DyingHeart Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Hey everyone. I need a little support. He broke up with me on the 7th or 8th of December and I still hurt badly. I'm doing everything I can to not think of him, but he always seems to haunt me. 7 years with a person is a very long time. This is probably mentioned in another post, but I met him when I was 20 and I'm 27 now. Having gone most of my adult life with him, I don't know of anything else. We did everything together. Everywhere I look there is something to remind me of him. Even though I gave him all his stuff back, it's just the simple things that get to me. Maybe a movie we watched together, a pair of pants I wore when I was with him. The only way to get away from everything would be for me to move to another state. Which is actually becoming a good option for me in the near future. I've been sick since he left. I had a hard time eating and this went on for a while and I almost died because of it. I am getting better and most of my focus has been on that. Which is very good. But now that I'm almost back in shape, I can feel my focus going back to him. I don't want to but it's so hard to ignore. Tonight is the first night that I actually really broke down and cried in weeks. I don't really have many friends that I can really talk to about this. I mean, I have friends, they just aren't the kind of people that would give advice or be consoling. I'm still trying to get into therapy but because I have medicare, it's taking some time. Sure, my family is supportive of me, but it just doesn't satisfy me if you know what I mean. I want to get back to work, but after being as sick as I was, it's going to take some time. Meanwhile, I'm at home all the time with my parents. As for him, I have no idea what he wants. He never really gives me a straight answer. So, I'm just not talking to him because he wont really tell me how he feels. He's broken no contact with me on a few occasions and each time I felt hopeful but even more depressed because I can't ask what he really feels. I'm not sure he even knows. I really really wish I would have found this site when he first broke up with me, then I would have known about the no contact thing and we'd be together today. But I pushed him and pushed him and now I'm afraid that he's really gone. He was one of the good guys. A wonderful person with a big heart. Sorry for the long post. I just had to get this out. I love him and miss him like crazy and it's just really tough. He never really gave me any closure. And I won't ask for it either. Only time will tell where things go from here. I'm just having a tough night.
cityboy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I really really wish I would have found this site when he first broke up with me, then I would have known about the no contact thing and we'd be together today. But is that what you want, to be with him? Of course it hurts, but you need to use this time to gain some perspective on why things didn't work out. I too was dumped after a 7-year relationship, two days after you. Yes, it sucks, but you need to be strong and declare that you are on your own and find some power in that. It sounds like you've done some hardcore grieving, getting sick and all, and that's disconcerting. I think therapy is probably a good option for you. Again, though - take some time to list out the things you didn't like about him and the relationship. You may be surprised what you learn, the things you repressed, and you'll learn that you are, in fact, better off now.
Author DyingHeart Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 But is that what you want, to be with him? Of course it hurts, but you need to use this time to gain some perspective on why things didn't work out. I too was dumped after a 7-year relationship, two days after you. Yes, it sucks, but you need to be strong and declare that you are on your own and find some power in that. It sounds like you've done some hardcore grieving, getting sick and all, and that's disconcerting. I think therapy is probably a good option for you. Again, though - take some time to list out the things you didn't like about him and the relationship. You may be surprised what you learn, the things you repressed, and you'll learn that you are, in fact, better off now. Oh yeah, I do want to be with him. I really do. But I do need to sort things out for myself definately. Therapy is the best option I have right now, it's just the "waiting to be seen" thing that's making me angry. And it was some definate hardcore grieving. I grieved like he was dead. And to be honest, I sometimes wish he was abusive to me, so it would have been easy for me to say "he's an a**hole and I don't need him and all that. But nope, he's been nothing but supportive throughout our relationship. I know it will get easier. Hell, I'm a lot better now than what I was. But it will always hurt. That list is sounding good though. I'll give it a try and see what I come up with. Thanks for that
Co-D Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 2006, it was a bad year for 7 year relationships LOL, I was dumped a few days after both of you by my partner of 7 years. To be honest, I'm concerned that you see No Contact as a method to get your partner back rather then a method to start healing. I believe from reading other posts on this site that that is its primary function. Yes, sometimes they come back but sometimes they don't. The important thing is that you start the healing process no matter what happens. I believe you are on the right track by seeking therapy. I really understand what you mean when you say that friends and family don't understand because I feel the same way. It's because each of us react and understand our situations in ways that know will ever know. A friend said to me that I could talk day and night about my relationship with my ex but my friend would never understand all the complexities etc. Our common thread is that we all hurt so just know that your friends and family understand pain. They just handle it differently. My greatest fear was that my partner would cheat, he cheated, then my greatest fear was that my partner would move out, he moved out. Then my greatest fear was of being alone, and now I am. I guess the point I'm trying to make is that my fear challenged me but it didn't win. I came through and after a few weeks, I am getting better and better every day. It's got ups and downs but I'm still here so I haven't lost hope. I've just learned a great lesson about fear.
silentcharon Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Aw, DH, I was in the same boat as you are now. It sucks, it's the most horrible thing in the world. Go ahead, grieve- cry, throw some pillows around, eat tons of ice cream, mourn in the way you need to. I too, lost someone after 7 years, it'll nearly be a year now for me in a few days. I couldn't imagine my life without my ex, and the unimaginable happened. I couldn't live my life- I practically grew up with him since the tender age of 15. I was at a loss of how to move on with my life- as he was all I knew, and I never really experienced life on my own as an adult. On top of that, I was due to start school and I had to move out on my own, so it was a very tough time for me. Although, I would like to know what happened, what was the cause of the break up, etc. Did he cheat, or did you, etcetera, etcetra. I'd recommend NC in this case- It's never too late. Sure, you might be afraid he's gone, well, he is gone! Give him some time and space, he's hurting as much as you are. Go for NC. I speak from experience. Nine months down the road after the break up, I found out from my ex, "If you had left me alone in the beginning, I would have gotten answers sooner than now." After we both found someone else to be with, respectively- unfortunately, the grass wasn't as green as he thought it to be on the other side, and it was for me. It's all unfortunate circumstances for us right now, and it's very hard for us to be on amicable terms now since we carry the labels of 'exe's'. There is life after a break up- I'm not where I was a year ago, and I am amazed at how far I have come. Take your time to grieve, but eventually you have to move on- don't make the mistake I made, don't allow yourself to remain in grieving mode/limbo for too long, or else it'll be harder for you to move on. I hope this helps... I really feel for you, as I was there before. Keep posting if you need to!
Recommended Posts