Guest Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I've come to realize that when it comes to the pain of ending a relationship, people can only take so much. We tend to deny that which is too overwhelming for us to deal with. I tend to think that her breaking up with me means that I'm not good enough and that there must be something wrong with me if she doesn't want to be with me anymore. The fact is that we are different. Maybe there was something about the other person that you thought was amazing and irreplaceable and maybe that was true but for most of us that isn't enough. My girlfriend and I were just different and that's what made it so passionate but in order for a relationship to sustain itself you need to have more in common. I remember thinking to myself, we have so much in common when the truth was that we didn't. She was 12 years younger than me. I miss her hugs, her kiss and the way she smelled. All those little details that I normally don't think about mean so much to me now. So what hapened? Well, we triggered eachother in different ways. She kept things from me and I didn't trust her for it. I thought she was the "one" and I would've done anything for her. She made me feel like a million dollars one day and like nothing the next. I never tried so hard to make somthing work out--I wanted it that badly. She never introduced me to her friends although she talked about it--claimed we were never stable enough. She made excuses all the time for her inconsistencies and I built up a resentment because of it. I introduced her to every part of my world and we went on a couple of trips. We were so close. We work together. She cared about work more than I did. I wanted to get to know her, do fun stuff together and just enjoy eachother's company. I've never felt so hurt that now she doesn't even want to be friends. It tells me that either one, she wasn't invested enough in our relationship or two, she has long since moved on. Either way, it's shocking. I saw so much potential in our relationship but it never came to fruition. We used to talk non-stop when we went out for dinner that they had to kick us out of the restaurant. Now, we can't even be in the same room together. Some of you may ask, how long have you gone NC? It's been a few weeks. She's blocked me on IM, I don't run into her at the office and this whole time that we haven't been together (since early November-physically, September-emotionally), I haven't been able to move on. I don't even know if it's possible anymore. The worst thing that ever happenned was when she came into the office and looked at me as if I meant absolutely nothing to her, like she was happy to be apart from me. I can't take it anymore! I've tried to date others and stay busy and go to counselling. And for the most part that has done little good. I want her back but I know it would never work out unless we both changed. I have. Now, it's up to her. The only problem is that she blames me for everything that happened so what's gonna make her want to change? I wish her the best and hope that someday she will see that things could have been different. We could've made eachother happy. If only she would believe it.
notmakingsense Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I have been exactly where you are -- and it is an awful place to be. My ex lacked commitment and wouldn't bring me in to her life as well, and after 3 up-and-down years I had to call it quits because it was eating me up inside. 2 months of separation and 2 weeks of NC is NOTHING! So don't be down on yourself for not having moved past this yet. It would help tremendously if you didn't have to see her at work. You need eliminate all contact so that you have the proper setting in which to heal. Once you have healed a bit, some contact is tolerable, but still not a good idea. Exes have a sixth-sense about us moving on. Once we actually start to move on, they always seem to try to come back to check in on us. If we have done our part correctly, it won't matter if they want us back or not because we have actually moved on and are prepared for a life without them. It also allows us to re-start a relationship on our terms and not succumb once again to the pain of a one-sided relationship. Regarding techniques for moving on: Time is #1, Staying busy, focusing on your friends, family, passions, and things like working out to boost your self esteem are all very important. Casually dating won't work at first because it actually reminds you more of what you are missing. Instead, focus on the things that you believe will make you happy with life without relying on any other person to bring you that happiness. Also, post here as often as you need to -- the support you get here is invaluable.
JCD Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 My suggestion to you is to ignore her unless it's work related and then stay business like. Let her come to you to talk this over with you if she wants. Basically, grow some backbone
D-Lish Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Don't beat yourself up for still being sad. You haven't been in NC for very long. Man, it must suck to run into her at work. It's been five months for me- and I still feel sad about it. The problem is that just because we think things could have been good- doesn't mean they do. It took my ex 3 months to introduce me to his friends. That always bothered me. It's going to take some time- and you will get over it. I hate the desperate feelings that go along with a break up- especially when you want the person back and they're not willing. My ex completely ignored me when we broke up- didn't say a word to me for 5 months. It drove me nuts. I still cry over him sometimes. I have my moments where I relapse. It does get better though. Just hang in there. Dating is a good thing- even though you're not ready to move on with anyone else. It still gets you out of the house and keeps you practiced. Hang in there- and give yourself a break. Healing won't happen overnight. D
Guest Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Don't beat yourself up for still being sad. You haven't been in NC for very long. Man, it must suck to run into her at work. It's been five months for me- and I still feel sad about it. The problem is that just because we think things could have been good- doesn't mean they do. It took my ex 3 months to introduce me to his friends. That always bothered me. It's going to take some time- and you will get over it. I hate the desperate feelings that go along with a break up- especially when you want the person back and they're not willing. My ex completely ignored me when we broke up- didn't say a word to me for 5 months. It drove me nuts. I still cry over him sometimes. I have my moments where I relapse. It does get better though. Just hang in there. Dating is a good thing- even though you're not ready to move on with anyone else. It still gets you out of the house and keeps you practiced. Hang in there- and give yourself a break. Healing won't happen overnight. D babe - this is like a dream - u have no idea how flipping happy i am. i can't believe u ARE coming back home. i can't wait to see u again - u will get the biggest business like hug ever - and in this company - we also give smooochies. i know i have and we have lots to do - but i think we have gotten over the mountain...I WISH U WERE HERE welcome back babe
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