The write one Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Hello all, it's been a while since i've posted, but i've been reading up between second chances and coping. Unlike months ago, i'm now more on the coping side than anything else. Well lets get to it...I'm out, finally!!! For those who have read my post, you know i moved to Philly following the love of my life, my ex-fiance. Less than a year in this hell hole, (yes, Philly sux) My gf of 8 years and future wife, told me to kick rocks. Her reasons, "confusion, emotionally empty, wants different things, i never trusted her and such and such and so and so." That was 6 months ago. During that time, i experianced a pain unlike any other. I blamed myself for everything that went wrong in life, I hated myself, i lost 40 pounds from not eating, i had to go through thearpy, lost all motivation, I cried--still do sometimes-- at the slightest things. I was a wreck as many of you have experianced. But after a while, through the help of family, friends, rebounds, therapy, numerous self evalutions and LS, I turned all that defetist crap into motivation. Motivation to get the hell out of "her city" and move on with my life. So for a few months I had been traveling back and forth to NYC, looking for jobs in my field. After four months, i finally landed a dream job that is everything i wanted, but never though i could achieve. I'll spare you the detials for lack of space, but its a 75 percent jump in my current salary and i basically run the city's entertainment industry. Whoahooooo!!! Not to mention, while running back and forth to NYC, i became reaquainted with a former girlfriend--really a former OW. Since we had a rocky history, i'm taking it slow, very slow, with her. Regardless, i'm taking it. Well, I move to the city in one week and i am leaving this place like a thief in the night. I had this wonderful f***-you-fantasy mapped out months even before i had a job. I was going to call, write, email or go see the ex on my way out and tell her "Look trick, i don't need you! I am somebody!" But i've put that idea to bed as the best revenge is truly moving on and unlike she did to me, I don't want to try and hurt her. Karma-ya know. So i'm gracefully packing my stuff, closing up house, finishing out my two weeks and walking away and it feels so good. All of this has made me see that i am worth something to alot of people and to myself. I allowed her to take that away from me for a few months...but i got it back. What's wierd is every since i got the green light to leave this joint, i've been getting at least 10 to 30 restricted # calls on my cell phone everyday. When i answer, no one says anything. When they leave a message it's just silence. That craziness continued for about two weeks and then it just stopped. I suspect it was the ex, but i have no proof and i don't want to go through the hassle of getting my phone company to show me who it was. However, when the calls did finally stop--i must admit-- i relapsed. If it was the ex, her plan was successful. but i still held fast and made no contact. i'm also going to change my number as soon as i get to NY. Like a fable that travels from person to person, "No contact" is truly a god-send so use it. I'm glad i found out about it early on. If the restricted caller is her, then i need more than a GD stalker call to reopen the lines of communication. I'm not saying i'm completely over her, cuz i'm not, but i get a new lease on life, I'm mentally tough again and i have my self respect and confidence back. Her birthday is actually tomorrow (Tuesday), but i won't be calling or sending a damn thing. That type of stuff is reserved only for people in my life. So to all who helped me through the dark ages, thank you. And to all who don't see the light at the end of the night, it does exist. Until that day, take that sh**** feeling and flip it toward achieving your ultimate goals and dreams. Let that be you fuel toward a great f*** you fantasy. I believe some of the best works on this earth were probably derived from a broken heart. take care all...
bubbalump Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Congrats! No contact really does let you heal, sounds like your life is just starting! Enjoy the new adventure!
dropdeadlegs Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Good for you! I don't know much about Philly (might be a high cost area), but that salary increase will likely be moot because the cost of living in NYC is so high it will eat it up! But that said, I wouldn't mind living there (Manhattan.) It has more energy than anywhere I have ever been. I loved it!
Author The write one Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Philly is cheap, and NYC is a money grinder, no doubt, but i don't plan on living on the island (Manhatten) so maybe i'll get to keep a lil change. bubbalump, no contact does work the way its always explained on LS. The first month or two, it did bring my ex-a-runnin. But her so called "confusion" and mixed signals were driving me insane, literally. I couldn't handle the back and forth, so i decided to cut all ties to find my happinness and sanity. I mean, i spent years in the relationship and months out of the relationship trying to make her happy and it wasn't returned. I figured whatever will be will be. I can't play the game of loving her back to me or using munipliation to entice her back. That's too draining, especially after you put in so much work in just trying to make it work in the first place. So NC did bring her back, but like quigi boards, you may not want the sh** that comes out from it. So i gave up my pursuit becasue it seemed i was the only one really trying. I've been NC for more than 2 months now and i've been coming out of the fog and refocussing on myself. As for the restricted caller, who cares who it is... BTW you're going to be my neighbor, any pointers on apt hunting?
dropdeadlegs Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 My sister lives on Long Island and when I was there it seemed that anything in either Nassau county or Suffolk county was pretty dang pricey. the closer to NYC proper was pretty high all the way out to about the middle of LI, but then before you get out East where the REAL real estate is, there seemed to be some reasonably priced homes. I don't know all that much but I think Queens, Brooklyn, and Staten Island have some reasonable areas. My sister is a snob so she will only live in the nicest of areas. I do know that when she moved to Glen Cove that she was paying $1400 a month for a very small one bedroom apt. over an Italian families home. Then she moved to some place cheaper, but didn't feel safe and I can't remember the town because she only stayed one year. Then she rented a two bedroom very small house in S. Huntington that ran $2200.00 a month before buying a 1400 square ft. home for $265,000 which was a steal. But she always lived on LI. And hell, she was making like $100,000 a year by then when she started out at something like $18,000 in an entry level position with a publishing company. Within ten years she was head of the telecommunications dept. and raking in the cash. Not bad for a HS diploma.... Good luck with your move and your new job. I hope it is everything you have hoped for. Were you from NY or are you just going after your dreams? The entertainment biz sounds cool to a small town southerner like me.
cityboy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 BTW you're going to be my neighbor, any pointers on apt hunting? Hey man - I've lived here for years. Recently moved to Brooklyn from Manhattan and I love it. What's your budget? (sorry for the threadjack) Congrats on moving on. I'm still waiting for my ex to get her stuff out of "our" place so I can really initiate NC. It's very annoying. I should probably create a whole post about it, but wanted to chime in on your move here. Feel free to look me up, dude.
Author The write one Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Wow, I may be your sister's neighbor for a minute. I'm going to have to stay with relatives who live in huntington station LI before i move into the city. I have to save up a pretty hefty deposit-you kno. i'm thinking BK, BX or Queens. The job requires i live within one of the five boroughs within 90 days after my first day. To answer your question, i to am an orginal county boy, but i moved to Chicago for grad school, then philly for love--NYC's has always been my dream though. I stopped follwoing it to save my relationship.
Author The write one Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 I used to live in BK for a year. i lived in Fort Green across the street from Pratt University. I loved it out there. So i'm thinking of moving in that area again. My budget is $850 to $1,000 a month for a 1 bdrm. I can afford more with the salary bump and all, but i want to save for one of those BK brownstones or manhatten condos-don't want to put all of my new money into rent. Any ideas on a safe, car friendly hood with stores and public transpo in walking distance?
cityboy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I used to live in BK for a year. i lived in Fort Green across the street from Pratt University. I loved it out there. So i'm thinking of moving in that area again. That's where I live (Fort Greene)! Love it here. There are some cuties in the neighborhood. We could cause a ruckus, no doubt.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 That's where I live (Fort Greene)! Love it here. There are some cuties in the neighborhood. We could cause a ruckus, no doubt. There ya go, you got a newfound friend in the area you want to live in! Shhh...Technically my sisters house IS in Huntington Station but she feels that Huntington Station isn't as "acceptable" as S. Huntington, but the USPS calls her address H.S. As I said she became a snob several years ago. She wasn't at all like that when she lived in S. Louisiana.
Guest Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Man, tell me some spots out there thatfall in my price range. It so funny because when i lived in "Fort Greene" I used to walk through Pratt every morning to get to the subway (i interned in SoHo). And just like clock work, Michael (all grown up) from the 70s show Good Times would try and hit on me. No lie!!! But like i said, other than the advances from a childhood television star, i loved it out there. I lived on Wiliboughy Ave. (i think i spelled that right. As for huntington station, i will be living right across the street from the train station off Broadway and New York Ave
cityboy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 As I said she became a snob several years ago. She wasn't at all like that when she lived in S. Louisiana. We're all snobs (New Yorkers) - some of us are just more lovable than others.
dropdeadlegs Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 We're all snobs (New Yorkers) - some of us are just more lovable than others. I still love her, just don't identify with her as much and that sucks in more ways than one. She's my only sibling and it's probably more about me than her. I feel "snubbed" and i would say that she doesn't intend it to be that way. It's probably more about "me." But she is a freak!
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