goddammit! seeing him in the street is driving me stir crazy!

[freakygal78]

OK I have posted several times since the 'resolution' of my 'thing' with exMM. I have left the workplace we shared and now work a block up. I have posted b4 about a chance meeting in the street recently and consequently chatting briefly with him and then me emailing him a 'closure' email and him replying with a rather stoic email in response.

 

That aside, I thought I was slowly dealing with the fallout of seeing him after several months...but goddammit! I have seen him during my lunch break the last two days again and it IS driving me stir crazy! Neither time have we spoken although we did see each other which messes with my head still.

 

Yesterday he was chatting with a work colleague in the street and so could not / did not move to come over and talk to me. Today when I chose a slightly earlier time, he was crossing the road around the same time I was and because I was walking in a different direction to what he was, we didn't talk again but still that gut-freezing feeling always takes me over when I see him and I wonder what he is thinking. I'm less concerned about him but I _am_ concerned about my emotional well-being seeing him all the time like this - it is not helping me to get over him. Short of confining myself to the building at lunch, I don't know how I can avoid bumping into him. I have even started to get paranoid about him spying on my movements and trying to coincidentally run into me as an cheap ego-boost.

 

 

I did not email him back after his last email (let sleeping dogs lie and all) and I don't plan to either - I just guess I want to know how I can avoid feeling so uncomfortable/shaken when I do happen to see him in the street! I know this is all rather petty in comparison to some other problems ppl are having but I have so many other issues going on at the moment i.e. career prospects and dealing with a breakup with ex-SG that I really don't need this on top of all that at the moment. Please help me with suggestions to cope with this....you guys are my only support in this situation.

[ratingsguy]

Short of confining myself to the building at lunch, I don't know how I can avoid bumping into him.

 

Maybe that's exactly what you need to do... at least for now. Or try leaving the building in a different direction and find somewhere new to grab lunch. Unless of course you subconsiously want to bump into him, but are afraid to admit it, especially if there are unresolved feelings. Are you guys in NC right now?

[Romeo Must Die]

I think you are giving yourself an anxiety attack. It happens to almost everybody under really high-stress situations. It feels like you are going down an elevator really fast. It's how our bodies physically react to high stress. I get the same feeling when I see the xOW. It's pretty normal.

 

Settle down and breathe. Find ways to cope/relax with meeting him on the street or avoid that street altogether.

 

[kymberann]

I hate to throw you for a loop, but why not just tackle this issue and bring on the challenge. It is called exposure therapy or systematic desensitization. The more you see him without talikg to him or expecting to, the less emotional response he can provoke.

I copied and pasted from Wikpedia to explain exposure therapy:

 

To begin the process of systematic desensitization, one must first be taught relaxation skills in order to control fear and anxiety responses to specific phobias. Once the individual has been taught these skills, he or she must use them to react towards and overcome situations in an established hierarchy of fears. The goal of this process is that an indivudal will learn to cope and overcome the fear in each step of the hierarchy, which will lead to overcoming the last step of the fear in the hierarchy.

 

I know it is a different approach, but if you know the chances are high you will see him everyday the fear factor may decrease. HOpe this helps!

Best

[freakygal78]

Haha! Thanks for all your help here! I CAN take a 180 and hope to hell I dont see him in THAT direction of the street although the food choices are limited that way - I am not sure I AM trying to bump into him coincidentally - there are so many HUNDREDS of ppl who work in the street that chances are pretty slim that we'd bump into each other - crossing the road for lunch at exactly the same time. That is partly why I started to get paranoid. I have to admit KA, that approach is smart - as the more and more I DON'T end up talking to him, the less the reaction each time true - I just can't believe how even the sight of him makes my legs want to collapse and my heartbeat increase exponentially. I know that sounds lame but that is how I feel! RG, we were never formally in NC altho my closure email hopefully made it clear I wanted no further interaction (it hurts!). We didn't have a PA, it was more emotional and very much denied on his end because HE didn't do anything wrong right? So anyways, I will continue to walk past him if I see him, I CAN take different ways although this might be 'recognising' his presence all the more which is not right or fair on me. I was actually proud of myself y'day I could have changed routes to 'catch up with him' but I held my head high and walked on my way. I hope it made him think - 'WTF? She's not running up / waiting for me?' Egotistical ****! lol. Thanks guys for your comments!

[puddleofmud]

Hon, this is YOUR feakin' lunch break, not his! YOU can do, go, eat wherever you wish...

That really isn't a problem for you now is it? Does he "own" any part of you, much less the five minutes you NEED to get out to find yourself something yummy to eat?

I'd be darned if I'd let some sorry fu888k8r negate me getting out in the sunshine during work. After all he was there BEFORE you knew him and so what if he's there now?

He is just one very tiny aspect of the street-scape. You are the lovely flower that prances by...

It's just lunch, babe, not a war of the worlds!

[freakygal78]

POM you have very succinct way of putting things - yes I do like to get out in the sunshine - or else I'd get cabin fever in that very stuffy corporate office. I really shouldn't let it get to me - just seeing him, a remnant of my past now still has a very emotional effect on me. I owe him nothing and vice versa...he has a wife and child and I was just an ego boost for him. I find out this week hopefully if I'm staying there for good or not and so the situation might resolve itself if I change workplaces anyway. Just a very cruel quirk of fate that I end up working a block away from him. Stupid ****er! I'm sure my presence doesn't have quite the same effect on him...ah to have a remote control so that I could press 'rewind' on all of this....take heed potential or current OW!

[SadandConfusedWA]

You know, I hate how MM play with us. On one hand they have their wife and kids that they go home to every day, but they still enjoy using us for their middle aged ego boost. Ugh

[PoshPrincess]

Maybe that's exactly what you need to do... at least for now. Or try leaving the building in a different direction and find somewhere new to grab lunch. Unless of course you subconsiously want to bump into him, but are afraid to admit it, especially if there are unresolved feelings. Are you guys in NC right now?

 

FreakyGal, no, ideally you SHOULDN'T let him get to you and subconsciously dictate where and when you have lunch, but it's unavoidable in these situations and with the feelings you have. I totally agree with what RatingsGuy said though - that's what I've had to do. I have to say it's not likely that I would bump into my ex-MM on a regular basis even though we live fairly local to each other but there WAS a time when I secretly wanted to (and I guess still do to a certain extent) but know it's not good for my mental health. I know the longer I go without seeing him or having any contact the easier it will get. I saw him before Christmas and it stirred all those old feelings up again, and not in a good way. It was lovely while we were together (although we weren't alone at any time) but I got the same old feelings when he had to leave and I know I can't handle that and, funnily enough, neither can he.

 

Lots of luck!