Davis Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 It's been three weeks of NC. This is the second time I have been through this with my ex bi**tch, so it's been a little easier and somehow it feels like it's been longer. Basically she cheated on me twice. The second time I found out a few days later and I was done with her behavior, so I quit calling her. She sent me an email a few days after and said this new guy and her had "unbelievable chemistry" like "nothing I have ever felt before" and she said a bunch of other sh*tty stuff. Of course since it's been 3 weeks today I knew I would see her! What do they call that, "synchronicity" or something? We live in a gated community and I was doing my best not to run into her today. Of course I pass her and her new "Mr. Right" going the opposite direction in her car. Nice. I know she's a binge drinking, cheating, lying whore, but it still hits your ego to see them with someone else. I am sure they're together 24/7. He may have moved in already. That is her pattern; jump right in full tilt. Any words of wisdom from anyone today?
CaliGuy Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 It's been three weeks of NC. This is the second time I have been through this with my ex bi**tch, so it's been a little easier and somehow it feels like it's been longer. Basically she cheated on me twice. The second time I found out a few days later and I was done with her behavior, so I quit calling her. She sent me an email a few days after and said this new guy and her had "unbelievable chemistry" like "nothing I have ever felt before" and she said a bunch of other sh*tty stuff. Of course since it's been 3 weeks today I knew I would see her! What do they call that, "synchronicity" or something? We live in a gated community and I was doing my best not to run into her today. Of course I pass her and her new "Mr. Right" going the opposite direction in her car. Nice. I know she's a binge drinking, cheating, lying whore, but it still hits your ego to see them with someone else. I am sure they're together 24/7. He may have moved in already. That is her pattern; jump right in full tilt. Any words of wisdom from anyone today? When your sense of self worth finally gets to a healthy level you'll look at this situation as simply dodging a bullet. You should be thanking your lucky stars you are rid of her.
polywog Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 When your sense of self worth finally gets to a healthy level you'll look at this situation as simply dodging a bullet. You should be thanking your lucky stars you are rid of her. Could not have said it better, Caliguy! I, too, am in the 3rd week of NC/LC and it hurts like h**l, but I feel a little stronger every day. It feels awful, Davis, because it's still so raw, and seeing her with this guy is like the friggin' scab getting ripped off! But the wound will heal every day & the scab will get smaller, so hang in there. I know it sucks now . Anyhow, she sounds like a jerk & in the long run you are lucky not to be involved with her.
Salicious Crumb Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Bah..Davis...just forget about it. Karma is a b!itch. Sounds like she will be doing this to her new man at some point in the future and she is just to fickle to handle a relationship...or her new man will probably go out on her and hand her the same cheating she handed to you. She deserves what she gets. If she ever gets in contact with you again..just tell her to leave you alone and hope the door didn't hit her too hard in the ass on the way out.
Art_Critic Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Karma is a b!itch. Sounds like she will be doing this to her new man at some point in the future and she is just to fickle to handle a relationship... Yep... she is an ex for a reason.. We usually don't get a chance to see Karma work as we are not in their lives anymore.. but in most cases you reap what you sow..
Author Davis Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 Hey Salicious, thanks. I don't think it's that she's fickle, she is unable to have an intimate, meaningful relationship. I think you're right, he'll do it to her or she'll do it to him. She's proven that's her pattern guy after guy. Yep... she is an ex for a reason..We usually don't get a chance to see Karma work as we are not in their lives anymore.. but in most cases you reap what you sow.. Thanks Cali and Art. Cali: I agree with you, I think I dodged a bullet (or at least a trip to jail when she made up some bs about me like stalking her). Hey Art, I hope I hear about karma coming around on her. I love that quote you have that one day someone will walk into your life! Hope that comes true for all of us on here!
dgiirl Posted January 29, 2007 Posted January 29, 2007 Labeling your feelings appropriately is a good start. This way you can work through them. Know that the only reason you feel like crap is because your ego is slighly bruised. Yah it hurts that someone decides to leave us for another, but when you realize that it's just ego, you can start to think about the situation more objectively. As time passes, and the more effort you put in to moving on, you'll start to give her less and less power over your ego and realize that there's plenty of other people who do like you for you! Start doing things that renew your self worth. Make new friends, spend time with loved ones, do new things, or things that you would never have done because you were with your gf. Just keep focusing on YOUR karma, never wish someone else bad karma, because it'll come back to you. Be indifferent to her karma, and work on making your own good karma and you'll get the rewards.
Author Davis Posted January 29, 2007 Author Posted January 29, 2007 Dgiirl. Thanks for the support. You could say she left me for another. At least that's what she was trying to convice me of in her email. This was the second time (confirmed) that she was cheating on me with another guy. When I found out, I walked. She knew I had found her out. I was done with her partying, lying and behavior before I got her dear john email, regardless of who she ended up with. I'm sure it would have bruised my ego less if he was just a one night stand and not "mr. right" now, but not my reaction to walk. Yes it hurts to see/think of them with someone else, even if they're a piece of sh**t! DAMNIT!! I can't wish her bad karma or that it will come around on her!?! But she is SO deserving! What are you, wise old Confucious? Are you that sure it comes around? There are lots of evil people out there. I know you're right about making my own karma. I've never cheated on her. I've been a good boy. So when is it time for me to receive some good karma in my life?
dgiirl Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 DAMNIT!! I can't wish her bad karma or that it will come around on her!?! But she is SO deserving! What are you, wise old Confucious? Are you that sure it comes around? There are lots of evil people out there. I know you're right about making my own karma. I've never cheated on her. I've been a good boy. So when is it time for me to receive some good karma in my life? I'll tell you my experience with Karma. My exh came home valentines day and out of the blue announces that he wants a divorce and left the very next day. But not before he told me exactly what he thought about me. He told me that all I did was take and take from him and that all he did was give and give to me. That I never appreciated anything and that he never learned ONE good thing from me. That from knowing me, he's become a WORSE person. That I hurt people, without even knowing about it, it's just who I am. And that if I dont start changing my ways, the universe is going to get me. Needless to say, I was emotionally distraught. Not only was he abandoning me and our marriage, but he thought I was this evil person who the universe is going to punish. And I bought every single thing he said to me. I really thought this about myself, only because I've had him ingrain this thought into me for years. I remember one evening, after he left, I was invited to a coworker's birthday party. I didnt know the coworker that well, but he knew what was going on with me and invited me to come out with him and a group of his friends. I was nervous about going, it's not something i would EVER had done in the past. Anyways, I wanted to buy him a simple inexpensive gift, so I went to the store to look for a present. It was a very cold snowy winter evening and after looking around in the mall, I was very sad and lonely. I went out to my car and sat in the car and started it. Then I looked in my rear view mirror and noticed it was covered in snow. I was feeling very emotional at the time and asked myself do I want to get out and clear the snow or should i just sit here and let it melt. All of a sudden, the back of my rear window is being cleared off. I roll down the window and it's this older lady cleaning the back of my car. I thanked her and she told me it was nothing. She was just concerned for me and was looking out for me. I was blown away by this simple act of generosity. After talking a little bit, she was a reverend woman visiting my city from out of town for a woman's conference. Here I was, extremely sad and lonely, thinking the universe was going to come after me, and this lady out of nowhere shows this simple act of kindness to me. It touched me greatly, because I realized then that if I was so evil, that if I didnt give back to the universe, the universe would not have given back to me. I realized that I did do good and this was proof. Karma is not just about this mystic thing that happens without our control. We generate good and bad karma and the more we think in a positive thoughts, the more good karma we generate for ourselves. This is why it's important not to wish someone bad karma. I'm not gracious enough to wish my exh GOOD karma, so I remain indifferent. I dont focus on his karma. Instead I focus on my own! I focus on what I'm doing, what actions I'm giving back to the universe. Since my exh has left, my life has been amazingly good! I took the effort to make it so. I focused on myself and try to ignore all thoughts of my exh. I have made a LOT of new friends. I've reaquainted with all my old friends. I'm happy in my new life. And most of all, i'm REALLY happy with myself. I KNOW I'm a good person. I KNOW what's in my heart and soul. Six months after my exh left, he confessed to me that it made him sick to his stomach the way he acted towards me that night. That he wasnt able to sleep. I never saw this, but this was karma getting back to him. I didnt wish it. I would never have known had he not mentioned anything. But it still happened.
luvtoto Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Basically she cheated on me twice. I know she's a binge drinking, cheating, lying whore Don't allow yourself to blame everything on her. That's not healthy or fair. I am in no way saying that what she did to you was acceptable. But, for the next time...and to help you heal...I would strongly recommend looking into the reasons why you were attracted to a woman like her.
Author Davis Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Ck: thanks for the support. you always have good advice. i am moving forward. Dgiirl: Thanks for the story! That's very interesting because my female friend just said this morining to be greatful for one thing each morning when I get up and do one nice thing for a stranger each day! I liked the end of your story where karma did come back around on your ex. I will try to be "indifferent" about my karma with my ex ... argghhh ... and work on my own good karma! Thanks. Luvtoto: thanks for your advice and input on my previous thread, it was helpful. I know what you're saying. I always seem drawn to women that have a drinking issue, need saving or are emotionally unable to get involved in a meaningful relationship. Maybe you should call me "Captain Save-a-Ho"!! haha! From the first few weeks with my ex I had red flags that I chose to ignore. I'm trying to make changes in my life so I attract a different type of woman and avoid the type of women I have chosen in the past.
luvtoto Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Maybe you should call me "Captain Save-a-Ho"!! haha! :lmao:
Author Davis Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Hey Luvtoto! Glad you liked my new title, "Captain Save-a-Ho"!! :laugh:
luvtoto Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Hey Luvtoto! Glad you liked my new title, "Captain Save-a-Ho"!! :laugh: Look who has a new nickname! Seems like the more a person gets dumped on, the smarter they get about things. A person looks back on all their heartache wiser and smarter than before. At this point, it looks like you have some negative dating patterns. Trust me, we all have them..or used to have them! One pattern that I changed, about my own dating habits, is to stop giving a jerk too many chances. AND another thing! Give yourself a break!! Three weeks is not enough time to get over it! Google "stages of grief".
Art_Critic Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 "Captain Save-a-Ho" I used to have that title until I got a bit older and wiser about myself...
cityboy Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Luvtoto: thanks for your advice and input on my previous thread, it was helpful. I know what you're saying. I always seem drawn to women that have a drinking issue, need saving or are emotionally unable to get involved in a meaningful relationship. Maybe you should call me "Captain Save-a-Ho"!! haha! From the first few weeks with my ex I had red flags that I chose to ignore. I'm trying to make changes in my life so I attract a different type of woman and avoid the type of women I have chosen in the past. I'm right there with you on the women I choose. I'm addicted to excitement, and now when I meet "good" girls I'm completely bored.
Author Davis Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 Look who has a new nickname! One pattern that I changed, about my own dating habits, is to stop giving a jerk too many chances. AND another thing! Give yourself a break!! Three weeks is not enough time to get over it! Google "stages of grief". Hey Luv, it's Captain Save-a-Ho!! Haha! I should have stopped giving my ex jerk so many chances!! And I thought she was a good girl! NO! I will not give myself a break! Three weeks is plenty of time to get over it and not waste anymore time thinking about that ho! I don't know why, but I hope she's starting to question if she did the right thing, feels guilty and she's starting to have regrets. Do they call that ego?
luvtoto Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 Hey Luv, it's Captain Save-a-Ho!! Haha! I should have stopped giving my ex jerk so many chances!! And I thought she was a good girl! Well, next time you will recognize the red flags better. NO! I will not give myself a break! Three weeks is plenty of time to get over it and not waste anymore time thinking about that ho! YES! Give yourself a break! I am familiar with the grief stages. From what I can tell, you are in the anger stage right now. Ya need to go through it this process. I don't know why, but I hope she's starting to question if she did the right thing, feels guilty and she's starting to have regrets. Do they call that ego? Well, maybe not right away...she is flying high right now with the newness of her new fling. But, she will come down. Then, she will start with the regrets. She will be at your doorstep someday. I just hope you will be strong enough to handle it.
Author Davis Posted January 30, 2007 Author Posted January 30, 2007 I'm right there with you on the women I choose. I'm addicted to excitement, and now when I meet "good" girls I'm completely bored. Cityboy: i know what you're saying. Maybe you aren't just that physically attracted to the good girls?? Or there's no "chemistry"? Or like me you have to find a fckd up one to work through your own dysfunctions? I can tell this is going to be trickey: finding a good girl that I am attracted to that is not fcked up!! Good luck to all of us! Hey Luv: I am not angry! I just hate that fckin bi**tch! I mean I think she's a piece of sh**t! :laugh:
luvtoto Posted January 30, 2007 Posted January 30, 2007 I can tell this is going to be trickey: finding a good girl that I am attracted to that is not fcked up!! Good luck to all of us! When your self-esteem improves, those fcked up women won't seem quite as attractive anymore to you. It isn't a conscious choice you make. One day you don't just wake up and say, "I am going to start dating nice girls now." It's more along the lines of starting to like yourself...getting tired of drama...and wanting a better life for yourself. Something that goes hand-in-hand with having a good self-esteem and liking yourself. Sorry, about the lecture. That's the last thing you need right now. Hey Luv: I am not angry! I just hate that fckin bi**tch! I mean I think she's a piece of sh**t! :laugh: I think you have moved to the denial phase now!
Author Davis Posted January 31, 2007 Author Posted January 31, 2007 When your self-esteem improves, those fcked up women won't seem quite as attractive anymore to you. It isn't a conscious choice you make. One day you don't just wake up and say, "I am going to start dating nice girls now." It's more along the lines of starting to like yourself...getting tired of drama...and wanting a better life for yourself. Something that goes hand-in-hand with having a good self-esteem and liking yourself. Sorry, about the lecture. That's the last thing you need right now. I think you have moved to the denial phase now! Hey Luv. Oh, the lecture is fine. I think you're right, I don't choose these women consciously. I think subconsciously I'm drawn to them; I always choose the ones with problems that will for sure leave me. Guess that means I'm fcked up too! I know. I'm working on it because, yes, I'm tired of going through these breakups and the drama. I want a better life, woman and relationship than I've had. I'm not sure it had to do with low self-esteem. Maybe. I had self-esteem that erroded because of her behavior. It's interesting, like CK said, I'm not sure I find nice girls attractive. Or maybe I haven't met the right nice girls. I'm not in denial!! I never loved that ho and I hate her anyway!! How am I doing on the 5 steps? haha!
luvtoto Posted January 31, 2007 Posted January 31, 2007 Hey Luv. Oh, the lecture is fine. I think you're right, I don't choose these women consciously. I think subconsciously I'm drawn to them; I always choose the ones with problems that will for sure leave me. Guess that means I'm fcked up too! I know. I'm working on it because, yes, I'm tired of going through these breakups and the drama. I want a better life, woman and relationship than I've had. I'm not sure it had to do with low self-esteem. Maybe. I had self-esteem that erroded because of her behavior. It's interesting, like CK said, I'm not sure I find nice girls attractive. Or maybe I haven't met the right nice girls. I'm not in denial!! I never loved that ho and I hate her anyway!! How am I doing on the 5 steps? haha! There are a ton of people that can relate to what you are talking about here. I used to be drawn to the bad boys, but after getting my heart trampled on over and over, I gave 'em up. I am much happier now. I am currently single and not even dating, because I've tried to date nice guys, but I just find them to be too sucky-up-ish and too needy! I would rather stay single!! Anyways, I am still working through my issues of what you are describing, too. Maybe, there is a "happy medium" out there for both of us. Wish you well, Davis.
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