I am.......

[hopeto]

Crying, I cant stop. I cant breath. my heart feels like it has exploded and all the hurt is running through my body. I LOVE HIM and I dont want this DIvorce. I wish we could just move far away and love each other again.no family just us to have to count on each other. I wish you did not hate me. and I wish you did not tell me you hated me. 18 years is a long time to be with someone and to walk away from it is killing me. I dont want a life without you. Does this hurt get better and have you been with someone this long and it end. tell me you made it through cause I dont see any light.

[Dad_of_3]

Hopeto, these are normal signs from what you are going through.

The stages you go through will be from you, when you make that decision.

 

No I can't say that I have gone through this and my relationship was saved.

What I can say is that it will get better in time.

All the hurt, all the pain, all the anguish will lessen as time moves. I can't say times heals all wounds, its only been early days for me, but to be where I am now, I am a stronger, wiser and more self-reliant person. I wouldnt have it any other way.

Its suppossed to hurt like nothign else cause you have never experiencec anything like this in your life. You and your H have become so entangled in your relationship for so many years. You've lost identities of who you both where. You both became consumed into becoming us. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I truly believe, and this just my opinion, that a relationship is best kept at "Us" with a strong dash of "You" and "Me"

I know in this time, there seems to be no rhyme or reason to what is happening. Its all a jumble and a mess. Its time for choices and small steps to be made.

 

I have known my stbxw for over 16 years. Together for 14 years and married for 8 years. We have 3 children together. That is alot of history. As much as there is in your 18 years with your H.

Alot of bad choices had been made in my relationship with my stbxw. Neither of us learnt lessons from them. In the end it has came about the dissolution of our marriage and relationship.

 

What step, what choice are you going to make Hopeto?

You can choose to sit down right now and mourn the loss of your relationship. Thats fine, its all part of the stage of the grieving process. But its your choice when you are going to pick yourself up and continue on with this life.

Yep people are on here to listen, offer advice, offer guidance. As I am sure there are people in your Real life as well offering support in this time.

As time passes by and you continue to sit and live in this moment, its just you. Life is going on, it isnt waiting for you.

 

What are you missing out on?

What are you doing to make this life enjoyable?

What are you doing to make yourself a better person?

What are you doing to make yourself happier?

 

This low you are in is just that, you knwo what the opposite of sadness is right? Its your choice.

 

Dont get me wrong, I take nothing away from you pain and sadness. My heart and sympathies go out to you. I dont know exactly the pain you are in, but certainly anyone on this board will feel akin to what you are experiencing one time in their life. A terrible loss, unbearable, like nothing else you have ever felt. Thats why it hurts so much!

 

Have I made it through? Its a start, the road is still a long road to travel ... and I wouldnt have it any other way!

[bperl]

I am currently going through the same thing. My spoouse and i were together a total of 7 years (2 years of marriage). All I can say is go see a psychiatrist and see if you may be stuck in depression. I know that is where I ended up and I thank God that I got help quickly. I now am able to function, although I miss my wife dearly. Just take one day at a time and find 1 thing per day to pccupy your mind. Try learning a new language via CD or tape. Go for a walk or go to the gym. Lean on your friends -- trust me, they are there for you. You will make it through this -- trust me.