Author Tormented Posted February 4, 2007 Author Posted February 4, 2007 you know, been left behid by your ex isn;t good. But we all need to start think about our selves and what we can do with our lives. I agree. Focusing on other aspects in our life is a big step towards healing, and one I've decided to take. I've started to paint again, as well as finishing a children's book I began writing over a year ago. I've also signed up for a Salsa dance class, and accepted a dinner date with a guy I recently met. Time to get on with my life! Please do not even worry/care about the ex, wheather it be if they will regret, they will realise or they will be unhappy. I know its hard and I struggle with that but the truth is when you stop worrying about all that and at least try to move on life will be better. Again, good things happen to strong people, dont give up and fall back on something bad for us (the ex's that caused us so much pain). This is a conclusion I've reached as well. I've spent entirely too much time agonizing over the "why's" of this breakup. And quite frankly, I'm sick of it...tired of it occupying so much of my time and energy. He doesn't deserve it, not even one second's worth of my time. I am glad he and I talked because it truly has helped me to move on. Only thing I regret is that I didn't do it sooner. But then, I wasn't ready for it - didn't yet have the strength to get some answers and then walk away as I have done. I wonder if he knows it's over for good. I certainly hope so. Otherwise, he'll try to contact me again. Something I don't want nor desire. I hope he received closure as well and he leaves it alone now. ~T~
Sand&Water Posted February 4, 2007 Posted February 4, 2007 RE: Bravo! Nice to hear from you, Tormented. My responses are right under your bold paragraphs -and two statements in bold. Yes, it was me who started the 200 plus posts about my ex...except, I think it was closer to 300. Gee, ya don't think I was obsessing, do you? One person's obsession is another person's crush. No worries. I believe it is the entire analyzing/evaluating/healing process that contributes to one's overall mentality of selfness, consciousness, and awareness of the circumstances. Doesn't matter IF it were 2 pages or 200 pages. Confusion entered when I attempted to turn a deaf ear to my voice of logic. What I wanted versus what I knew was best for me were at odds....my heart screaming to go back with him and relieve the pain. My brain warned that going back to him was inviting more heartache and THIS time I'd have it coming because I knew what he was capable of. It also reminded me that going back to him would mean losing respect for myself...a VERY high price to pay. Nope, can't do it. My brain - my logic- ultimately won. Priceless. This is what it means to have faith in thyself. To understand that, at the end of the day, it is you who will be left with your own thoughts -to rest with the idea of yourself, and what it means to evolve over the course of the day. Ignoring every screaming fiber of your body, would have meant accepting the consequences of self-hatred. Because self-hatred exists -and truly grows over a long period given enough psychological feud between the person you are and the person you want to be. You can run -but you can't hide. Ha! No, THIS girl passed the teen years long ago. I think, though, if I WERE in my teens I would have walked away from this with ease. It is my belief that as we get older, we love on a different level than in our earlier years. We begin to think about lifetime partners, and in doing so, many things are taken into consideration. We tend to invest more time, are able to dwell deeper in our love for our partners. And as a result, breakups, in my opionion, are much harder. This particular breakup was hell for me, but I survived. And I will continue to. I know there will be some bad days along the way - a song, place, even a word that will trigger memories of him, but as time goes on, those triggers won't be as painful or as intense. And then the day will come when I will feel nothing. And that is the day I look forward to. Evidently True. Essentially, draws back to logic, comprehension, and mechanical thinking. As you mature, you tend to acquire a great deal of understanding of who you are -as a person, and heterosexual human. Love, only, complicates things because it closely requires a combination of all thought processes. Thus it will definitely take you some time to revert your ways, and learn to understand that intense pain's cure is to build new bridges of hope and prosperity in life using the same tools you used in the past. TO CHASE AFTER A HAPPY MEDIUM YOU YEARN FOR - And THAT is the key right there. A dream, a desire I yearn for...but not necessarily with him. You know, it seems to me a lot of us here are in love with the idea of what life COULD be with our exes, rather than WITH the person. We loved the security we felt, of the companionship, the "twoness" our relationship provided. And we're struggling with the "oneness." And the painful lonliness we're feeling tricks us into thinking that we're still in love with our exes. And so...we continue to pine away, chasing a "dream" that will never be, was never meant to be. Just a few thoughts I've had the past few days... Yes. A dream that interestingly has many dimensions. Each one of us can somehow relate and familiarize thyself with the dream -to find that happy medium -but no one knows where the core lies. No one can grasp the entire idea -but merely just search for that special person that can simply fulfill that dream -knowing that the dream isn't a concrete and plausible idea to hold in life. Yet, that doesn't chain humans down from ever chasing after it. Rather, it is something almost everyone is deeply infatuated with -because they know IF they find it -it will satisfy and enrich everything in their life. Bingo! All of the above has played a factor in my decision to walk away from this - for good. How can I have respect for myself if I allowed him back into my life after what he did? How could I look in the mirror without feeling disgust for myself if I settle for a man who broke my heart in pieces...regardless of the "reasons" why? Self-respect is something nobody should EVER forsake because regardless of our life's circumstance - in a relationship or alone - we will ALWAYS have to live with ourselves. If we lose respect for self, then we can only look forward to a life of self-loathing. No, not a life I want to live. The point I was trying to get across in my post - By Asking Yourself: Can you wake up in the morning knowing that respect for yourself is simply an empty vessel locked within my heart? Yep, something I told myself the past few days. You know, Sand, I truly have had enough of this. I will say that although this recent contact with him has caused me pain, it has also helped me to walk away, except this time I feel a sense of peace about it. It felt good to get some answers from him, to have a good cry with him, to hear that he regrets what he did, and that he wanted me back. But it felt GREAT to tell him no. I feel good about myself for doing so, and I've no doubt I will pat myself on the back for it years down the road. I retained my dignity, pride and worth. He may have broke my heart, but he didn't break me. You have done mighty well, Tormented. To spill your guts, emotions, feelings, and thoughts out to the world is a rejuvenating feeling. It is good for the soul. Crying is that outlet. And, I understand. It takes a lot of courage to connect the dots and take action. It is almost like an addiction -enables you to tackle the worst part before allowing you to fly through the happy moments. Thank you so much for this post, Sand. I very much appreciate your wisdom and encouraging words. This has been a horrible time for me, but I DO see a break in the storm. ~T~ You are welcome. It was my pleasure to have helped -IF only a bit. You made the right decision. I applaud you. Great work. Best Of Luck, Sand&Water
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