insomnie Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 My boyfriend of 3 years and I have been back together for a month after 2 months apart initiated by him. He broke up with me, he said, because he was unhappy and always feeling pressured to see me. He just wanted to be alone, he said, free to disappear and spend time with his friends. Now we're back together (also initiated by him), although the relationship convo has not yet been brought up. We just sort of see each other all the time and sleep together. It seems like he genuinely wants to hang out with me this time around- he even calls me his best friend all the time- but I am having a lot of difficulty being able to trust him again. In the pit of my stomach, I am just sure I'm going to get hurt again. It's no specific thing really. He's being pretty great to me, we've had no major fights so far, we have a great time. But, still...I feel slightly nauseous about half the time and I want to end this before somethign happens to break my heart all over agian. Some small (perhaps irrational) things that bother me are: -though he didn't date other people while we were apart, he did spend a lot of time with two exgf's and a female friend he'd lied to me about when we were still together. I am positive nothing happened, but I am not sure why. Was it because not enough time passed, because they rejected him, or because he didn't want them? Am I the backup after all the other options failed? -this last brekaup was the second one we've had. He's done it before, same vague reasons. The first time it was easy for me to forgive because I knew in my heart that he was making a mistake and would come back. This time when he broke up with me I wasn't so sure. This time I think he meant to actually go through with it permanently, to cut me out and move on. That hurts like hell and I worry we are back together just because he is lonely. -he's been in a relationship with someone or other since he was 14. Again, I wonder why we are together: because he genuinely loves me, or because he is afraid to be alone. -sex. I don't know how much sex most guys want to have, but I am, by far, the hornier one in this relationship.. Almost every time we hang out I look forward to him initiating (he totally clams up when I do...hates feeling "pressured") and almost every time I am disappointed. It's just hurtful. We have sex maybe once a week, though I am always up for it. And, he never bothers to make sure I am satisfied, and it's about 5 minutes long. He is completley opposed to talking about it, spicing thigns up, etc. His solution when I bring it up is to end the relationship. I worry that he doens't find me attractive (though I am very attractive, really!), has some hang-ups about sex (likely), and that if I stay with him it'll go downhill until we stop having sex altogheter. Incidentally, when we weren't together, we hung out sometimes and he was the horniest guy in the world, completely all over me, seducing me into bed 3 times a week. So I'm guessing it's some kind of mental thing with him where he wants what he can't have...which leads me to worry about whether he wants other girls since he can't have them, and if he'd ever act on that. I do love him a lot, though, and all of these issues have not been discussed and I feel are mainly my own insecurities getting in the way of my ability to be happy. But, I know I need to either address them somehow or break it off. I just don't know how...
Guest Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Bravo to u for letting him know what is troubling you. i think everyone would love and welcome any and all opportunities to have an open and honest discussion regarding issues such as these. personally, i am ready to do so at anytime. unfortunately, when my gf left me she disappeared and i just found out today that she is engaged ssa and is getting married in Nashville next week! rats!
Krytellan Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I know there is a lot to what you wrote here, but one thing resonated more with me than the rest. It's obvious you're concerned about the sex, and you should be. I recently ended a marriage with a woman who had pretty much ceased having sex with me and when we did she wanted it to be over quickly. It sucked, and I spent a year thinking that was how my sex life was going to be the rest of my life. However, other problems ensued and I chose to end it. The point is if you need sex in your life... make that meaningful sex that also satisfies you (dear lord I hope that is a requirement for you) then please think very strongly about not pursuing this any further. It doesn't get better and you REALLY don't want to wonder why you did it 3 years down the road when nothing has changed. It seems rather obvious that he truly does not care about your needs. Let me repeat that for emphasis: He does not care about your needs This is a character trait, not an isolated incident. If he is this inconsiderate in bed, he most surely is insensitive to your needs in other areas. I think if you ponder that you'll see I'm right. Don't make a mistake you may regret the rest of your life. I thought I had and now that I am experiencing a truly loving relationship with a caring girlfriend that wants sex almost more than I do, which I never imagined existed, and I can't imagine not having made the decision to start over. You have the luxury of not having to start over. Just think about it.
Author insomnie Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 How ironic that I made a post about this today. I just logged on to facebook, and exgf#2 (whom he didn't even tell me he hung out with...I found that out on my own) had just posted a picture of him taking a walk with her, on the capital at midnight 2 weeks ago. I was under the impression that he and this particular ex hung out in a group over the break, but ... midnight walk on the capital sounds like a ****ing date to me. I am so pissed. I know the only reason I am not ending it after all this hurt is that I probably have low self esteem and after 3 years I am scared. Oh and I am carrying his child, although he's pushing strongly for an abortion. Should I call him and break it off right now?
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Oh and I am carrying his child, although he's pushing strongly for an abortion. Should I call him and break it off right now? You are 20 years old.. you are going thru something right now that at 20 you need help with.. Your BF is pushing you for an abortion because of selfish reasons.. Please contact a Planned Parenthood Center and get an appointment with someone there that can help you thru this.. they have counselors that can help prepare you for exactly what you are going thru. Contact them Please...
Author insomnie Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Well, I called him. I asked him if he hung out with her over the break, he said he did but they weren't dating. What they were doing, though, is going to play frisbee golf, watching movies, going out to eat, and taking midnight walks together, alone. He said he was too busy to talk and that he'd call me tomorrow. I cannot express HOW ****ING PISSED I am. How DUPED I feel for letting him get back together with me after he dumped me twice, especially since this getting back togehter resulted in this surpirse pregnancy. UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
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