Depressed :(

[RocketMan2]

Why do I feel so crappy today?

 

I had a date last night, the girl was really great, we got on really well, but I just didnt feel ANYTHING for her. Its depressing because i know if I wasn't so down; I'd have felt like i really connected with her.

 

My ex is on my mind all the time at the moment, i cant get her out. Why am I so hung up on her STILL.

 

Its been a month and a bit now, a week and a half of complete NC, with very low contact before that.

 

I just keep thinking of the great times we had, all the stuff we did together. I know that she wasnt marriage material, but that really doesnt help me cope in any way. She treated me like crap in the relationship, and worse out of it but I still miss her so much.

 

I can't stop checking my phone waiting for a text off her. She used to annoy me texting me so often, now id do anything to get just one.

 

I feel so alone I feel really distant from everyone at the moment, my friends have been good to me, but theres only so much i can ask from them. I've got a really good job (which maybe i underappreciate), but its boring as hell which just depresses me all day long.

 

I really feel stuck in a rut, and theres no light at the end of the tunnel, just a cliff that i'm going to fall off rather soon i fear.

 

 

Rocket

[lonelybird]

Hi, RocketMan2

 

It takes times. Don't worry. One day when you look back, you will look at your dream woman, and think that sad time, you will have a smile, it will be worth in the end.

 

Good thing is you know she treated you bad, and you should not be in that relationship anymore. and it's really not she rejected you, just universe works this way, for your good.

 

 

------------------------

Jesus loves you. Everyone in his eyes is precious. Be brave and don't care others say to you because those who say negative things are really not care about you.

[Am4Real]

RM2,

 

Me too as I enter my third week of NC. The anniversary (if there is such a thing) of the second NC week had me at my lowest point yet, that was yesterday. So, I know exactly where you are.

 

I will not break NC and for me that's what makes it the hardest because it forces acceptance and instinctively this type of acceptance is not natural for any loving human being. I'm not sure about you, but I was taught, practice and believe in forgiveness and although in a love relationship break up we all may forgive, we know that this forgiveness cannot include continued contact or heaven forbid, emotional intimacy with the other person. It is this realization coupled with the loss that I struggle with as well as knowing it almost assured I will never have this person in my life in any way forever that saddens me the most.

On the flip side I have read by many that completing four solid weeks of NC will see things progress and completing eight weeks will have me thinking less of her but not forgotten by any means. So I look forward to feeling better; I continue to write in my journal (I'm now a believer in this self therapeutic release by writing everything down), monitor my new friends in the forum, and work on the advisement from others in the many steps towards healing.

 

RIOBIKINI (wherever you are) made me a believer in first the situation I find myself and secondly myself.

 

Positively, I feel better today than I did yesterday. Please feel the same way too...

 

Am4Real

[RocketMan2]

Positively, I feel better today than I did yesterday. Please feel the same way too...

 

Thanks 4real

 

As much as I want her back (with my heart, not head) I'm not wanting to contact her about it. I have no desire at all to break NC, does that mean anything do you think? I just have nothing to say to her at all.

 

Forgiveness with me is a very strange thing. I dont know if I can easilly forgive, or just forget. I'm willing to forgive, but most of my experiences have ended up as forgetting.

 

My ex did several VERY hurtful things to me during the relationship. These wern't deliberate malicous acts, just inconsiderations. My view is that I'm willing to forgive anyone for pretty much anything (bar deliberate cheating - there is NO excuse for this, at all) provided they give me a worthy, sincere apology, where they identify their mistake and its implications - proving they truly understand. Althought I got aplogies for these incidents (eventually), they weren't up to scratch yet i still accepted them and forgot about them.

 

I know that isnt true forgiveness, thats me being a wussy pushover. Why didnt i stand up for myself? I hate myself for that. I had her on a pedestal thats why.

 

My pain right now is loss, upset at how she screwed me over, and confusion as to how i never saw this side of her - leading to worry about future relationships.

 

I really really miss her

 

Rocket

[Streetspirit]

Rocket,

 

I totally know how you feel. I noticed that with NC, I'll have up days and down days. It may get extreme at times, but it does begin to even out. Just look at it in a week-by-week point of view. I've noticed that every week that passes is better than the previous. It's a healing process, don't forget that. It's great that you're reflecting on what went wrong, because you'll take these lessons and know how to handle yourself better for the next relationship.

 

Don't give in, I know you might really miss her, but I bet it's even worse on her end. When you do make contact with her again, you'll see everything in a different light.

 

Hang in there!

[shockandawed]

Rocket,

 

I understand all of that, you know that.

 

I have had about 4 dates since this crap began. The first 3 all sucked, even though a couple might have gotten a second one under normal circumstances. However, the 4th one, last Friday, was great..

 

Cute, Classy, Funny, Great Job, etc. I think she is really into me which is strange. Well, you know who begins contact. We take daily trips down memory lane which really has me screwed up. So now, all the progress I made on Friday seems wasted. It's as if they really can sense you moving on. Don't worry, I have a 2nd date with her planned Friday. She just sent an email telling me how excited she is. This is a great girl, probably better for me than the ex in every catergory. But here I sit, just checking to see if the ex was online. What a crappy road we are on.

 

I think you are doing better than me with not having any contact. Just hang in there and keep going out. Any shot at a 2nd date with this girl?

[RocketMan2]

I understand all of that, you know that.

 

(smile)

 

Good for you on the date She sounds a catch, I'm sure you'll do well.

 

Any shot at a 2nd date with this girl?

Yeah, definately. She invited me out tonight. She also didnt fail to mention that she'll be wearing a nurses uniform either lol (student nights eh? )

 

I just don't feel ANYTHING for her, but usually id be all over the opportunity. I've completely lost my sex drive Its depressing. I had a nosey round the net the other night for some 'adult' entertainment, but even that didnt excite me That really was a blow to my....manhood? Why am I so uninterested? Is this natural?

 

Im supposed to be going to this party on Saturday, and this other girl will be going, and I know (hope?) we could have something good

 

I think I need to man up before then, to make sure im on form for the weekend!

 

Rocket

[RocketMan2]

Don't give in, I know you might really miss her, but I bet it's even worse on her end.

 

What makes you say that?

 

Rocket

[RocketMan2]

Well she just came online on someone elses account and said

 

"hiya

have you managed to get the rest of my stuff from our friends house?"

 

Blocked her immediately.

 

Reaffirmed that to her its over. I dont know how i feel, it only just happened. At first i was of course like "omg a glimer of hope she said hello" but no lol. She is just too bone idle lazy to go and get her own stuff and thinks im her slave.

 

Am I upset or mad or glad?

 

Upset that she didnt listen to me last time when i told her to get it herself.

Mad that she has the cheek to still try and make me do it for her, wtf am i her slave?

 

I really need to know, is she THIS ignorant, or does she know what shes doing? I can't understand it. How can you have such little clue as to how your actions affect people. Is it possible? She must know. Or does she just not care? What do you guys reckon, just after opinions

 

A bit of a set back, but not too much. I'd actually just get her out my head for the moment lol the bitch.

 

 

Rocketman out....

[whizzle]

 

Don't give in, I know you might really miss her, but I bet it's even worse on her end.

 

Hang in there!

 

How do you come to that conclusion?

[JCD]

I think it's normal to not feel anything for the new girl. That's how it was with me at least. But the more I got to know her the more I felt for her and discovered that she is a great girl. Much better for me I think than my previous fling. I think maturity on both ends has a lot to do with how successful a relationship becomes. So, my advice to you is to date this new girl of yours and get to know her really well and maybe you'll too develop feelings for her and forget about your ex. Hoping is such a bad place to be. I would rather be in a new relationship that is going somewhere.

[shockandawed]

Rocket,

 

Nice job on blocking the b*^ch!!! Beautiful man...more kahoonas than me!!

 

So, she will be wearing a nurses uniform? Hmmm.. The strange thing, this girl who I am planning number 2 with is a Cardiac Nurse. Could be a sign, huh?

 

Just go into with absolutely no expectations. Who knows.. I damn near cancelled the first date with her because it was the night after I blew the N/C thing with the I love you. Anyhow, about an hour into it, I started feeling pretty good about this one.

 

She sent a nice email today letting me know how excited she was about this Friday and some suggestions. I planned the first one so I told her to plan the next one. I ended up calling her tonight and we talked for nearly two hours.

 

Just take it easy again with no expectations other than having a nice evening and making a new friend. I have a feeling the drives and everything else will come back soon enough.

[Am4Real]

She sent a nice email today letting me know how excited she was about this Friday and some suggestions. I planned the first one so I told her to plan the next one. I ended up calling her tonight and we talked for nearly two hours.

 

Just take it easy again with no expectations other than having a nice evening and making a new friend. I have a feeling the drives and everything else will come back soon enough.

 

Shocked,

 

This is excellent news. Congrats!

[RocketMan2]

I feel really crap

 

I got a proper telling off at work today for not being very productive

 

I just can't concentrate on anything but her.

 

I miss her so much. SO much. Everything bad i know about her doesnt even matter in the slightest. I dont care. I just want her back

 

Im thinking about going to see a counsellor, but I cant afford it

 

Im gonna have a breakdown soon i think

 

 

Rocket (needs love)

[cityboy]

Rocket!

 

Step away from the depression pipe, man.

 

Let's do an exercise here. List out the things you hate about the ex, including the horrible things she did to you, how she made you feel, etc. Go ahead. We'll be waiting right here.

[Am4Real]

I feel really crap

 

I got a proper telling off at work today for not being very productive

 

I just can't concentrate on anything but her.

 

I miss her so much. SO much. Everything bad i know about her doesnt even matter in the slightest. I dont care. I just want her back

 

Im thinking about going to see a counsellor, but I cant afford it

 

Im gonna have a breakdown soon i think

 

 

Rocket (needs love)

 

RM2,

 

Please find a way to see a professional about this...you say you cannot afford it, but least of all you cannot afford to lose your job or your health over this. I'm sure the therapist or whoever you decide to seek help from can work something out from a financial perspective for you. What about a crisis center, does your area or country offer anything of that sort. Even if it is over the phone to start.

 

It is important that you have a plan, a direction and not waffle between being okay and depression so regularly. We can try to support you here, but I doubt any of us are professionally trained to help you in the the same way these professionals can. Please....explore these options tomorrow if possible. Okay?

 

Am4Real

 

p.s. Did you start your journal to record your daily feeling and perhaps dividing a 24 hour day into four parts, rank your mood during each of these different periods on a daily basis. For me at least I notice I am at my lowest or worst mood after work while on the way home...have you noticed a similar pattern or do you experience your worst at a different time. Let's talk about this and things we can try to do to compensate for those times. Okay?

[RocketMan2]

• She never took any interest in me, or my hobbies, how my day was etc.
  
• Always made me feel guilty for trying to exercise my rights in the relationship
  
• Never talked to me about her feelings, just bottled stuff up and unleashed it on me in one go
  
• Completely took me for granted. I did everything for that bitch.
  
• Never made an effort in sex, but that just makes me feel sh*t like i wasnt any good or attractive
  
• Never paid for sh*t, I was her personal taxi, always bought her flowers and took her for meals. Grand total expenditure on her part, i think she filled my car up twice in 17 months and bought two or three meals? I didnt mind because shes a poor student and im earning, but its the gesture that counts, if she'd offere'd id have overruled her. But she never did.

I have to get this off my chest too...

 

a week or so before xmas she went out with her work for a party. She rang me up at like 2 am asking if i could pick her up (i'd offered and i was just around the corner). She said she was outside so to come asap!

 

So i did and i cant find her. Im ringing and ringing her for like 20 minutes and she isnt answering. Im going completely out of my mind. This was at the time when there was a serial rapist/murder on the loose as well which only added to my worry! I parked my car on the main road (risking clamping/fines/car being towed) and blagged my way past the bouncers into the posh club she'd been in, searched the entire inside several times. No Luck. At this point im in tears, i actually truly think shes been kidnapped and getting raped in an alleyway. another 10 mins later she answers and is like "where are you?" turns out she'd walked off round the corner somewhere. So i go there, still cant find her, ANOTHER 20 mins go by of her not answering. I finally see her up the road. I get out my car in the middle of the street, door wide open, keys and radio in there and i run up the street and fling my arms around her giving her the massivest hug. She pushes me off and strolls off to the car like nothings wrong. All i got was an "oh sorry i didnt hear my phone".

 

WHAT THE F***!!!!!!

 

She didnt even acknowledge in any way just how worries i was. Maybe it was unfounded yes, but that doesnt excuse her not comforting me. In ANY WAY. I THOUGHT SHE WAS DEAD AND SHE DIDNT EVEN CARE HOW I FELT.

 

Do you have any idea how it feels to think your gf is being raped??? You probably think im overreacting, but to have to wait 40 mins to hear from your gf who your supposed to be getting from a bad part of town asap... you know? She didnt even attempt to understand let alone care.

 

Earlier that night her brother (who she works with and was at the do with) who, lets be quite frank here, isnt the sharpest tool in the box, text me saying she'd seen her dancing with some guy from work all night. I trusted her completely, and while it caused a slight upset, i put it down to him being an idiot.

 

But now all this has happened, its quite clear that she was getting f***ed by him down an alleyway

 

What a bitch. I hate her so much.

 

I HATE YOU K!!!!!

 

 

 

Ill always love her though.

[cityboy]

RM... wow. You and I have gone through some scarily similar things.

 

My ex would also "not hear" her phone when out. She'd come home crazy late hanging out with work friends. Once she came home at 7am and said she "passed out" on a workmate's couch because she was so drunk.

 

She once kissed a guy not only 15 feet from me. She somehow later made that my fault because of some things I had done in the past, something like, "and you wonder why that happened?"

 

She'd get annoyed with me for worrying about her being out crazy late and not calling. This is NYC - I know it's not as bad as it used to be, but c'mon - respect my desire to know you're alright.

 

Look at these lists, RM. These girls are not worth our time.

[RocketMan2]

Please find a way to see a professional about this...

 

Do you really think I need it? I don't know what they'd say to me that I dont already know...Maybe its just the talking that would help....I never been before.

Ive emailed a few places today

 

Did you start your journal to record your daily feeling and perhaps dividing a 24 hour day into four parts, rank your mood during each of these different periods on a daily basis. For me at least I notice I am at my lowest or worst mood after work while on the way home...have you noticed a similar pattern or do you experience your worst at a different time. Let's talk about this and things we can try to do to compensate for those times. Okay?

I didnt, but i meant to, so ill start it 2moro! I can tell you when im most depressed... its when im at work doing BUGGER ALL. Its just such a boring job, theres nothing to do to "take your mind off it".

 

Im starting to think that seeing as i really dont like it there, my boss is starting to get p*ssed off (althought hes been really understanding actually) and i want to go travelling for a bit, i might just up and off!

 

Although yeah I'd be needing a job when i get back, thats something to worry about then tbh. I think im pretty employable (apart from my current condition) maybe some time away would be just as good as therapy.

 

Rocket

 

P.S anyone wants to offer me a job in the good old US of A, go for it!

[shockandawed]

Rocket,

 

Man..sorry!!! I have my moments, thats for sure. They still come on quite a bit everyday, but they don't seem to consume me all the time. This new girl, who I went out with with absolutely no expectations may be helping. I really hope you see your new friend this weekend again.

 

I understand the comparisons. Try this, instead of comparing this girl against the strengths of your ex, do the opposite. Compare her to the weaknesses. I just did a little with my own situation. WOW!!!! What an eye opener. I tried to gp back and compare this to where I was and knew about my ex fiance early on. You really should do this.

 

Category+++New++++++++++++++++++++++++++++Ex-Fiance

 

Attractiveness Edge here, both attractive

Body Big Edge here, slim, works out---------not slim at all

Personality Edge, dont know as well but more outgoing

Honesty So far, appears all above board++++++++++++ Early lies

Friends Has some+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ None

Job Big edge again, cardiac RN, 21 years++++++dead end, small co

major regional hospital

 

Religion Believer, not every Sunday++++++++ Not religious at all

Age(non issue) 46 +++++++++++++++++++++++Finally wins, 40

 

 

You know, in all the early categories she kills her. The ex only wins with comfort level, from being around her for 3 years. But the games, and drama didn't truly make it that comfortable. I think if I make it 3 years here, I might have a little more to show for it. It will be interesting how the later categories shake out..passion, romantic, thoughtful, etc..