pricillia Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I am trying to understand the life and thoughts of the OW. How do you feel knowing your Boyfriend is another woman's husband? Why don't you have an affiar and find out? Why should we even answer your question... go back and read some old posts, you figure it out
erika2610 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 How do they feel? They don't give a crap about the fact that these guys are married. Most pretend the wife doesn't exist. Don't you understand that it's that pesky wife thats getting in they way of their relationships and not the spineless jellyfish they all call "their men" Well, you seem like a lovely gal. Any particular reason you're here? Or do you just like to cause trouble?
vanilla chai Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Well, you seem like a lovely gal. Any particular reason you're here? Or do you just like to cause trouble? Im here because I want to be. Did I need permission from you to posts? I think not.
yousaveme Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Here we go with another one. BLAH BLAH BLAH...
noforgiveness Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Here we go with another one. BLAH BLAH BLAH... Yousaveme I can understand you want to block out the wife. I can have empathy that you want to pretend she is not there but she is. You can't just block out reality. It will get you no where.
Meredith63 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I just wanted him to make a choice and move on with his life. Choose her, choose me, either one would have been fine... just do SOMETHING. But - I never wanted to block her out. I did feel bad that I was in love with her husband. I just chose my own happiness over hers. Selfish, yes.. but honest.
PoshPrincess Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Posh' date=' not picking on you or your post but it said something that I have often wondered about. I typically don't talk about my H the person as he is not here and it really is not my place to discuss his personal business (as far as our M is or criticizing him, I tell him those things myself). But I will add a little more info so someone can answer my question.[/i'] D-day for me was finding emails to and from his co-worker (okay, searching for them, but I was convinced I would find nothing), and one text message on his phone from that very night saying something relatively explicit (he touched her apparently and she liked it). Either way, I confronted him and he denied nothing other than the fact that he loved her. I know my H. I know he was lying, but I let him think I was convinced. He told me he would stop being so friendly with her and that he would tell her that he was calling the whole thing off. Well, he told her that I found out but he wasn't ready to stop seeing or talking to her yet. This went on for another 3 weeks. My question is this: why keep talking to a guy that has told you that he is eventually going to stop talking to you - just not at his W's behest? Or were you not able to see that at the time because of high emotions going on? You know, the whole, he's picking me over her thing. Being flattered. (again, not an attack, I know both of those feelings very well myself) A year after the fact and I believe him when he says that he doesn't know WHAT he was thinking. He never has said a bad thing about her. Not once and I won't encourage him to. But he said without my asking one day that he knows for a fact that he didn't love her. He thought he did. But looking back, he knows he didn't. NoForgiveness, I really don't know WHY I stayed with him after W found out. I have no answer other than I suppose I believed what he said (stupidly or not) about me being the one he loved. I still believe (from speaking to him since) that I am still the one he loves, or at least that he is unhappy, or as he says, 'plodding along', but at the end of the day he made his decision, and at least I can respect him for not stringing me along as 'a bit on the side'. It took him a long time to make his decision but he did it in the end. It has been very hard for me to let go. It sounds weird but I really wish he had ended it telling me that he had realised he loved his wife, he'd made a mistake with me, etc as that would have been a clear cut and more definite break, but he didn't. He said that it might not be the 'right thing' but that it was the 'only thing' he could do. I still feel like I am in limbo but that's just in my head. All I can do now is respect his decision and let him get on with his life. I truly hope he can be happy.
vanilla chai Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 The other woman knows their MM is a liar,if he can lie to his wife and kids he can lie to his ow. It seems to me alot of these ow think they are better than the wife yet their mm are still at home(we know he's staying for the kids)
Meredith63 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Vanilla - ANYONE can lie, LOL. I hardly think that lying is done exclusively by people involved in A's. It really is not a matter of anyone being better than anyone... why would you say that? If a MM stays with his W then she is the "better one"? If an MM leaves and is with his OW then she is the "better one"? Gosh - do you really define yourself by a man's actions? Sorry - that would not work for me.
Jinxx Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 I am trying to understand the life and thoughts of the OW. How do you feel knowing your Boyfriend is another woman's husband? It didn't bother me one bit. I was married at the time too. We were friends first and I new exactly what I was getting myself into, so did he.
puddleofmud Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 The other woman knows their MM is a liar,if he can lie to his wife and kids he can lie to his ow. It seems to me alot of these ow think they are better than the wife yet their mm are still at home(we know he's staying for the kids) I have yet to see, from the hundreds of posts I have read, where any OP has stated that they were better than anyone--nor could even assume this from the posts. Where did you come up w/ this idea? Certainly not from this board. Sorry you feel that way but as far as this forum goes, I do not see this as factual and I do not see where any one on this forum would/has put this in anyone's mind.
Babybird Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I just wanted him to make a choice and move on with his life. Choose her, choose me, either one would have been fine... just do SOMETHING. But - I never wanted to block her out. I did feel bad that I was in love with her husband. I just chose my own happiness over hers. Selfish, yes.. but honest. God can I relate!!! Kind of like Sh*t or get off the pot! But then again we don't turn off the burner. Hhmmm odds are we're gonna get burned. As much as I hate to admit it. I knew my MM was married. I didn't care. It was all a joke to me in the beginning. I wanted to see if he was talking smack or could actually back it up. He could. He told me he loved me almost a month before I said it back. No way was I going to fall in love with a married man after I just got burned. RIGHT! The conversation flowed so easy. After a while I realized he was everything I was looking for...except single. The first time I met his wife I was shocked. She was nothing like I pictured. I figured, because he calls her the hag, that she would probably be nice. She seemed so fake. I didn't really care for her and this was before I had any feelings for him and it was only sex. When I see them togther it doesn't make sense, or look right to me. (Gee wonder why? LOL) Here's the twist: he works for my families company...where I work...knows everyone in my family and is the top person and the most valued at what he does in the company. Boy is my family gonna be pissed when they find out!! How is it aso many MM/MW are so stupid about the little things? Erase the text as soon as you get it. Open a secret e-mail account. Never, never, never put the number in the phone and never call OP from it. Even under somebody else's name. Good grief these are the basics!!! How to have an Affair for Dummies! LOL has that one been published yet??
puddleofmud Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 "How is it aso many MM/MW are so stupid about the little things? Erase the text as soon as you get it. Open a secret e-mail account. Never, never, never put the number in the phone and never call OP from it. Even under somebody else's name. Good grief these are the basics!!!" This may not necessarily be a "smart" person who does these things but certainly is a clever one! Which may lead one to figure out that these persons are not at all "dumb' but quite purposeful about what they do. A stoooopid person wouldn't have the where-with-all to do any of this, would they?
outofdarkness Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 I understand that a BS needs answers and this is a place to vent and get an objective opinion. However I've often thought about starting my own thread on the marriage an infidelity boards asking BS's "What would you do if you found out your H was actually in love with the OW?" "Would you still want to be married to someone who's heart wasn't totaly yours?" I haven't done this yet because I know I would just get flamed. Yet we offer honesty and sometimes comfort to the BS's that post on this board. Has anyone else ever pondered this double standard? The more BS's that come on asking us how we can be with another womans H etc. The more I want to put that question to them. Only seems fair that we should ask them to answer our questions honestly too right? And please don't think I'm making light of how the BS feels and her need for asking these questions. I've been a BS (3 times) so I understand the need for enlightenment. But truly if my H's A's had been about emotions and not just sex I would have kicked his a** to the curb. I think a thread like this might not be a bad idea, and no not all of us BS's would "flame" you...I wouldn't..
NoIDidn't Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 Believe it or not I just read a book called "Will he really leave her for me" - that was suggested to me by somebody on LS (thx!) -- All I had to do was replace the word "HE" with "SHE" .. well actually it was pretty damn confusing.. but! it is a good primer to the world of affairs. hope it helps. hardknocks That person would be me!!!! Over here. I can't believe somebody actually listened to me. Its a good book. I'm not an OW but it was a good book. It isn't judgmental or condescending at all. I read it when I was looking for books on how to survive my H's A. I recommend it to all in these ARs, even the BW to see what the OW is going through in these As. <end of threadjack>
NoIDidn't Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 NoForgiveness, I really don't know WHY I stayed with him after W found out. I have no answer other than I suppose I believed what he said (stupidly or not) about me being the one he loved. I still believe (from speaking to him since) that I am still the one he loves, or at least that he is unhappy, or as he says, 'plodding along', but at the end of the day he made his decision, and at least I can respect him for not stringing me along as 'a bit on the side'. It took him a long time to make his decision but he did it in the end. It has been very hard for me to let go. It sounds weird but I really wish he had ended it telling me that he had realised he loved his wife, he'd made a mistake with me, etc as that would have been a clear cut and more definite break, but he didn't. He said that it might not be the 'right thing' but that it was the 'only thing' he could do. I still feel like I am in limbo but that's just in my head. All I can do now is respect his decision and let him get on with his life. I truly hope he can be happy. Did you mean, NoIDidn't? When I think back on last year after it ended, I understand many of her actions better now. When he ended things with her for good, it wasn't because he suddenly remembered that he loved me. He didn't know what the next day would hold in our M, and neither did I. I feel bad for you and his W as he is not being totally honest with anyone here. My H said all of the things that you wished you heard from your MM to his co-worker. He apologized for all the hurt she was feeling, but told her where his responsibility lay at the moment. My H may have given her the impression that there MIGHT be a future for them one day, but that really doesn't matter to me. But I doubt that since she broke NC and not him.
hardknocks Posted February 2, 2007 Posted February 2, 2007 hardknocks That person would be me!!!! Over here. I can't believe somebody actually listened to me. Its a good book. I'm not an OW but it was a good book. It isn't judgmental or condescending at all. I read it when I was looking for books on how to survive my H's A. I recommend it to all in these ARs, even the BW to see what the OW is going through in these As. <end of threadjack> heheh yeah thanks! ive been on a reading tyraid lately. see this forum can be of use! unfortunately there is a group of people that prefer to get up on their high horses instead of really trying to understand or talk about what is going on.
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