Sup Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I am not an OW or OM, but I think I can give some insights regarding who knows. In my last job, it was important to know who might be having relations with who...coworkers dating can cause problems. Almost twenty years ago...before I was married, I became involved with two different co workers. And I learned firsthand what the pattern usually is. I was amazed at how often it proved true for others. When two people first become interested in each other, they suddenly want to spend time together. They find opportunities to be near each other. They are seen together at breaks. If you observe them, you see looks exchanged. There has been no declaration verbally yet to each other, but they both feel the attraction. Then one of them "breaks the ice" and asks the other out for lunch. First it is one lunch, then another, and then it is every day. Finally during one of those lunches. intimacy is reached and an evening together is planned. They begin dating. If it is an affair, it is done secretly, but it is done. Lunches are still together. Then comes the stage where you know for sure that they are together as a couple. Most likely sexual relations have occurred. They suddenly AVOID looking at each other. Those special looks are avoided. They appear awkward when seen together in public...they are not sure how to act "normal." They may even avoid each other at breaks and lunches. Their purpose is to keep the secret. But for the astute observer, they have given themselves away. I always told supervisors to watch who was going out to lunch together. Keep an eye on them to see if they begin progressing through the stages. If they keep going to lunch with no additional looks, etc., they are probably friends with nothing more. Of course, I had to watch supervisors the same way. This was the most dangerous kind of relationship. I needed to step in as soon as I noticed it...hopefully, to keep it out of the workplace. I have observed this time and time again. So, yes, your observant coworkers probably kow more than they are letting on. It reminds me of Boston Legal of two weeks ago. Allen walks up to Denise and says, "You smell like you have had sex. It smells like...maybe Brad." Now life is not usually so obvious, but clues are always there. For those of us who are looking for them, it is obvious. Has anyone else noticed such obvious stages? James, would you read one of my former Threads? I pretty much ask is this an affair going on, It's one of the few threads I have posted. And YES they are now seemingly avoiding each other, but still sit with each other at breaks. Please let me know what you think of it, Ok?
VinaAmez Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 It's usually everyone except the wife. You guys are foolish for thinking "only my two best friends" know. If one person knows, it's not a secret anymore. If YOU couldn't keep your own secret, why do you think THEY can keep your secret? They also have two best friends who know about the affair. One of them may have told her mother, her mother told her two best friends and they have told everyone. And before you know, the whole town knows, only his wife is still in denial cuz nobody has the guts to tell HER. Then it's not fun anymore, it becomes sad. Besides, men brag about their affairs to their best friends. I've heard men's stories about whom they screwed all the time and these people were not my friends at all. Their girlfriends and wives were clueless. Oh I agree with you and James. To be honest I can't believe what I'm reading in this whole section. Sorry you guys but are you REALLY ok with having an A?
JamesM Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 James, would you read one of my former Threads? I pretty much ask is this an affair going on, It's one of the few threads I have posted. And YES they are now seemingly avoiding each other, but still sit with each other at breaks. Please let me know what you think of it, Ok? I went back an read the thread. I would have to agree with you that it looks suspicious from the way you wrote it. Assuming all it true, then I would say that they are in some sort of relationship. But personally I would need to see them and how they act together to make a conclusive judgment. As for what to do about it, if it was me, I would do nothing until the evidence is so obvious that it cannot be ignored.
VinaAmez Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I hope the both of you get caught. That's usually what happends or so I've seen. How long until the day is unknown. Varies between people.
Sup Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I went back an read the thread. I would have to agree with you that it looks suspicious from the way you wrote it. Assuming all it true, then I would say that they are in some sort of relationship. But personally I would need to see them and how they act together to make a conclusive judgment. As for what to do about it, if it was me, I would do nothing until the evidence is so obvious that it cannot be ignored. Pretty much what I was thinking, not enough evidence, however, like you said, you would have to observe them for awhile. Still, you may not come to a conclusion, in this case, IMO, it's just too hard to tell. Thank You anyway.
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