BedRoomVoice Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I am so confused about all this MM and OW stuff. We are very active in the bedroom. That is never a problem. He talks alot about his wife and what she isnt willing to do in the bedroom. I dont know if I can take much more of this talk. I really dont care if she doesnt like anal, or doesnt swallow. He has basically told me that this was the start of the end of their marriage. My question is to the OW out there on here. Does your MM talk about his home life or how his bedroom life with his wife use to be? I want to tell him to stop but I dont want to break our communication.
Kathleen Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Two words - DISRESPECTFUL LOSER Your man should never ever talk about his wife/exwife, whatever she may be, in the manner which you say he does. DON'T KISS AND TELL! WITH ANYONE.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Two words - DISRESPECTFUL LOSER Your man should never ever talk about his wife/exwife, whatever she may be, in the manner which you say he does. DON'T KISS AND TELL! WITH ANYONE. Honestly I think that if a man sees a prostitute for sex then he will talk about his relationship to her about his wife. He will talk about what he gets or doesn't get at home.. I think a lot of OW think that they are having a real relationship with their MM and truthfully all he wants is sex.. I'm not saying that an OW is a prostitute.. I'm trying to draw the parallel that his relationship is ALL about sex. While I agree that he is disrespecting his OW by talking about his wife.. but it is a reality of dating a MM and just having the affair is disrespectful to his wife and kids.. how can you expect him to respect you when he doesn't respect his wife ?
yousaveme Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I have to say something. Not all OW and MM relationship are ALL about sex. We talk, Do things together. We do things just like anyone else is a relationship. As far as the OP . Do you want that type of relationship? I understand some walk into these relationships under the FWB status.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I have to say something. Not all OW and MM relationship are ALL about sex. We talk, Do things together. We do things just like anyone else is a relationship. As far as the OP . Do you want that type of relationship? I understand some walk into these relationships under the FWB status. Those are your feelings.. not his
yousaveme Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 why would you say that? He shares the same feelings as I do Those are your feelings.. not his
sadbuttrue Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 brv, your MM is not taking your feelings into account if he continues to discuss his sex life with his W. my MM has never spoken about his W's likes/dislikes in bed. we do not talk about their sex life period. he has to know this is making you uncomfortable. tell him.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 He shares the same feelings as I do He doesn't tell you his true feelings because you would not stay around and be disrespected anymore. and If he really did then he would be divorced and with you.. I'm not saying that every OW/MM relationship is all about sex.. most of them.. There are some relationships that depending on when the affair starts can still be considered an OW/MM relationship that isn't based on sex and is based on love..but they normally have a divorce that has been already filed.
sadbuttrue Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 and art critic, ysm is right. not all R with MM are only about sex. we were friends before we became lovers. there is way more there than just the physical.
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 He talks alot about his wife and what she isnt willing to do in the bedroom. I want to tell him to stop but I dont want to break our communication. Why do you think all communication would stop if you asked him to stop talking about his and his wife's sex life? Do you actually talk about other things, or is sex pretty much it? If there's nothing more to your relationshp than sex, then he's basically telling you he's with you because you do the things his wife doesn't sexually. If you tell him to stop talking about his sex life, he'll keep coming back to you as long as he's getting the sex anyway.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 and art critic, ysm is right. not all R with MM are only about sex. we were friends before we became lovers. there is way more there than just the physical. You have to believe that the OW viewpoint of the affair is different than that of the MM .. Right ? otherwise he would be divorced and with her..
EnigmaXOXO Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 It's the marriage that has stopped revolving around "sex," not the affair. If you ever want to test that theory, yourself …Then continue to see your affair partner same as always, but tell them no more "sex" until they make up their minds once and for all who they want to be with. Blame it on your health concerns. Dare to hazard a guess as to which relationship they'll walk out on first?
sadbuttrue Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 art critic, there are too many complicated things involved for it to be that simple. yes, in a perfect world MM would leave W to be with the OW if he was truly in love with her, but we all know that sometimes people who love each other can not be together for one reason or another. when there are other people involved that stand to be hurt then the situation is so much more complicated and not so black and white like you make it seem.
Storyrider Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Just phrase it in a nonconfrontational way. Starting with an "I" statement helps: "I feel uncomfortable when you talk to me about your sex life with your wife." If he respects you he'll stop doing it.
herenow Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 It's the marriage that has stopped revolving around "sex," not the affair. If you ever want to test that theory, yourself …Then continue to see your affair partner same as always, but tell them no more "sex" until they make up their minds once and for all who they want to be with. Blame it on your health concerns. Dare to hazard a guess as to which relationship they'll walk out on first? Brilliant Enigma! What a great idea. If the OW thinks that it's not about the sex, then there is no risk in saying no sex until he leaves his marriage.
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 He talks alot about his wife and what she isnt willing to do in the bedroom. I dont know if I can take much more of this talk. I really dont care if she doesnt like anal, or doesnt swallow. He has basically told me that this was the start of the end of their marriage. I hate to ask - But has he asked you to do what she won't do in the bedroom? Because if so, this is a HUGE need of his that you're filling for him, and the number one reason why he'll never end his marriage and leave his wife. Why should he when he has TWO women to meet ALL his needs? You want him, or wanna test him? Tell him it's over completely and to call you when the ink is dry on his divorce. If he loves you enough and is willing to change his whole life for you, then he'll do just that. The longer you stay his OW, the less he'll change things. Sorry, this also goes for YSM's situation as well...
ThumbingMyWay Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 It's the marriage that has stopped revolving around "sex," not the affair. If you ever want to test that theory, yourself …Then continue to see your affair partner same as always, but tell them no more "sex" until they make up their minds once and for all who they want to be with. Blame it on your health concerns. Dare to hazard a guess as to which relationship they'll walk out on first? brilliant idea for all the Confused OW out there... this would make a great thread topic...please start one...
herenow Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I hate to ask - But has he asked you to do what she won't do in the bedroom? Because if so, this is a HUGE need of his that you're filling for him, and the number one reason why he'll never end his marriage and leave his wife. Why should he when he has TWO women to meet ALL his needs? You want him, or wanna test him? Tell him it's over completely and to call you when the ink is dry on his divorce. If he loves you enough and is willing to change his whole life for you, then he'll do just that. The longer you stay his OW, the less he'll change things. Sorry, this also goes for YSM's situation as well... I'm overwhelmed with the great posts here today. WWIU, once again, you are right on. Whatever happened to your show "What Would WWIU Do"?
NoIDidn't Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 For this particular poster, before all the OW that will say that THEIR A's are different, this guy seems to be in it only for the sex. You have a thread that also says that he wants to have sex with a midget. There is an old saying that when someone tells you who they are, you should believe them. This guy has told you about sex with his W, what she will and won't do. I bet he has even told you how long it lasts, etc.. Whether or not he has a sex addiction, I think he has serious issues like a Madonna/Whore Complex. Get out before you get too attached. He sounds dangerous.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I'm overwhelmed with the great posts here today. WWIU, once again, you are right on. Whatever happened to your show "What Would WWIU Do"? I heard "What Would Waldo Do?" got better ratings Sometimes...Men, as nice as we are, will do or say anything to get laid..I think in the OP that is the case. I don't think the affair is based on respect and love
whichwayisup Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I agree 100% NID. And with that being said (and I don't mean it malciously at all towards men) but we ALL know that men think about sex more or less 24/7. Yes, even the gentlemen, respectful ones... For example, I know when my husband does something for me, (maybe not ALL the time, but some of the time) he's got sex in the brain...Like "if I do this and that...Later on, we'll have sex." It's not cruel, meanly planned out or anything, it just IS. I have no problem with that either. Hope that makes sense, it did in my head, but now reading it, i'm not too sure...Anyway, I think ya'll get what I'm trying to say here.........Bottomline, affairs ARE about sex, just like any other relationship.
stillhere Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 I do agree with the others. Sounds like this whole A is revolving around sex, and even though you talk alot, you two don't seem to be very open and honest with each other. Otherwise, you'd be able to ask him to stop talking about her and not have to worry about him cutting you off completely. NID, here i go............in conversation, my MM and I agreed that we wouldn't have sex, since i was worried that's what our R was coming to, only sex. Well, i broke that little contract. I want sex all the time, and he's the one who has a hard time keeping up with me! I'd do it 3 times a day, every day if i got the chance. Right now, i'll deal with my 4-5 times a week.
norajane Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 NID, here i go............in conversation, my MM and I agreed that we wouldn't have sex, since i was worried that's what our R was coming to, only sex. Well, i broke that little contract. I want sex all the time, and he's the one who has a hard time keeping up with me! I'd do it 3 times a day, every day if i got the chance. Right now, i'll deal with my 4-5 times a week. Curious...would you still want to continue the affair with him if he said no sex? With you breaking the contract, do you think it's mostly about the sex for you?
stillhere Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Curious...would you still want to continue the affair with him if he said no sex? With you breaking the contract, do you think it's mostly about the sex for you? No, it's not just about sex for me. I can get sex anywhere, it's him that i want sex with. I broke it because, well, i guess he proved that it wasn't just about the sex for HIM. I know that i love him, so i was never worried about me. I'm the one with the extremely high sex drive, and he's told me that he normally doesn't have a problem with it. The only time is when he can't satisfy me as often as he'd like to, and he worries that i will venture off to find it elsewhere. I can control my urges, he knows this, but he sometimes thinks on that subject too much.
Author BedRoomVoice Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 I am not filling any needs he isnt getting at home. But I have to say we both love sex. And so much of it. I think its more for him having someone with the same sexual desire. I just dont really talking about her. I like to think of his wife as totally non existant. He tells me alot about how things started to fall apart in his marriage and how he would like to do things differnet in this relationship. He tried introducing different ways to have sex earlier in their marriage. He feels a healthy sexual relationship promotes a healthy relationship. And I believe this also. I just want him to be able to tell me everything but I dont like thinking or talking about her. For example : He told me she thinks anal sex is a disrepectful act. That only streetwalkers and porn actresses do that. I told him that wasnt true. But really I didnt need to hear what she thought.
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