A dating question (its kind of complex lol)

[torch4456]

OK so here is the deal, I am just looking for people's opinions on my situation. So thank you in advace to all of you who take your time and respond.

 

I am in college, its my freshman year and recently a girl (who attends this university and who I also graduated from HS with) started hanging out. First I think its kind of important to fill you in on our background.

 

In 9th grade I meet this girl and well I thought she was cute and all. So one of my good friends ends up dating one of her good friends. So I had some classes with her and such and eventaually one day in Latin my friend tried to help me out. I knew nothing about this but it was a day where we had a substitute teacher and were watching a move (that noone was really interested in) and my friend Joe, who was a pretty loud person says "Hey, why don't you ask this girl out" and she was sitting within earshot. I gave him the I dont know thing, since I was kind of embarrassed about the situation and joe keeps urging me on. He even gets her to say that she would "go out" with me if I asked. Well I didn't really have the guts, as it was going to be my first relationship and like... it was extremely awkward with the whole class paying attention (there were some other things in my life that were rough at the time, my father died around that time). So I ended up not asking her.

 

Well things were pretty awkward after that and we really didn't talk to eachother anymore, except for a little in a math class this next year. So JR. year I started to like her again, it was sort of an off and on thing. So I decided to ask her to prom and got shut down, and she went with a person as a friend. So things again got kind of awkward and we really didn't talk very often.

 

So at the end of senior year we started hanging out with friends and such and did so over the summer. At this point I was over her since she was going to college with the thought of dating this one guy who she was talking to for awhile.

 

Fall quarter goes by and I see her once down at school (as its a pretty large university) and then we had 6 weeks for winter break. During that time we both hung out with our group of friends and the two of us ended up working in at the same store in the mall. Before break was over we were talking at a friends house and she mentioned how she wanted to start hanging out more often.

 

So now this quarter we have been keeping in touch and such. In the last two weeks, of course I started thinking about her again and thought I might be interested- yet I really didn't have high expectations of this going anywhere due to how things always ended up in the past. So about two weeks ago, I told her I was moving dorms and was doing it that night. She offered to help and ditch her friends to help me move across campus and clean up the room I was moving into. The next night we went out and got her a fish tank and fish and etc.

 

Last week she mentioned that she was going home for the weekend and asked if I wanted to go, I pretty much just said I wasn;t really sure if I wanted to. After that I guess she really didn't intend to any more (from one of my friends at home) but I called her the night before and told her I was interested and she seemed kind of surprised and never mention that fact that she was thinking about staying for the weekend.

 

The next day we leave and drive 4 horus back, keeping converstation for most of the time and it wasn't bland. I mean we joked around and the sort. On the way home I ask her what her plans were and she said nothing really but hanging out with my family. She asked me the same thing and I told her I wanted to hang out with a friend of ours from home and she is like "oh yeah we should do that." So we did. That night we go out to eat, with two other girls we graduated HS with. Eventually the question came from one of the girls from home "Hey travis, getting any girls at school?" To play it as smooth as I could, without saying I really liked the one girl "There are some cute girls down there, but nothing really is happening" and then they asked the girl who I am interested in. She responded with "Well the Bryan thing is done, I mean we were just talking but, once winter quarter started I just wasn't into him anymore. But my roommates b/f has this kid that lives by him that always says I'm pretty and another who almost looks like a model but is kind of scurfy. But nothing that is looking promising"

 

Right there I get kind of antsy, cause I'm not sure what to think.

 

So we drive back down to school, taking someone else who didn't ride with us orginally. And for the most part things were the same between us, a little awkward with the 3rd person there (especially because she was not really good friends with us). We get back drop the other girl off and then she asks me if I would help her get all her stuff up to her room. We get there and she decides to take me back to my place and help me take stuff to my room then we go and go eat (rather than with her roomie who said they would wait for her to get back to go to dinner).

 

Alright well I might have to into too much detail but... I am kind of unsure about what to do now. I have been feeling really cofidient around her, yet I REALLY do not want to make things horriblely awkward between us again. But on the other hand I don't want to sit around and let something slide through my fingers.

 

Now there are some important details about her that kind change things. She never really dated anyone before and has little to no expeirence with men. She really doesn't do anything during the week here at school besides study and is very close to her family and is quite religious. She hangs out on the weekends when she does and really doesn't party that hard. Knowing this, I really don't want to put too much pressure on her either for a relationship considering she lacks experience.

 

So here is where I guess I ask for help, I mean I really want to date this girl but I dont want to pressure her or make her feel too uneasy. I just want to see what you guys think about it and whether you think I should make a move sooner or later. Thanks.

[Cous Cous With Goose]

Relationships are like a ladder, and you're not Tarzan. You can't just swing from the vines of greatness and magically end up on the 5th to last rung, ya feelin me? You have to start from rung one(or two or three) depending on situations but like climbing a ladder the safest way is to start from rung one. And that is letting her know you have an interest in her. So what if you got rejected in HS? That's long behind you, and right now you two have great rapport. Spend a little too much time and you're gonna be labeled a friend. So change it. Don't show her you want to be her friend, show her you want to be her lover.

 

Start off small like using subtle hints in your words, like 'I really enjoy spending time with you, more than anyone in the world'. If she responds positively she's in, so you keep using subtle hints but continue making them stronger ones. But gradually, this isn't something you can just do in one conversation.

 

You want to start out real simple because a statement like that is something a friend AND lover can make, so it shows you show an interest in her, but she doesn't realize: is he a friend or he's pursuing me? If she shrugs it off, she may not be interested or she may just not have noticed. Never give up unless she responds really negatively to something you say. Just make sure to keep it at a joking-serious level.

[torch4456]

Thanks, anyone else have anything to say?

[ddnnee]

if you can turn into mr. jerk, then do it now because mr. jerk gets all the chicks.

[stevranger]

if you can turn into mr. jerk, then do it now because mr. jerk gets all the chicks.

 

Thanks for this.

 

To the OP: Take the advice from Cous Cous With Goose -- it's solid advice.

 

Cheers,

 

- Steve