Budda57 Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I’m not a writer. This story is kind of long; please read. Anyways, I just found this site and need some advice from you all. As the summer ended I met this girl (August). She was perfect and fit in my life great. We went on a few dates and as time past; we got more exclusive; she turned in my girlfriend. But I have got say there was no sex! We both felt like we needed to take it slow. We have both have had sex in the past with other people. Then about mid November she broke things off with me. Saying that she needed to figure things out and focus on school more. I was alright with that and carried on my life too. Well, about two week before Christmas she calls me and asks me out. I said alright and we had a great time together. So, we’ve now been together since then and things are look up. But still no sex! (I’m not really dreading over the whole sex thing but being a guy to kind of wonder about it….?) My question for you all…This last weekend, we went out to my friend’s birthday party. Had a lot of fun and maybe drank one too many. We went back to her place and things started to get hot and heavy. I pushed a little just to see where she was at sexually and she tells me to go home. (She did want to go any further.) She ran up to her room and I followed asking what and why she didn’t want to go any further. She tell me it too late to talk and for me to go home. Then in that instance, I tell her well maybe this relationship should end. (I really didn’t want that) I walked out of her room and down to the living room and sat down. In the meantime, she has called her close friend (a girl) to some over. The friend comes over and starts to talk to her and I hear crying and weeping. Then, I get this idea to go listen outside her door. I hear the conversation between her and her friend; I got out of it that she didn’t want to be pressured into sex. (Probably not the best idea in the world to listen in on her, but I did.) In that moment in time, I really didn’t realize that I was pressuring her. I was taking cues/clues from her friends (female). I thought, she was running the ideas of sex with me through her friend. Then her friends would bring things to me. So that’s what I was thinking about and totally confused. I went back and sat down. Then, my girlfriend comes out tell me that really need to go home. I tell her that I want communication between us first before I go home. She asks me why I was pressuring her into sex. I told her, that I was confused between us and that I was just taking clues that her friends were giving to me. I told here that I’m the person to push sex. I grew up Catholic and I can wait for her. She goes on to tell me that I shouldn’t believe her friends all the time and that I really need to leave; she’ll call me tomorrow. So, I left. This happened Saturday night and I haven’t heard her yet. I do feel like a poop head and I can wait for sex. I do feel like what I said was good and I think she may have realized I was taking clues from her friends Do you gals/guys have any ideas for me? How can I iron this out better?
IaminLove Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I am confused about when you kept referring to "taking clues from her friends" if you could clear that up for me. Also, A relationship can be good without having sex. But, I am also a virgin and me and my bf are waiting until we get married to have sex. We have been together for 7 months and our relationship is amazing without it, we also know that when we do get married its going to be amazing to finally share that with each other. Maybe this girl, even though she has had sex in the past.. wants to wait a little longer before rushing into it with you. Its great that you told her you would wait for her until she was ready. More guys need to be like that. Be sensitive to her needs and let her know that you want to work things out with her. People make mistakes, hopefully she will realize that and things will work out for you.
Cous Cous With Goose Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Dude you shouldn't feel bad at all. First off, many relationships end because the girl wants the action sooner rather than later and the guy is too slow to respond. It's only natural to want sex from her. Most couples have sex within a short period of knowing each other, and you thought it was odd that you didn't. You may be just 'going with the flow' but you wanted this relationship to feel like it was going somewhere and you weren't wasting your time. You shouldn't have listened in on the conversation, but you did and we can't fix this. Smartest thing you did all evening was tell her you wanted communication before you went home. How do you iron this out? You're both still uncomfortable with this. Go up to her and be blunt. Make her sit down and have a talk. Like so.. "Baby, about that night, I didn't realize I was pressuring you. For that I apologize. To me this relationship isn't about sex, it's about you. If I simply wanted sex I'd be gone by now, but I'm still here. I want you to know, I didn't mean to offend you and I truly believed you wanted it. It's just the way your friends conveyed messages to me I thought you were trying to hint to me you wanted it. And if I waited too long you'd tire and I'd lose you, which would just crush my heart." Some shizz like that should do the trick. But you have to be bold and address the situation. And uhh..vcourse mean it.
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