don't want to be this serious yet. I want to meet new guys. I want to kiss new guys. I want to see what it's like to be with other guys. But I feel like I can't because if I do, I ruin things with us.

 

I'm 24 and this is only my second boyfriend. I wonder what else is out there?

 

Now here's a short story...

 

My boyfriend has a 33 year old friend who is an amazingly handsome, intelligent SINGLE man. Last weekend I had a chance to talk to him for several hours because we all met at a bar and my boyfriend abandoned me (no surprise) to go play pool in the other room. I was flattered that out of all tthe people there, the 33 year old chose to stay and talk to me. This is after I couldn't even get my boyfriend to sit for longer than 2 minutes next to me. I had the best night in a really long time. We had so much to talk about even though we're such total opposites. I'm kind of artsy and shy. He's a confident business owner. This guy is usually unaffected by girls, but I thought I brought out a side in him I'd never seen. I made him smile and blush. We really REALLY hit it off. At one point in the night, I left to play some music on the jute box. WHen I turned around, our eyes met from across the room and it was MAGICAL. when he saw that i was going to come back over and sit with him instead of the 20 or so other people i knew that night, he seemed so happy.

 

then we talked for a couple more hours til it was time to go.

i wanted to kiss him so badly.

 

Ok..I've heard enough.

 

You say you love your boyfriend?...nah...if you did you wouldn't want to hook up with another guy, much less his friend.

 

Do your boyfriend a favor, break up with him so he can find someone decent.

 

And if this so-called friend was coming on to you, tell him that as well because he doesn't need a backstabbing friend like that....but something tells me he'll find out soon enough when you betray him.

 

Do the decent thing in the midst of not being decent, break up with him so he can move on.

[Salicious Crumb]

i can't stop thinking about him. i know it's wrong to feel this way about my boyfriend's close friend, but i can't help it. i haven't felt this alive in a while.

 

And with that comment you just made, you should never get married.

 

You are the type of person that gets bored with a relationship if it goes on too long. You sound just like all the people who have been married for a while that end up cheating. All marriages calm down and the sparks aren't there as much, but that is what separates the weak from the strong.

 

There are some people that can handle being married to someone and commit to that person for the rest of your life even though things cool off.

 

You are not one of them. Never marry, you won't be satisified with the same person for too long.

[Salicious Crumb]

It's understandable that you want to see other people and it sounds like you've run your course with this guy for the moment.

 

Run her course with this guy for the moment?? Thats a nice way of looking at it.

[Lauriebell82]

i agree..u need to get out of the relationship..u dont REALLY love ur bf, like true love, if ur thinking about another guy let alone his friend! yes the sparks in the beginning fade, but then a deep love and understanding should form and u should be very happy. sounds like ur bored and u better get out of the relationship as soon as possible because its not fair to ur bf. and ur rationalization about ur bf not being good friends with the kid u have a crush on..THATS TOTAL CRAP. ur bf would hate u forever if u did that, and i dont know how u could live with urself dumping ur bf for his friend that u have a crush on. just get out of the relationship before u end up hurting a lot of people.

[westernxer]

...my boyfriend abandoned me (no surprise) to go play pool in the other room.

 

He went to play pool and you say he's abandoning you?

[Pretty Fly]

He went to play pool and you say he's abandoning you?

 

I had the same thought when I read that

[yanks26dmb]

I've been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. We are best friends. I love him. He loves me. We have some disagreements every now and then, but we're very comfortable with eachother.

 

Lately I have been feeling really stuck. I'm 24. He's 25. The majority of our close friends are engaged or married. We both talk about how crazy we think it is and how neither of us want to be married (yet). I think my boyfriend could very well be the man I end up married to some day, but I don't feel I've lived enough/experienced enough to be fully comfortable in this relationship now. I don't want this to be it even if I do think I'd want to marry him some day. I've been really on edge lately because I'm just not ready to have the kind of relationship we're having now. I don't want him to meet my family yet. I don't want to be this serious yet. I want to meet new guys. I want to kiss new guys. I want to see what it's like to be with other guys. But I feel like I can't because if I do, I ruin things with us.

 

I'm 24 and this is only my second boyfriend. I wonder what else is out there?

 

Now here's a short story...

 

My boyfriend has a 33 year old friend who is an amazingly handsome, intelligent SINGLE man. Last weekend I had a chance to talk to him for several hours because we all met at a bar and my boyfriend abandoned me (no surprise) to go play pool in the other room. I was flattered that out of all tthe people there, the 33 year old chose to stay and talk to me. This is after I couldn't even get my boyfriend to sit for longer than 2 minutes next to me. I had the best night in a really long time. We had so much to talk about even though we're such total opposites. I'm kind of artsy and shy. He's a confident business owner. This guy is usually unaffected by girls, but I thought I brought out a side in him I'd never seen. I made him smile and blush. We really REALLY hit it off. At one point in the night, I left to play some music on the jute box. WHen I turned around, our eyes met from across the room and it was MAGICAL. when he saw that i was going to come back over and sit with him instead of the 20 or so other people i knew that night, he seemed so happy.

 

then we talked for a couple more hours til it was time to go.

i wanted to kiss him so badly.

he ended up crashing on my boyfriend's couch, while i slept in bed with my boyfriend. secretly all i wanted to do was slide in next to him on the couch.

 

but i didn't.

because i'm not single.

 

sigh.

 

i can't stop thinking about him. i know it's wrong to feel this way about my boyfriend's close friend, but i can't help it. i haven't felt this alive in a while.

 

 

HOPEFULLY THIS IS THE RIGHT PLACE TO ASK FOR ADVICE.

 

any guy who is going to put the moves on his friends girlfriend, is a piece of ****. if this guy puts the moves on you or allows anything to happen, fully knowing that you are with his buddy....is a dirtbag...you then must ask yourself, why are you going after a dirt bag???