Guest Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I am curious, if the MM finally asked the wife to leave after over a year of breaking your heart over and over, telling you he couldn't leave, her loves her, etc., (but then after a week of NC with you, he is back begging to see you) then asked you to move into the house they had decorated and furnished together, with all their memories (that you know are not bad memories) how would you feel? how would you feel about her moving 2 houses down, where you know he will be able to talk/see her. (remember, he loves her, just not 'inlove' with her). especially if you are the jealous type, and had always insisted that if/when he breaks up with W, he should not ever talk to her again. I am just looking for some opinions please!
frannie Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Hello. Well I don't really know the circumstances... why was she the one to leave the house, is it his place? Can you redecorate? Can you (both) move away..? Why is she living two doors away..? I think this all hinges on two things: he 'loves her', and you say you're jealous. It sounds like he was in too many minds about what was for the best, and if this is all recent there's a lot of evidence to say that he'll not be properly emotionally detached from his xW, so that's probably affecting you. But I'd say this, the facts of the matter (who lives in which house, and who lives two doors away) needn't be a problem, if people are sure about what they want to do, and of their feelings for each other. I'll give you an example: I live with my ex, and that doesn't bother my MM in the slightest. I'm also not bothered (in the jealous sense) that MM lives with his W. I think this is because we're both sure of the other's feelings. I would say that if you're thinking of telling MM that he can't speak to his xW you're trying to control something that isn't yours to control... my opinion, and I know other people wouldn't necessarily agree. But telling people who they can and can't talk to (even exes) shows a huge degree of insecurity... perhaps that's what's at the bottom of this? Of course his actions to date may well have contributed to your insecurity, especially being as he's been uncertain what to do so far. But... that's what divorces are like. There's a book called How To Survive Your Boyfriend's Divorce which you might find useful if you haven't already read it. As far as I know it stresses the idea of distancing yourself when necessary from him during this difficult time.
Seen_It_All Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 ...then asked you to move into the house they had decorated and furnished together, with all their memories (that you know are not bad memories) how would you feel? I'd honestly prefer to have my head torn off by a wild boar. How would you feel about her moving 2 houses down, where you know he will be able to talk/see her. (remember, he loves her, just not 'inlove' with her). I'd honestly prefer to have my liver removed with a rusty sewing needle. especially if you are the jealous type, and had always insisted that if/when he breaks up with W, he should not ever talk to her again. Well that's not very charitable, is it? For a year you snuck around with her husband and helped him deceive her. You played a HUGE part in the devastation of this woman and the end of her marriage - don't even TRY pinning it all on your scummy 'boyfriend.' And NOW you're going to also dictate whether he can talk to her or not? Why don't you just poison her and throw her body in the river? Might as well as you've shown ZERO compassion or respect for her as a human. Just curious - a serious question. A few years from now, when this monument to manhood starts playing around again with a NEW side squeeze, and they start plotting YOUR exit from the marriage, are you going to simply disappear quietly to make it easy for them? That's what you expect this poor wife to do - just bow out and make YOUR life easy. Remember this, Guest, how you're treating his wife. One day, sure as death and taxes, YOU'RE going to be the one being booted out.
vanilla chai Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Listen your crying about living 2 doors away from the BW,yet you up and slept with this womans husband. I think you better worry about the bw sneaking over and beating the crap out of you.
whichwayisup Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 You'd deal with it, especially if they had kids together, the exwife would be in YOUR life forever. You be the bigger person and make the ex feel comfortable, for the kids sake. What are you jealous about? Honestly.
NoIDidn't Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 You know, when you said he would never talk to her again if he left I think he meant to say "I won't talk to her anymore because SHE will never speak to me again." You deal with it until you can't. She does exist and will always have a special place in his heart considering he was M'd to her. Can you deal with that? If not, a professional therapist will help you overcome your insecurity issues and help give you the strength to endure a possible abandonment if he goes back to her. Seriously.
Kathleen Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 I'm not the ow so I would have no problem living a door or two away from the exwife. She might have a problem living next to me though. The new wife.
Guest Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 They have no kids, so I don't see why he needs to talk to her. yes, I am insecure. He has been back and forth about leaving her, then he breaks up with me a few times. So I always wonder. I know he cares for her too, but is in- love with me. we are special together, and I know he realizes that he can't have that feeling with her, and wants to be with me now. I should be happy for that. I am living in apt now with my kids, so I really have no choice about where to live, or asking him to sell his house right now. maybe I can get over this, but I don't like her being so close, although all her friends and work is in the neighborhood, so I know why she wants to stay there. He really likes this house because of his big garage and workshop, I hate to ask him to leave that.
Meredith63 Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 His XW could not even afford to live in our town, much less on our street!
noforgiveness Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 His XW could not even afford to live in our town, much less on our street! :laugh: sounds like she needs to head back to court then and get that alimony and child support upped.
MoonGirl Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 Your situation sounds strange. Since MM and W don't have kids together, I don't see why they need to talk. However, if you try to control your MM due to your jealousy, he will leave you. [FONT=Courier New]"Jealousy, that dragon which slays love under the pretence of keeping it alive." Havelock Ellis [/FONT]
PoshPrincess Posted February 1, 2007 Posted February 1, 2007 They have no kids, so I don't see why he needs to talk to her. yes, I am insecure. He has been back and forth about leaving her, then he breaks up with me a few times. So I always wonder. I know he cares for her too, but is in- love with me. we are special together, and I know he realizes that he can't have that feeling with her, and wants to be with me now. I should be happy for that. I am living in apt now with my kids, so I really have no choice about where to live, or asking him to sell his house right now. maybe I can get over this, but I don't like her being so close, although all her friends and work is in the neighborhood, so I know why she wants to stay there. He really likes this house because of his big garage and workshop, I hate to ask him to leave that. This sounds pretty difficult. I really don't think he has a need to speak to her if they don't have kids together. He is with YOU now and should respect your wishes (although I'm sure many BS on here would disagree saying that he didn't respect his Ws wishes to be faithful!) It must be very hard not to feel insecure in this sitch. I know I would. Is that because we were once their OW? Q possibly.
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